Chuck Norris went on vacation to the Virgin Islands. When he came back, they were just Islands....
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Jan. 29, 2009 11:46 p.m. cxhb New Reader
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Jan. 30, 2009 1:59 a.m. Trans_Maro Reader
Chuck Norris is the only man who can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris had his tonsils removed with a chainsaw.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.
You won't get a birthday present from Chuck Norris. The fact that you've lived another year is your gift from Chuck.
Babies cry when they're born because they know they're in a world with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris makes beef jerky by roundhouse kicking cows so hard that moisture leaves their bodies.
Jesus walks on water, Chuck Norris swims through land.
Shawn
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Jan. 30, 2009 3:19 a.m. NYG95GA Dork
Chuck Norris made the Kesler run in less than one parsec, and didn't even use a spaceship.
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Jan. 30, 2009 8:56 a.m. DirtyBird222 HalfDork
If Chuck Norris were President, his economic bailout plan would be a round house kick to the economy.
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Jan. 30, 2009 10:16 a.m. Rangeball Reader
Chuck's hand gun
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Jan. 30, 2009 10:40 a.m. Joe Gearin Associate Publisher
Chuck Norris can drive a Miata and NOT look gay!
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Jan. 30, 2009 10:53 a.m. Salanis UltraDork
Chuck Norris uses all three pedals at the same time... without having to "heel-toe".
The world land-speed record was set by a rental car after Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank.
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Jan. 30, 2009 11:23 a.m. Jay HalfDork
Chuck Norris invented pizza when he roundhouse-kicked a plate of spaghetti.
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Jan. 30, 2009 12:31 p.m. Scott Lear Club Editor
Chuck Norris has to shave with his fist, because the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
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Jan. 30, 2009 12:31 p.m. Scott Lear Club Editor
Chuck Norris can bowl a 320 in just four frames.
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Jan. 30, 2009 12:45 p.m. Mental UltraDork
If you re-arrange the letters in "Chuck Norris," Chuck Norris highly reccomends you come up with "C-H-U-C-K N-O-R-R-I-S"
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Jan. 30, 2009 12:51 p.m. Salanis UltraDork
Chuck Norris can win a staring contest with a mirror.
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Jan. 30, 2009 1:00 p.m. nickel_dime HalfDork
Maybe Alaska should hire Chuck Norris to give that volcano a dirty look.
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Jan. 30, 2009 9:45 p.m. mel_horn HalfDork
The real reason that plane landed in the Hudson is that Chuck Norris suggested that it land NOW.
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Jan. 31, 2009 1:13 a.m. Goldmember New Reader
Chuck Norris can take the Cork Screw at Laguna with out braking. In a Z06.
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Jan. 31, 2009 1:34 a.m. Goldmember New Reader
When Chuck Norris drives, he doesn't steer the car, the road straightens for him.
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Jan. 31, 2009 2:00 a.m. Salanis UltraDork
Goldmember wrote:
Chuck Norris can take the Cork Screw at Laguna with out braking. In a Z06.
When Laguna Seca was first built, Chuck Norris was displeased with the back half of the track so he gave it a roundhouse kick.
We now know that spot as the corkscrew.
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Jan. 31, 2009 9:37 a.m. mel_horn HalfDork
mtn wrote:
Chuck Norris taught the Stig everything he know's.
Just not everything Chuck Norris knows.
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Jan. 31, 2009 2:25 p.m. Jay HalfDork
Chuck Norris was there when the Earth formed 4.5 billion years ago. He was ALSO there when it was created by God 6000 years ago. Scientists and devout Christians both claim this is impossible, but Chuck Norris doesn't care.
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Jan. 31, 2009 2:51 p.m. Jay HalfDork
The last woman to get impregnated by an ordinary man was Ewelina Bobrowska in 1857. Since that time the only father has been Chuck Norris. Even if your own mother told you something different, she's wrong - it was Chuck Norris.
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Feb. 1, 2009 6:48 a.m. 4cylndrfury Reader
chuck norris doesnt celebrate thanksgiving. The world celebrates that he was born.
Chuck norris doesnt peel bananas, when he walks into a room, they shiver their peels off
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Feb. 1, 2009 8:33 a.m. 4cylndrfury Reader
people say that when yours ears feel warm, its because somebody is thinking about you. When Chuck Norris thinks about someone, spontaneous human combustion occurs
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Feb. 1, 2009 8:56 a.m. wherethefmi2000 Reader
Chuck Norris was going to post in this thread, but he's busy planning the deaths of those who already did.
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Feb. 2, 2009 12:48 p.m. egnorant Dork
Chuck Norris played 36 holes of golf in 1974. He scored a 2! His first shot is expected to return to Earth in 2012.
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Feb. 2, 2009 1:04 p.m. Salanis UltraDork
Chuck Norris can power oversteer a FWD car.
When Chuck Norris drag races, he does roundhouse stands.
