I no longer find joy in anything.
stanger_mussle (Forum Supporter) said:After your battery dies is the perfect time to discover that the keys don't work in the door locks.
I'd try the passenger side but there is no keyhole. Same for the trunk lid.
I guess I can call Pop-A-Lock to open the door? I just got to get to the hood release so I can jump it.
That happens All The Time at my shop. It is one of the reasons I don't carry the fob for my Volvo. That, and that the fob is the size of a turnip...
Appleseed said:I no longer find joy in anything.
I do not know about joy, but I am a fairly optimistic and caring guy. I would not to see anybody get hurt. Right now the idiocy regarding COVID-19 and the people who will not take the smallest step to stop this virus has my caring meter bottoming out. At the moment I really can't say I care if they die if they refuse to wear a mask. It's really unlike me and bothersome to even consider the change in my outlook
I haven't ridden my motorcycle's once this year. Haven't built any steampunk junk. No flying and R/C planes, no listening to records. Nothing.
I fear depression is rearing it's ugly head again. Like, I'm not suicidal, but if a car came barreling towards me in a parking lot, I'm not sure if I'd move out of the way.
Chronic exhaustion maybe. Numb all the time.
I held my kid the other day and felt nothing. I remember thinking I feel no love towards him. Just blank. I immediately felt disgusted and ashamed because I know you're supposed to feel something, but I really felt nothing. I need to get help. Everything is wrong.
In reply to Appleseed :
Had a serious bout of depression last year. Rebuilt the engine for the daily driver. Was my first solo engine swap so I budgeted 3-4 days to get it bolted up and turn the key. A week and a half later it was in and ready, then I spent a month figuring out why it wouldnt start. Made me question everything that I felt made up me and my sense of self. I spent most of the year in a hole in my mind due to it.
Anything change? Anything come about to cause it? (you know, other than... well, everything)
Feel free to drop a line if you need to talk.
I've felt like E36 M3 for a long, long time. I'm just realy good at bottling it up and burriying it until the next crisis comes along then I focus on burriying that. Repeat forever.
Lately, I can't bury them fast enough.
Yeah, I did that as well. Still do to an extent. I was lucky that I found a shrink that I clicked with and can talk to. Even now though there are things I dont tell him.
I found that it helped that I didn't know my shrink, I'd never be in a situation (other than his office) where I'd see him. It was akin to why people are clowns and trolls online, it was effectively anonymous.
Before COVID I would randomly open up about whatever was bugging me to random people. Guy at the car wash, bartender, bagger at the parts store. Random acts of confession. It was real damned weird of me, and I know some people actively avoid serving or helping me now when I go in places, but it helped more than I thought it would.
yes, sounds like you bottled too much up. Please, go seek some professional help before something bad happens. It's ok if it happens once in a while, but if this has gone on for as long as you say it has, that is too long. Thank you for letting us know so we can help you in some small way.
In reply to Appleseed :
As always if you're comfortable talking about it with a GRM er... I just graduated with my Master's in Counseling and am always willing to talk/zoom/FaceTime with you even just to get you started on finding professional help.
When can we start running over these berkeleying idiots that insist on driving with a cellphone in one hand and coffee/Razer/mascara in the other? Clearly the laws banning it aren't doing any good, nor is Bluetooth being in every single vehicle helping either. It's time they start getting run over and flattened, especially when they're so berkeleying distracted that they sit through multiple red light cycles, despite the horn blasting behind them. Clearly they're too stupid to control 5,000lbs of metal and plastic at highway speeds, so deem them public health hazards and treat them accordingly.
I'm so berkeleying tired of... well, everything. I hate this job. The management is terrible. My commute sucks. This house I'm renting is a POS that I hate. It's been empty for 18 months since I can't afford to either drive or ship my furniture down here. I have zero social life and no friends. I go to work, get beat down for 12 hours, drive home, go to bed and repeat.
My hobbies no longer interest me. I have about a dozen unfinished projects laying around.
I'm pretty sure you shouldn't have existential dread driving in to work every day. I've been here for 19 months and it just keeps getting worse. We got a new site lead about a year ago who micromanages everything to death. He has no backbone when standing up to leadership so we get stuck with doing stupid things that duplicate effort. When stuff falls through the cracks, he punishes everyone, even those not at work when the issue occurs. Instead of lifting those up who are behind the curve, he pulls everyone down to that level. I'm so tired of all the petty BS that happens. People are starting to turn on each other because no one trusts anyone due to the corporal punshiments. It's getting ugly. The turn over rate is high because people are getting tired of putting in effort just to get beat down regardless. I have almost 180 hours of PTO that I cannot take because we are continually short manned due to the turn over rate. No vaca in July the boss told my yesterday. I'm seriously burned out.
How do you change jobs in the middle of a pandemic?
I'm about to say berkeley it to everything and become a beach bum and live on my $600 VA disability.
