One of my cousins is an idiot. I got a call from my aunt today asking if I could get my cousins car driveable again. I'll get to what happened later, but this car is dead.
My cousin is a car killer. She's the sort that can take a clean, cheap, dependable car and turn it into a total loss within a year.
Victim one started as a very good condition low mile Sable. Last time I saw it it ran on two cylinders, had no brakes whatsoever, was missing a vast majority of the interior trim, and was so full of smoke residue that I refused to work on it. Even the windows had an opaque, sticky, brown coating. It looked like someone had a cigarette smoking contest in there. And the smell... Imagine a late-model dirt track car, the body on this thing was worse than that. Even the roof had big dents.
A few years back when my grandfather died my cousin got his immaculate 91 Grand Marquis. At the funeral it had one spare on, the whole drivers side crunched, busted lights, and a thick coating of smoker grease on the interior. All in the space of about two weeks.
Well, today my aunt wanted to talk to me about working on the Grand Marquis. Apparently my cousin was at a party with a bunch of nefarious characters, as is the norm for her, she passed out drunk and someone took her car for a joyride. At least that's the story.
The party damage list: - Windshield was broken with a hammer in several places. - Rear window is gone. Glass, trim, everything. - It looks like the car was run through a fence or gate at very high speed. Front bumper is cracked in several places, lights, grill, and front plate are gone. Serious impact damage and gouges over hood, roof, and trunk. - An impressive amount of grass and sod are clinging to the front subframe which looks to have taken a powerful hit into the ground. - The sides of the car appear to have been beat with a sledgehammer or other large object. - The suspension has taken some damage from a very hard jump.
I'll try to get some pics of it later, but it's in hilariously bad shape.
.... Maybe a year of walking/bus riding will get her to straighten out.
