Not me mind you. Ms Mental.
Last summer, while I was (typically) out of town, her rotuine annual mammogram found a spot. Too small to detected by self exam, in her breast.
Ever the idiot and the optimist, I assured her it was nothing, and she would be fine. I was half right.
She has a family history, is over 40, and is Hispanic. The last one is a risk factor I was not aware of. Her first reaction was get rid of them both, but her Dr carefully explained several options so she elected surgery. It was small enough that they figured she could aviod Chemo and just do a few radiation treatments.
During her surgical consult they found another, smaller spot. It was a game changer. Given the three risk factors, avoiding Chemo was not an option. In her one momment of vanity, she cried and said she really didn't want to lose her hair.
While I moped around my house, and travelled way to damm much, she knuckled under, hit the internets, got 2nd opinions about everything and came up with a solid battleplan. She stuck with the surgury option.
We ordered the gel freezer caps. She felt guilty about spending the money, despite all the toys she lets me have. Day one of chemo I shaved my head as a sacrifice. My plan was to stay bald for the whole treatments, she hated it and insisted I let it grow between treatments.
My squadron deployed without me, leaving me, 2 other majors and the deputy to run the show. My lackadasical days were suddenly extended until 8 or 9 at night. I was in at 6. I brought work home. I felt guilty, I needed to be home handling the house, instead she took care of everything, like she always does. I took her chemo days off but spent time outside of the oncology office feilding phone calls I did not want. Plus 2 more week and 2 weeks trips. In all, I was a lousy husband.
Just before her surgury, our dog died. Of course, I was out of town. She got to deal with that, alone.
Despite all of this, it worked. Her hair thinned but stayed. Being latina, her hair so full and thick no one noticed. She never had to get the steriod shots that make your bones ache. She kept exercising and didn't gain any weight for the entire ordeal.
The radiation started right before I left on this trip. Compared to Chemo, it's weaksauce. A little burning and peeling but it beats the hell out of the alternative.
5 days past our 9th Anniversary (which of course, I missed), she had her last radiation treatment.
Done.
I want to tell the world, FB or something, but she'll kill me. She quietly and gracefully beat this, spent time offering support to others on the message board she pulled so much from, and we are giving the caps away to someone who doesn't have the resurces we do.
In short, my wife is a badass.
My heart is with anyone dealing with any kind of cancer. Watching peaple put poison in your loved one's viens is painful. I felt guilty seeing what other peaple had to go through for chemo treatment, some of it is just brutal. I felt like I was getting off light while other better peaple were really hurting.
If you find yourself or someone you love with this, dig in. It will hurt. On the rare occasion she would get down I had to fake my best strong husband routine which she of course saw right through.
If you have risk factors, get checked. Despite her very thourough self examinations, this one got caught by mamogram. If it had slipped until it was big enough to feel...well the thought of that one can keep me up at night.
2nd opinions. It adds time to treatment, but is worth it. On one of her early consults, the surgeon wanted to schedule the removal the next week, before the test that found the 2nd spot. If she had gone that route, we would have been doing this again a year later.
If you are already there, Godspeed. And if you know someone that is starting down this path and could use the gel caps to save their hair, lemme know.
When it comes to my wife, I always feel like the Publisher's Clearing House showed up at my door. I never ended the contest, but I am keeping that check. She's better than I deserve.
Now I get to keep her a lot longer.
