I've been known to tell people to do a search, it can be tough to find things that way, though I've usually had success. It's the reason I have hardly any posts on make-specific forums like Bimmerforums and F150online, I can usually find an answer to most questions with a search.
Finding the balance between strictness and laxity when running a web forum is tough, and it depends very much on the users and what they want/expect out of a board. I spent 6 years on Corner-Carvers, so I'm used to pretty tight standards when it comes to grammar, not having multiple threads on one topic, etc. I'll admit that I'm still getting used to some of that stuff on this board, but it's a different group, more laid-back, which is kind of what I was looking for anyhow, so I'll deal with it.
Anyhow, web forums are like communities, and every one has it's characteristics, rules, and quirks. There are plenty of them around, so find the ones you like and ignore the rest.