Science lesson for today
Study of recent hurricane and gasoline issues have proved the existence
of a new chemical element.
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science.
The new element has been named "Governmentium (Gv)."
Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy
neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of
312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Governmentium is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes
every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of
Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a
second to take over four days to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of four years; it does not decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's
mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause
more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical
Morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (Am) --
an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has
half as many peons but twice as many morons.