In reply to stanger_mussle (Forum Supporter) :
180 hours of vacation you're not allowed to take? That sounds like a pretty good bonus check to me.
In reply to stanger_mussle (Forum Supporter) :
berkeley man, I'm just down the street. Lets setup a weekend to grab a beer or something.
Getting pulled into another lawsuit again over the same shiny happy person that hit me two years ago. Apparently he took the repair money and ran with it and then hid the car and did not pay the loan or repair it. Now he is claiming more repairs that his insurance company will not pay because he is a lying scumbag and he is tacking this on to the rest of the bullE36 M3 crap he did before. Car has never been seen yet, still no actual physical injuries proven and he fled the country again after filling to avoid a cross claim. Still no physical US address as well and he has a bench warrant out for failure to show. I am not the only one he is doing this to but man I hope karma catches up with him. I am a small fish in the grand scheme of this but not sleeping again due to it. Doubled up my Lexapro for the next month.
Allegedly.
In reply to Mr_Asa and stanger_mussle :
If you can do an autocross or any sports in your area maybe look for that. Some of it is opening up. Heck, just get out and drive around somewhere you have never been. You two should do a "20 foot visit**", talk cars, bs, anything. Isolation is bad on the pysch.
I get the stress of "this" i.e. Covid. I blew up at work and scorched a few bridges, it was due to stress of not working, knowing if I had a job and then going back to the job was had thought about / was about to quit. Hang in there stanger.
** Note a 20 foot visit is just what it says, 20 feet apart, but extended time. We started it with older folks in our area (rural) so they and we would have human contact but very little to no risk.
Appleseed said:I've felt like E36 M3 for a long, long time. I'm just realy good at bottling it up and burriying it until the next crisis comes along then I focus on burriying that. Repeat forever.
Lately, I can't bury them fast enough.
Bad thing about bottling up is that it doesn't go away, it sticks with you and you still have it.
My wife and I got to the ends of our ropes at the beginning of the year with our foster kids. We were not officially qualified to care for them at their needs level, but fostering is a situation of never enough resources. Anyway, I finally talked to my regular doc and got some "as needed" meds. That was a big hurdle for me, since the only mind altering thing I do is caffeine. The reality is, though, that my eyes are not perfect, so I have glasses. Someday my cholesterol levels are going to be off and I will have a med that helps that. I have a good friend who is diabetic. His insulin levels need watching and he does injections. I had a chemical imbalance, and I had a med that inhibited the uptake of serotonin. It didn't add anything to me, it just slowed how quickly I got rid of serotonin. It helped.
- Edit: The big thing for me was realizing that I could not give happiness to the kids I was caring for if I didn't have any. -
On a separate note, if you don't mind me asking, any chance you fit in a 2XL T-shirt? I have one left. It is a totally different kind of appleseed than the anime, but you still might like it.
mad_machine (Forum Supporter) said:yes, sounds like you bottled too much up. Please, go seek some professional help before something bad happens. It's ok if it happens once in a while, but if this has gone on for as long as you say it has, that is too long. Thank you for letting us know so we can help you in some small way.
A friend of mine was going through a bout of depression. No one knew anything until another friend called me with the news that our friend had been found dead in his apartment. Don't let it go on before it is too late.
mad_machine (Forum Supporter) said:Spent an hour trying to talk to Unemployment today. Half an hour of calling and half an hour on hold. All so they could tell me that they do not see a reason why I could not certify for last week. I need to try again tonight when my alt time comes up and again next week if it doesn't work then call back.
Don't get me started on NJ unemployment. The time I get a scheduled call granted to me, the person was still 40 minutes late with no explanation. She was nice and easy to deal with but still.
In reply to Bent-Valve (FS) :
This group is semi-local, I was meaning to look into them before COVID started up
In reply to matthewmcl (Forum Supporter) :
Unfortunately, I'm a M/L sized guy. I appreciate it. There's a mutual friend of SWMBO and I that is a social worker/psychologist/therapist. I'm going to ask her for advice.
In reply to Appleseed :
Bummer I don't have a shirt for you (I have bunches, but only one 2XL of the best one). I am glad to hear that you have someone to start checking with. Please don't be afraid (like I was) to check the chemical angle if you haven't already. If it has been a really long time, your body might just be doing something wrong that is making life hard for your brain. Your body may be able to get little bit of help in not making things screwy for you.
New store manager has decided to be a toolbag and change everyone's schedule on what seems to be just because he can as a reason. I was hired as a part time commercial driver and somehow I'm scheduled 6 days next week and closing on all of them. We have already had two people quit since he started because of this bullE36 M3 and with 2 kids at home I have zero desire to work second shift hours.
i could quit at anytime and get another part time job so I have something to do but I like my co workers and have a great relationship with most of the gear head crowd. It's a good fit for me since I can't work in a garage anymore. I'm hoping he decides to quit power tripping and takes the old managers advice
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