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Login to post Forums » Off-topic discussion » Need help punishing my kid

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May 31, 2009 1:28 p.m. DrBoost Reader

Ok, "punishing" isn't the right word here, but I seriously am looking for ideas from other parents here. Here's the situation: My 7-year old boy, we'll call him Jake since that's his name has a habit of not giving a crap about anything belonging to anyone else. Today the remote control was on the couch where he was going to sit (I bet it's because he left it there) so instead of setting it on the end table or the TV like he's been told, he threw it on the floor, breaking the $350 remote!! Now, generally speaking, he's a very good kid, as are his little sister and brother but this pissed me off. I'm not one to punish a kid just to punish him, I prefer to discipline in a way that will teach him a lesson about the situation at hand. For example, the two older kids have "morning must-do's" that they, uh, must do before school. One of them is making his/her bed. Jake messed up Morgan's bed on purpose and lied about it. So, for the next week, making her bed was added to his list of must-do's. Man he hated it but he has not done that again, the lesson was learned. I'd like to figure out how to teach him something here about respecting other peoples property, weather community or personal property. As a punishment he's had TV priviledges taken away among other concequences, but I need to teach him something. Any ideas?

I was thinking about maybe making him drive a front wheel drive GM car from the 80's or 90's when he's older as punishment, but that's just plain mean and I'm afraid the Law would step in and put me in jail.
May 31, 2009 1:31 p.m. carguy123 Dork

Duct tape is your friend!

make a mummy out of him and throw him in a dark closet for about a week. He'll listen next time.
May 31, 2009 1:34 p.m. walterj Dork

I would make him be the remote for everyone else for a week or two as immediate punishment and take away the TV privs for all of summer vacation. They are better off w/o it anyway so its not really as much punishment as a favor to him.
May 31, 2009 1:35 p.m. carguy123 Dork

Just kidding, kinda.

No, I'd say punish is the right word for what you need to do. Each kid needs a different approach. What may work for one won't work on the other. One of ours you could just look cross at and they'd behave another was the complete other end of the spectrum and she got spanked virtually every day.

It's like that old joke about the mule and the 2x4 first you've got to get their attention. I don't know what it will take with that one, but just resign yourself to it will take something drastic to get his attention. The good news is that once you get their attention things should slack of a lot. They've got to know you're serious and you mean it.

It's good he's only 7, what if you still hadn't got his attention and he was 16? Do it now so that you and his life will be easier in the future.
May 31, 2009 1:46 p.m. wherethefmi HalfDork

+1 on making him everyones remote for two weeks. That would get annoying quick. Oh and WTF costs 350 beans about a remote, you rich people I swear LOL.
May 31, 2009 2:05 p.m. 4cylndrfury HalfDork

I was Jake for a few years as a lad. I didnt care about my stuff and was always leaving it all over. One day I left my bike behind my dads car and he almost flattened it. Instead he just bent the handlebars. They made me do chores that weekend for cash to fix it. Then my worst nightmare came true when my parents made me take my bike to the church freestore for the poor and give it to a kid who would be grateful for it. That kinda sucked since I just did hours of chores to get it fixed. And when I asked for a new bike for christmas (only a month away), I got a note from santa (funny cuz I was 11 and definitely didnt believe in santa anymore) that new bikes dont cost too much and my folks would be willing to pay me for doing extra chores around the house and would match any money I made that I wanted to put towards a new bike. later that spring I bought a brand new Schwinn, with a number plate and a pad set, and they threw in a new appreciation for stuff...both mine and other peoples.
May 31, 2009 2:32 p.m. JFX001 Dork

Make your Children appreciate what they have, and the consequences of losing said objects and privileges.

I do not "pick my battles" with my 6 (just turned this week) or 15 (will be 16 next week) year old children.

There are no debates, this is Dad Land, not a democracy.

There is no pussification of Parenting here, they knowingly do something that is wrong, they should be punished for it.
May 31, 2009 2:40 p.m. jpod999 Reader

Do you know anyone with a prosthetic arm that could be ripped off in some freak accident to teach him a lesson?
May 31, 2009 2:45 p.m. Apexcarver UltraDork

worked on me when i was a kid

NEVER get carried away with it, but properly applied it CERTAINLY gets a kids attention.
May 31, 2009 2:48 p.m. warpedredneck New Reader

jpod999 wrote:

Do you know anyone with a prosthetic arm that could be ripped off in some freak accident to teach him a lesson?

i just blew coffee out my nose over this comment! my god thats awesome!
May 31, 2009 2:51 p.m. stroker Reader

DrBoost wrote: ...so instead of setting it on the end table or the TV like he's been told, he threw it on the floor, breaking the $350 remote!! Now, generally speaking, he's a very good kid, as are his little sister and brother but this pissed me off. ...but I need to teach him something. Any ideas?

