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OHSCrifle
OHSCrifle Dork
9/30/18 5:40 p.m.

This guy was sole breadwinner. Wife of 28 yrs is bipolar.. but wife handled all bills. 12 year old kid in the mix.

This week, wife presented divorce papers saying he had to leave the house in 30 minutes, stuck papers in his face but wouldn’t let him read. He snatched the papers which led to arguing. No physical altercation, but neighbors heard and called police - he got taken to jail for domestic XYZ, released after three days.

Now he can’t go back in house for 30 days.  During jail time, wife drained all bank accounts, savings and checking. He is now homeless, and living in his truck. Broke.

Bills are coming and not being paid. Racking up fees. Wife heading to another state to be with another man she knew from HS. Daughter in tow apparently.

What would GRM advise for this guy? He needs legal and financial help ASAP. Where do you start?

 

nutherjrfan
nutherjrfan SuperDork
9/30/18 6:08 p.m.

Sucks but some kind of public or better church assistance.  Legal especially.  It's better than nothing.

Then prayer and avoid resentment.

Oh yeah get better neighbors - I hope they realize what they did and actually care next time.  

Sometimes I'm glad women ignore me. My manager made my head spin with the family tree of multiple break-ups remarriages etc. indecision

gunner
gunner HalfDork
9/30/18 6:16 p.m.

First thing I would advise financially is to call every one of his creditors and explain the situation and ask for temporary relief. I doubt he will find any but they will at least get it on record that he is having issues paying the bills and why. First things first, when that paycheck rolls in open a new account with a different bank that the wife can't immediately get ahold of and pay the utilities. The mortgage shouldn't have foreclosed in 30 days, so I'm flying a little blind here. Alternately since he already has a job real quickly pay for a week at one of those rent for the week hotels while he is searching for a cheap apartment. Get a lawyer. Have him call a divorce attorney and that attorney can tell him if he needs additional council and what kind. It may be tough figuring out what bills there are but checking his bank statements can yield the majority of that info. The bank can get usually 90 days worth of statements. 

OHSCrifle
OHSCrifle Dork
9/30/18 6:25 p.m.

In reply to gunner :

Good info Gunner. I think the 30 days is some kind of automatic restraining order based on the charge. Not necessarily the mortgage. 

spitfirebill
spitfirebill MegaDork
9/30/18 6:25 p.m.

He couldn't have been served with divorce papers without knowing something was happening.  These are probably separation papers, but she sure had done some background work.  What a really nice lady.  Maybe men should start their own version of #metoo and this is it.  

Ovid_and_Flem
Ovid_and_Flem SuperDork
9/30/18 6:30 p.m.

You never really know a woman until you meet her in court.

KyAllroad (Jeremy)
KyAllroad (Jeremy) PowerDork
9/30/18 6:37 p.m.

He needs a lawyer NOW.  Figure on being seriously broke for the next couple of years.  Hopefully she gets herpes , aids, and hit by a truck.  Women like that are scum.

Ovid_and_Flem
Ovid_and_Flem SuperDork
9/30/18 6:41 p.m.

In all seriousness, there's probably more to this story than you know. First of all if she did in fact file for divorce in Georgia and then take off to another state she has done him a favor. To wit, she has subjected herself to the Georgia jurisdiction. If she wanted to really be a jerk she could have absconded and filed for divorce in a new state requiring him to litigate in a foreign jurisdiction. So it's good that he's at least at home in Georgia for the legal proceedings.

 

Second, if she has abandoned the marital domicile it should be a very simple pleAding 2 get back in the house well before the 30-day period.

Third, if he was the sole breadwinner unless there is a temporary support order he should immediately stop direct deposit of his paycheck so she doesn't have access to his earnings. Thus he will restore income in short order.

Fourth, there is going to be a paper trail of drain bank accounts to prove she has absconded with marital assets some of which will obviously be returned to him. Bottom line is you don't know the whole story so while being supportive keep in mind there's probably a lot more going on than you know.

