Is There a Lawyer in the House?

I need some advice from the hive.  My stepdaughter recently finalized her *bitter* divorce.  She and her ex have four kids – the oldest is in college, the next is in the Army, and the two youngest are starting high school and in middle school.  The youngest two and our daughter live with us for her custody days. 

Her ex is involved in law enforcement and is a real piece of work.  Drinks and is a mean drunk.  Never hit her, but lots of threats, bullying, and nasty texts.  Can’t even tell you how many birthdays and holidays he ruined.  To give you an idea of what an asshat he is, the kid that is in the Army recently came home on leave for a couple of weeks and saw dad for a total of 30 minutes, because mom forced the visit.  I guess 18 years of bullying and demeaning comments will get you that.

His latest BS is that he is telling everyone he knows that she is on meth. 

Our daughter has a responsible job and works a huge amount of overtime, mostly because she is the only one contributing to the eldest’s college expenses.  We live in a very small community and are really concerned about the damage this kind of lie could do the kids and to our daughter.

Are there any legal avenues available that can put a stop to this crap?

My daughter is going through this somewhat. It’s not encouraging.  She will have to hire an attorney and that won’t be cheap.  Depending on where you are, there may be probono help.  Him working in law enforcement won’t help either.  

In reply to spitfirebill :

Sorry your daughter is dealing with an asshat as well.  The law enforcement thing is a problem.  I've been thinking about writing his commander and laying it all out.  Give him the opportunity to fix the problem (or at least give asshat a black eye).

In reply to CJ :

I know Cease and Desist can be used for Defamation and Slander, but it sounds like if it is going to affect her job, she needs to get a lawyer, 

Also, she needs to be writing down everything he says to her and about her and screenshot all the texts. 

We have Women's Advocates here in Illinois. There is probably something set up in your area to give free legal advice in your area. 

And I second the idea to write EVERYTHING down. Keep an incredibly detailed journal including time of day, and even weather conditions. 

Thanks guys - I will check about Women's Advocate's.  Never heard of them here, but have never been in this situation, either.  All of their communications are now going through a court-ordered text system, so there is that.  Anything that is going to her phone, I have her taking screenshots of. 

All good ideas.

I would second the Women's Advocate route. They could lay out her legal options and at least the ones around here are very very aggressive in the womans favor. If any of the texts are threatening those should be a big deal legally. 

In reply to CJ :

That may be a good idea for you.  Our asshat calls the sheriffs department and says he fears for his son’s safety, knowing they have to respond. Now he is 300 miles away and has nothing to base it on, but just uses it as harassment.  Family court here don’t seem to care. 

Wow, that is really an asshat. 

When I was a school principal, I had a parent come in and threaten to kill one of my employees with a baseball bat, and me too, if I got in his way.  This was kind of normal for that school when I arrived.  Called the sheriff's office and insisted that they were going to come and arrest this idiot - not just take a report over the phone (as in, if you aren't here in 30 minutes, I will be on the phone to the newspaper, the radio stations, and the State Attorney General at 31 minutes - death threats against a school employee is a felony).  So they came down and arrested him.  Then went to the DA and insisted that he charge and prosecute the idiot- and he did, for much the same reasons.  Guess what?  That kind of crap hasn't happened at that school since, simply because the message was sent that there would be bad consequences if it did.

Might be worthwhile to find out who is the family court accountable to and make sure that their chain of command knows exactly what is happening.  Isn't your asshat making false reports and wasting police resources?  Has to be a law against that.

No one deserves having to put up with such harassment.

Giving all the necessary "this is not advice" warnings in advance, this is sort of what I do for a living.  The problem with family law is it is very state specific and it's application can depend on the local jurisdiction.  She needs an attorney, and a good one, who is familiar with both the state law and how it is applied locally.  Here's a few thoughts, all of them based on Michigan law and local practice, so your mileage may vary.  All of our divorce judgments contain provisions that one parent may not disparage the other in any way that harms the relationship of the children with the other parents.  Constant allegations of drug use/abuse (if unfounded) can violate that provision and can, in some circumstances, subject the offending parent to contempt of court charges.  Unfounded allegations which harm the other parent's livelihood can cause the court to award spousal support to repair economic damages.  Of course, your daughter would be subject to those prohibitions as well.  As for his lack of financial participation, a lot of our judgments now require each parent to contribute to college expenses.  Occasionally, the court will order spousal support if one parent is unwilling to help.  Again, your mileage may vary.  You will likely need an attorney to make some of this happen.

Also, please don't take this the wrong way, but be very sure your daughter isn't actually struggling with an addiction problem.  It sounds like she's under a great deal of stress personally and financially.  I've seen a lot of really good people buckle under the pressure of situations like this.  She should probably see a counselor as well as an attorney.  

In reply to kazoospec :

I appreciate your thoughts and will go check see how California law compares to Michigan law.  I have not actually read the divorce decree as yet.  It would be nice if they were close to the same and there was that kind of recourse. 

No offense taken - she is now doing great in a well-paid career.  We know many of her friends and believe that we would hear if there were addiction issues.  She is staying with us because she starts work early in morning and it is not possible for her to drop the kids to school then, so we get them breakfast and drop them at school.  Given everything else that is going on in their lives, it didn't seem to make sense to move the kids to new schools.

In reply to CJ :

I wish our SOB would do that.  It would save us a lot of effort.  Our guy isn’t exactly filing a false report.  These are just his feelings.  My daughter did it to him one time when she had not spoken to her son for several days.  A-hole claimed he never got the call, text or email.  We’re hoping this will bite him on the butt in the next court hearing.  

BTW our a-hole isn’t an ex, he’s just the baby daddy.  

Make sure she holds out for 50% of all pensions. Do not trade for the deferred comp, 403b or any voluntary salary reduction programs.  

In reply to CJ :

Thank you for being wonderful grandparents. Not everyone would step up into helping make sure their grandkids got what they needed. I applaud your efforts.

In reply to jr02518 :

She did that in the settlement - he's not happy

In reply to gunner :

Thank you.  It isn't their fault their dad is an asshat.  They need things to be as normal as they can be.