Login Register Sign up for the GRM e-newsletter

Login to post Forums » Off-topic discussion » I am so to the breaking point. « 1 2 »
  • Duende

    Dec. 4, 2008 3:10 a.m. Duende Reader

    Well... First, thanks so much for all the support. It means a lot and reading some of your comments is really giving me strength.

    I guess in the end the truth always finds a way out, and she's been gone so often I've been taking care of bills... And unfortunately realized tonight that she's been texting/calling/sending pics back and forth with her pot dealer in town constantly, every day, every night... For several weeks now.

    So I called her, I don't know why...god because I feel like there's no way she'd be cheating, and I'm just wanting to know what the heck I'm supposed to think...and she's drunk, at his house, and says f you for checking up on me he's a better lay...

    This was earlier, like 10pm... And it's 1am. I guess since then I feel a little better and clearer about things than I initially did... I'm hurt...well, destroyed...but not entirely for me.. I just keep looking at my little girl and I cannot understand what would make this woman act this way. I mean, she's almost 21, could it all be immaturity? I feel like... I feel so betrayed and taken for granted, I bust my ass every day and to see she was sweet talking me and then immediately talking to him...every day, with me there..? Where is the integrity, why is honesty so hard for some people.

    It clears my head for what I need to do, I have done everything humanly possible, because a stable, loving family with a Mom and Dad would have been the best possible thing for my daughter, and she deserves that. But...it breaks my heart that I can't "make" that happen, so I have to focus on doing well for myself...which I already do...so my daughter will have one stable parent who understands his priorities and responsibilities.

    My ex has never been in trouble yet, so I don't know how any of this will play out in court. So much is hard to prove, there's a little evidence of what's really going on, but not much. And it kills me to think of the situations she's putting my baby in.

    Anyway, gosh, I'm sorry for the rambling personal drama post, but I really appreciate all the support here and just can't get my mind of this darn hamster wheel...

  • Duende

    Dec. 4, 2008 3:26 a.m. Duende Reader

    It is rough, I am going to be speaking with several people about professionally gathering evidence, there is stuff floating around, and she keeps doing it... Money's going to dry up quick though, she doesn't realize I changed bank accounts, she's going to be back on Friday wanting to "talk" which I now know means "have a place to rack."

    Anyway...yes, unfortunately, her parents are no better. They've also been barely lucky. Mom does coke on occasion with the oldest daughter - who is a stripper - and I think Dad is just a stoner. Definitely smokes, but I think that's all. He's a ex-LA cop and no BS, shady as all hell. My father was also a cop, and I have nothing but respect for them, but this guy is no good.

    None of them are, but she always seemed like such a good, sweet girl that just had a snotty temper sometimes... Constantly talking about her family's f'd up dysfunctional ways, she seemed like she wanted to change. Heh. Her Dad cheated on her Mom about a year ago (they're back together, but there was of course drama for several weeks) and she sobbed and sobbed and couldn't get over how horrible...and then to do it herself...

    And yes, it terrifies me that her family values are going to rub off on my daughter, but I feel so powerless at this point. I'm just trying to reconcile myself to a few things... Maybe she'll grow up and a few years will make a difference, maybe not... Not surrounded by the people she's surrounding herself with. Well, regardless, she'll see nothing but hard work and success coming from me and all I can do is pray for her to find her way and succeed as well.

    Okay, I'm going to go watch a movie or something, I'll just keep typing and rambling. Good night, folks.

  • Duke

    Dec. 4, 2008 5:50 a.m. Duke Dork

    Duende wrote:

    Okay, I'm going to go watch a movie or something, I'll just keep typing and rambling. Good night, folks.

    Hey, that's what we're here for - support and understanding. It sounds like you have a good clear path of what you need to do and a compelling reason to do it. I wish you all the luck, patience, and strength that you need to get through this for both you and your daughter.

    And remember, we're here to help, even if that just means giving you an audience to unload to. Keep moving ahead and we'll stay behind you.