He's going to be okay provided he does not rest on his laurels and let her walk all over him. Something Southern men do all too often

Ovid_and_Flem
Ovid_and_Flem SuperDork
9/30/18 6:50 p.m.

In reply to spitfirebill :

Of course she could have filed.for divorce and served.him with c omplaint.

Streetwiseguy
Streetwiseguy UltimaDork
9/30/18 6:55 p.m.

Yep.  Lock everything that has his name on it.  Go to the mortgage holder and explain.  Stop any method of her draining anything left.  Consider reporting the child situation to the proper authorities. File his own divorce paperwork.  When she comes back, (and she will) don't let her in the house. 

spitfirebill
spitfirebill MegaDork
9/30/18 7:00 p.m.
Ovid_and_Flem said:

In reply to spitfirebill :

Of course she could have filed.for divorce and served.him with c omplaint.

I’m talking about final papers.  

spitfirebill
spitfirebill MegaDork
9/30/18 7:05 p.m.

I would think he would have a decent chance at getting custody of the child if he gets a decent lawyer.  But then the money for lawyers can really start flowing.  

OHSCrifle
OHSCrifle Dork
9/30/18 7:07 p.m.

Hey guys thanks. I’m certain that details of what I wrote are incomplete but the advice is solid (as typical @GRM). This post has been shared with him. 

Ovid_and_Flem
Ovid_and_Flem SuperDork
9/30/18 7:10 p.m.
spitfirebill said:

I would think he would have a decent chance at getting custody of the child if he gets a decent lawyer.  But then the money for lawyers can really start flowing.  

Based on what?  Child custody polestar concern is what's in child's best interest. Has nothing to do with her being a crappy wife. So far I've seen nothing one way or the other that deals with best interest of child.

Ovid_and_Flem
Ovid_and_Flem SuperDork
9/30/18 7:14 p.m.

In reply to OHSCrifle :

As I tell every one of my clients, it is not going to be as bad as you fear. It will work out. I've been correct 99.9% of the time. Right now he needs to take care of himself, take a deep breath and move forward. Don't do anything foolish. Maintain and even strain.

 

Most importantly do not involve the child in adult matters. That is, do not fish for information from the child about Mom or try to get the child to see his side. Leave the child out of it. Hard to do. If the judge suspect he's doing that it will bite him in the ass

OHSCrifle
OHSCrifle Dork
9/30/18 7:21 p.m.

yes

Ovid_and_Flem
Ovid_and_Flem SuperDork
9/30/18 7:28 p.m.

In reply to OHSCrifle :

If he can find it within himself to just ignore her and act as if everything is copacetic and under control from his end, it will drive her batE36 M3

spitfirebill
spitfirebill MegaDork
9/30/18 8:26 p.m.
Ovid_and_Flem said:
spitfirebill said:

I would think he would have a decent chance at getting custody of the child if he gets a decent lawyer.  But then the money for lawyers can really start flowing.  

Based on what?  Child custody polestar concern is what's in child's best interest. Has nothing to do with her being a crappy wife. So far I've seen nothing one way or the other that deals with best interest of child.

I have no idea about how Ga does it, but S.C. takes a dim view of a child being in a house with a parent that’s shacking up. I am basing this on my daughter’s experience.  For all the jokes made about WV, family court was handled much better.  

Im not an attorney and didn’t stay at a Holiday Inn last night so I’ll just shut up.  

jmthunderbirdturbo
jmthunderbirdturbo HalfDork
9/30/18 11:18 p.m.

scrape together a grand in cash, and walk to the nearest hitman willing to take a cheap shot? 

 

I have zero sympathy for legally married and supported wives ditching their responsibilities for another man.  if you don't love him/her anymore, FINE, then say it out loud, agree to a civil splitting of assets, and try your best not to destroy your children's lives. to just drop it on someone and ditch the state with someones child is ASKING for uncivil, and in some cases, illegal reaction. 

 

ill say this: if I ever sit on a jury where someone did this kind of thing to their spouse, and that spouse's reaction ended with a .45 to their soon-to-be-ex's dome, my votes not going to be guilty. 