As the parent of a 18mo old girl I'm a long way from being in your shoes so take this for whatever it's worth. I'd be trying to instill the concept of what $350 is and the fact that just because something doesn't belong to you doesn't mean you have no responsibility for it. I'd put a whiteboard up in the kitchen with the number $350 on it, then make him work that bugger off. It might be a lesson to the others, too. Make sure he understands that the same principle applies to everybody's property he touches.
May 31, 2009 3:54 p.m. PubBurgers Dork

jpod999 wrote:

Do you know anyone with a prosthetic arm that could be ripped off in some freak accident to teach him a lesson?

No, he died when someone left a door open with the air conditioner running.
May 31, 2009 4:07 p.m. mad_machine UltraDork

a couple of good spankings never hurt anybody.. they have worked for centuries
May 31, 2009 4:41 p.m. SkinnyG Reader

While you are working through what to do - spend time with your kid. You need to be involved in his life, and he needs to know that you are involved in his life, that you care about him, value him, and take joy in him and his interests. This sounds somewhat airy-fairy and hand-holding-kumbaya, but he may likely act out for attention (either positive or negative) less if he feels he is a "beloved" son.

He's 7. He isn't even getting into his worst years yet.

I teach highschool shop - the worst behaved kids are the ones with absent or uninvolved fathers. Not saying this is you - but it's good to learn from the mistakes of others. The longer I teach, the more I want to pour my heart into my own kids.

If you don't mind reading a Christianity-influenced book, I highly recommend "The Way of the Wild Heart" by John Eldridge. He has a very different approach to raising boys that makes total sense to us fathers. It really inspires you to be a good father, and helping to create and work through opportunities to help your son through "growing up" to be a man. I'm not affiliated, but I've read it twice and I highly recommend it.

G
May 31, 2009 4:58 p.m. Jensenman MegaDork

Plus eleventy billion on spending time with the kid. The trick: how to be a friend but still be Dad at the same time. That can be a real tightrope walk.

Like anything, overuse of a punishment tends to make it less effective. I believe in the occasional spanking, but the situation has to demand it. I would say that at age 7 the defiance and intentional breakage of the remote would warrant a spanking, to be followed with the 2 weeks as the family's remote suggestion.

Punishment choice is age and development related as well, my daughter is almost 12 which in my eyes takes her out of the spanking range and into the grounding/suspension of priviliges area (not that she is a bad kid at all, quite the opposite). The other afternoon, she took off to a friend's house 2 doors down and didn't tell either of us where she was going. She was gone only about 45 minutes and we knew where she was but that's not the point, she knows she is to tell either me or her mom before she goes off like that. I tried something a little different, I gave her a choice: either 1 week grounded from TV/Wii/DS etc or 2 weeks of no allowance but she still does her chores. She picked #2. The idea: by making a choice she has to 1) admit she broke the house rules 2) by involving her in the decision it's not like a pronouncement from on high, so to speak 3) I learned what would be a more effective punishment if there's a next time.
May 31, 2009 5:44 p.m. Toyman01 Reader

Jensenman wrote:

Plus eleventy billion on spending time with the kid. The trick: how to be a friend but still be Dad at the same time. That can be a real tightrope walk.

Like anything, overuse of a punishment tends to make it less effective. I believe in the occasional spanking, but the situation has to demand it. I would say that at age 7 the defiance and intentional breakage of the remote would warrant a spanking, to be followed with the 2 weeks as the family's remote suggestion.

Punishment choice is age and development related as well, my daughter is almost 12 which in my eyes takes her out of the spanking range and into the grounding/suspension of priviliges area (not that she is a bad kid at all, quite the opposite). The other afternoon, she took off to a friend's house 2 doors down and didn't tell either of us where she was going. She was gone only about 45 minutes and we knew where she was but that's not the point, she knows she is to tell either me or her mom before she goes off like that. I tried something a little different, I gave her a choice: either 1 week grounded from TV/Wii/DS etc or 2 weeks of no allowance but she still does her chores. She picked #2. The idea: by making a choice she has to 1) admit she broke the house rules 2) by involving her in the decision it's not like a pronouncement from on high, so to speak 3) I learned what would be a more effective punishment if there's a next time.

+1

I would also make him work it off. 5 bucks an hour and he would be working with me for the rest of the summer on house/shop projects. It is a sure way to teach him the value of things. They need to understand that money = work. TNSTAAFL
May 31, 2009 6:22 p.m. 93gsxturbo Reader

I would be spanking the E36 M3 out of the little berkeleyer.

Then I would wonder why I owned a $350 television remote that didn't have an attachment to suck my dick. Unless yours does. In that case, well played sir.
May 31, 2009 7:15 p.m. StevenFV19 New Reader

93gsxturbo wrote:

Then I would wonder why I owned a $350 television remote that didn't have an attachment to suck my dick. Unless yours does. In that case, well played sir.