  • AngryCorvair

    Dec. 4, 2008 7:45 a.m. AngryCorvair Dork

    Good luck to you, my friend. get an attorney on retainer, and find out what it takes to subpoena text messages. unless she's the mayor of detroit, it shouldn't be too hard. and talk to some professional people-watchers, ie private investigators. a picture is worth a thousand words, and those guys know how to take pictures.

    here's my two cents worth of perspective on how your baby mama got the way she is, and also on how to do everything you can to ensure your baby doesn't turn out that way:

    there's a parenting book entitled "Children Learn What They Live". I'm pretty sure you don't need to read the book. Just consider the title. then consider the implications in everyday life: if you cuss and swear, they'll cuss and swear. if you eat healthy foods, they'll eat healthy foods. if you establish order, they will appreciate order. if you establish chaos, they will lead chaotic lives.

    as a parent, it is your unique responsibility to apply a "Generation Filter" to your child(ren). as my older brother once said to me, "just because Mom and Dad did it, doesn't make it right."

    i wish you the best. in this and in your future mate choosing.... 8)

  • Duende

    Dec. 4, 2008 8:32 a.m. Duende Reader

    Thank you, you're all gentlemen... She came home...drunk...and passed out. Her cell phone went off, I picked it up and...heh, filthy videos of what her and this guy she just met weeks ago were doing all night. She woke up, got pissed that I had her phone, handed it back to her on the videos and she just started crying and talking about how horrible she is. Sigh. Last thing I wanted to see, but in a way - in a couple weeks - I'll be glad I did. Right now, though...

    I will certainly look for that book mentioned, I need all the help I can get right now, anything that help me remember to just focus on my daughter and move past what happened the past few weeks.

    Okay, late enough, I suppose I'll try to get an hour before the little bug wakes, hah...

  • Tim Baxter

    Dec. 4, 2008 8:51 a.m. Tim Baxter Online Editor

    You did pull the videos and squirrel them away in case you need them later for evidence, right?

  • DILYSI Dave

    Dec. 4, 2008 8:53 a.m. DILYSI Dave PowerDork

    KTB?

  • Duende

    Dec. 4, 2008 11:37 a.m. Duende Reader

    I did pull the videos.. I've pulled everything, I feel so sneaky but she's making me catch her.. I don't know what KTB means?

    This guy's such a loser, he didn't even graduate high school, he's just the local pot(and who knows what else?) dealer. I found his Myspace, heh. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=2262...

    He's just a punk... I can't even believe it, and making videos together like that... All behind my back, expecting me to just keep going to work and paying all the bills.

  • AngryCorvair

    Dec. 4, 2008 12:02 p.m. AngryCorvair Dork

    KTB = end the life of the female dog -- EDIT --> i don't condone this, i'm only offering what i think is the meaning of the acronym

    link to videos? won't help your court case any, but at least we can check her out.

    i am kidding, of course. unless she's hot.

    oh come on, you know i'm not the first one here to think it....

    EDIT --> here's a row of smilies so you know i'm joking

  • Jake

    Dec. 4, 2008 12:13 p.m. Jake HalfDork

    Original poster: Stand by...

    Youngsters who are reading this thread: This is why you wrap it up, every time. Life is hard enough without having to deal with this kind of thing. Enough said.

    Back on topic: Man, lawyer up, hire a PI, prove that she's an unfit mother, take your daughter and move on. I hope, for your sake, that you're every inch the wronged party that you claim to be, and that it works out well for you. Sorry you're in this situation.

  • GameboyRMH

    Dec. 4, 2008 12:23 p.m. GameboyRMH SuperDork

    Those vids and the other stuff on the phone could be golden in court. Make sure you don't lose them, consider storing them in a Truecrypt volume or something just in case she goes on the computer behind your back. It might sound cruel and cheap now but it won't if you need them.

  • mtn

    Dec. 4, 2008 12:28 p.m. mtn Dork

    I think that you have an option on the phone bill (if you pay hers) to get back a hardcopy of all the texts that were sent and received.

  • Xceler8x

    Dec. 4, 2008 1:03 p.m. Xceler8x HalfDork

    Most cell companies also keep a record, online, of all media transferred via phone. I'd contact your cell provider and ask about this. That maybe another way to get copies of the info you will want access to once push comes to shove.