 

-J0N

EastCoastMojo
EastCoastMojo Mod Squad
10/1/18 5:48 a.m.

In reply to jmthunderbirdturbo :

I don't think that's the path we really want for this dude. 

frenchyd
frenchyd UltraDork
10/1/18 6:46 a.m.

In reply to OHSCrifle :

That’s one side of the story, obviously not the whole.   

However if there was no physical altercation  at best its’s 5th degree domestic abuse which requires only overnight jail and release on on own recognizance. 

( 5th degree means the complainant ( wife)  fears future violence) 

Neighbors called police is a clue. Either there were shouted threats, loud enough for neighbors to hear or they were in on it.  Working on her behalf.  If the later is the case A good lawyer can shred such “evidence” as hearsay  and have it dismissed or even not admitted. 

Domestic conflicts get ugly quickly.  That’s why police treat them very seriously but the truth may be far different than what was reported by either one.  

Left the state is another big clue.  It’s time to get an investigator involved. Where did she go with the kids? Does she have a new boyfriend? 

Wont do for him to do the investigation. Needs a 3rd party to testify.  Ask at the local police department  if someone is willing to be hired for that sort of work.  If so and there is a new boyfriend or something as condemning then the record of domestic abuse gets tossed quickly and he’s well on his way to a more fair resolution.  

spitfirebill
spitfirebill MegaDork
10/1/18 6:49 a.m.

In reply to frenchyd :

The original post says she left for a boyfriend.  

FIYAPOWA
FIYAPOWA Reader
10/1/18 7:53 a.m.
OHSCrifle said:

This guy was sole breadwinner. Wife of 28 yrs is bipolar.. but wife handled all bills. 12 year old kid in the mix.

This week, wife presented divorce papers saying he had to leave the house in 30 minutes, stuck papers in his face but wouldn’t let him read. He snatched the papers which led to arguing. No physical altercation, but neighbors heard and called police - he got taken to jail for domestic XYZ, released after three days.

Now he can’t go back in house for 30 days.  During jail time, wife drained all bank accounts, savings and checking. He is now homeless, and living in his truck. Broke.

Bills are coming and not being paid. Racking up fees. Wife heading to another state to be with another man she knew from HS. Daughter in tow apparently.

What would GRM advise for this guy? He needs legal and financial help ASAP. Where do you start?

 

In my experience (3 divorces, yay me), he needs to do a few things immediately: 

1. Get a lawyer.  I don't think the wife can throw him out with divorce papers.  I suspect that she initiated the domestic disturbance so she could do whatever she wanted with the house and everything in it while he is barred from interfering.  

2. Secure his income.  Even if she has a support order, he is not required to give her his entire paycheck.  He should set up all new accounts, call creditors etc.

3.  If wife leaves with daughter, that may be an abandonment issue, and he may come out ahead on that.

4. Find someplace to sleep besides the truck.  Sounds like he does not have good bros, which may be related to psycho wife.  

5. Mental / spiritual counseling.  If he doesn't have someone that he feels comfortable with, PM me.  I am a Racers for Christ chaplain, and would be more than willing to listen and help him through this.

 

Ian F
Ian F MegaDork
10/1/18 8:25 a.m.

I feel for the guy.  Try to get a sense for what he actually knows about his finances.  I've known a few men who are literally useless when it comes to handling money.  My father is one of them. Earn money - sure. But actually keeping track of any sort of budget so bills get paid - forget it.  If the guy's wife handled the bills, he may literally know next to nothing about who gets paid what and when.

Hoondavan
Hoondavan Reader
10/1/18 9:19 a.m.

Bummer...but it's probably a good thing in the long-run.  The next year or two will be terrible...but tell him he'll be happier in the long run.  

Have him run his credit report.  https://www.ftc.gov/faq/consumer-protection/get-my-free-credit-report

That'll give him a list of any credit cards, and other revolving debt/bills that might be in his name.  He should freeze his credit so she can't apply for cards or take out loans in his name.  

 

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