I laughed so hard when I read that. anyway, when I told my parents I was going to a different house than the one I actually went to, they just sat me down and talked to me, and took away going out for like 2 weeks. I'd say talk to him and ask him why he broke the remote, and tell him what he should have done. take away tv, forgive him, and spend lots of time with him.
I'm 16, but it worked for me. Good luck
May 31, 2009 7:30 p.m. Tommy Suddard SonDork

Well, my family says I am a Nazi when it comes to my stuff. I'm waaaaaayyyyy too overprotective. The bottom line: I would kill the kid if he broke my $350 anything.

Ok, not really.

The last thing I loaned my sister was a flash drive. Somehow, it went missing for two weeks, then she returned it broken. It was a 9 volt battery that I had stuffed a thumb drive in, so I couldn't just buy another – I had spent a lot of time on it. So, I decided to make her pay for a battery, some epoxy, and a flash drive. Later this week, we are going out to the shop, and I am going to show her how to make another.

She'll hate it at first, then learn a new skill and have a new appreciation for my stuff. I think it will be a good punishment, but I am still a kid myself.
May 31, 2009 7:35 p.m. Salanis UltraDork

Okay, not a parent, so take what I say with a grain of salt. However, I did teach junior high kids for several years, so I'm not completely clueless.

+1 on both making him work it off, and spending time with him so that he associates doing productive things with getting attention. But why not do both at once?

Perhaps press him into service on a summer project that you both do together. Make him be your mechanical or woodworking assistant, or your personal track gofor.

At the same time, find something else to do with the better behaved kids to reward their good behavior.
May 31, 2009 7:35 p.m. Appleseed HalfDork

After a couple of times with "The Belt" I got the fear. Mind you I wasn't beaten, just a little thwap that stung for 2-3 seconds. All the Old Man had to say was "knock that crap off." To which it might escalate to "Go get my belt." The fear of having to get, yourself, the tool that will hurt you was worse than anything I could imagine. The punishment usually never had to go beyond "Get my belt." Effective.

The point is, he was involved, and what light spanking I got was justified. I don't hate him now that I'm a grown up, and I don't plan on killing anyone. Like I said: effective.
May 31, 2009 7:36 p.m. wherethefmi HalfDork

Ok advice from the kiddies on the board LOL. Though your perspective is appreciated I don't think you can comment till you've had kids. I hope you are both still virgins.
May 31, 2009 9:32 p.m. cb New Reader

my 5 soon to be 6yearold son is starting to push the limits. he has learned rather quickly that when he messes up he is the one who gets to pick what his punishment is.. and it is usually something he really enjoys. such as losing his his ds for a day then a week. and after that it steps up to no dvd before bed.. we just started this system a few weeks ago and have had much sucess. not that it would work for all but so far so good for us.
May 31, 2009 11:18 p.m. carguy123 Dork

Belts work, working it off works, duct tape works, a cross look or maybe even just a talking to works. Many things work, the trick is finding what works with your kid. Your kids have to have good strong base of morals and conduct codes to carry them thru their lives and only you can give them to them. These values come from how you handle just such incidents as this.

If he/she is 14 simply taking the cell phone away for a month can be catastrophic and nothing more might be required, but the bottom line is that the kid has to learn that you are boss & there are boundaries he/she cannot cross without consequences (and the without consequences is a very important part of the equation).

In the process of learning the boundaries they will acquire a set of values they will carry throughout their lives that tells them that destroying a non-sucking remote is bad.

They need positive reinforcement and they need negative reinforcement. Ya gotta have both for either to be appreciated.

All 3 of our kids have left home YAHHHHHH. And all 3 have told us at various & separate times that even tho they hated the discipline at the time they've come to appreciate what we were doing for them. They all are hyper critical of the parenting skills of their friends because with the perspective of age they have seen the consequences of the liberal parent by watching the friends they all envied in school and seeing how they turned out.

Be logical, be reasonable and be consistent.

My son is the youngest and only a few years out of college. He works with a young crowd and when he finds a screw up in the crowd he's always telling us that old so & so must not have had good parents or didn't have a family that cared for them. They do learn.

It does your heart good.
June 1, 2009 1:25 a.m. Opus Dork

Talk to him and find out why he did that....

Turn him into the human remote for 2 weeks and get a $10 universal to run the remote for a while. If you want the $350 one again, he does not get to use it and can only use the $10 one. If it does not control everything, It is his fault.

Good luck, my daughter is only 4 and has adopted the word NO! as her new favorite word. Lots of screaming and crying as she gets a time out or worse, activities taken away (playhouse disney is high on her list)

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