    Good Luck.

  • aircooled

    Dec. 4, 2008 1:04 p.m. aircooled Dork

    Murder is certainly not a good suggestion at this point and shouldn't even be jokingly suggested (there are a lot of emotions flying around).

    Remain calm (especially in front of the girl), don't give her anything to work with. It is likely she will "reform" at bit at some point (like when she runs out of money), just remember what she has done, it is a very good predictor or what she will do (again) in the future.

    Consider it done (as I suspect you have), with no chance of going back, just keep moving on with what you are doing.

  • Jensenman

    Dec. 4, 2008 3:56 p.m. Jensenman UltimaDork

    Definitely a good idea to hire a PI. Not cheap, but compare it to your daughter's well being. Don't give up hope, an old GF's younger sister was doing things very similar to what this girl is doing (leave out the text messages etc and it's almost a carbon copy) and a PI got pix of her smoking crack at some party or other. She lost all 3 of her kids to the fathers. Yes, plural. It took about six years, but it finally happened.

  • Duende

    Dec. 4, 2008 11:02 p.m. Duende Reader

    Thank you everyone, I am taking the PI/lawyer advice very seriously and have already contacted my company's EAP just to get started with a little free guidance. I'll be contacting a PI - last night, she drove drunk from the guy's house over here - and she just left again to buy a sack. She was crying when she told me, "but its been such a hard day."

    It has been such a hard day because this morning I told her I needed to leave the house and for once take my daughter with me. She is for once so confronted with being guilty she let me and I had a great day and caught up on a bit of sleep over at my parents. I came home so she could see our daughter at 7:30, she played Mom until Mercedes (Sadiebug) went to bed, cried a bit more talking about how horrible she is and etc, and then said she was going to buy some more. I will get evidence of her doing all this, she's not shy about it.

    Believe me, I am every bit the wronged party here, I just want this girl to succeed for my daughter's sake. I HATE that she's putting my daughter and I in this situation, because it's only going to get harder. When she's confronted in court with some of the things I AM going to catch her doing, I will HAVE to win, or she will see that as an attack, going after her...whatever. And she has taken my daughter away and threatened me and my family with never seeing her again over little arguments so many times, this is our greatest fear now. We do have some of those emails, though. And then the sobbing "I'm sorry" ones like 30 minutes later when she's calmed down, or the next day...

    I'll have to see about the text messages... I sure as hell wouldn't want to see them, but if we get to the point where we're able to get them, I'll have someone else browse through, heh. And I have paid all the bills, I pay them all. The phone is in her name though, so I don't know. She did just get on cash support last month, matter of fact. I think she told them that I wasn't providing support so she would be approved. I have to follow up on this, I completely forgot.

    Leaving on a high note, good night, folks! I hope you are ALL blessed with a very happy holiday season, my sincerest thanks to all of you.

  • fornetti14

    Dec. 6, 2008 10:20 a.m. fornetti14 New Reader

    wherethefmi2000 wrote:

    Dude, next time she's over and high, make sure she's got some stuff on her. discreetly call the cops. That should lock full custody, and supervised visits. My buddy got the same deal, though that was texas, not sure about here( I'm assuming you're in WA)

    +1 Get her busted with the crap and start the custody battle full force. Don't stop until you win. Your kid can't go down the same path as her mother. No amount of work or money can fix mom right now. She just needs to hit bottom herself (just don't let her take you and your family with her).

  • wherethefmi2000

    Dec. 6, 2008 10:36 a.m. wherethefmi2000 Reader

    fornetti14 wrote:

    wherethefmi2000 wrote:

    Dude, next time she's over and high, make sure she's got some stuff on her. discreetly call the cops. That should lock full custody, and supervised visits. My buddy got the same deal, though that was texas, not sure about here( I'm assuming you're in WA)

    +1 Get her busted with the crap and start the custody battle full force. Don't stop until you win. Your kid can't go down the same path as her mother. No amount of work or money can fix mom right now. She just needs to hit bottom herself (just don't let her take you and your family with her).

    +eleventy billion,

« 1 2 »  

You'll need to log in to post.