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Brett_Murphy
Brett_Murphy UltimaDork
3/1/19 8:47 a.m.

We now have a thread for quotes that made you laugh, were phrased perfectly or are otherwise worth sharing.

An example from today is Duke, with this gem: "That would be a cricket.  Jumping spiders look like powerlifter normal spiders."

paranoid_android
paranoid_android UberDork
3/1/19 1:02 p.m.

From the latest issue of GRM:

”To cover the even wider stance, fender flares were added to the fender flares.”

Yassssss

wink

Dusterbd13-michael
Dusterbd13-michael MegaDork
3/1/19 1:08 p.m.

Brother Dustin: id rather put my nuts in a vice and smack my pecker with a hammer 

Dad: not running is an inconvenience. Not stopping will kill you. 

Dad: do it right or go the berkeley home 

Dad: failure to plan on your behalf does not constitute an emergency on mine

Dallas: dont stick your hootus in crazy. You can't wash it off.

Dallas: you know why my divorce was so expensive? Worth every berkeleying penny.

EastCoastMojo
EastCoastMojo Mod Squad
3/1/19 3:04 p.m.

My quote for the day:

Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Another good one:

The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm is in for a nasty surprise.

NOHOME
NOHOME UltimaDork
3/1/19 3:21 p.m.

No need to be honest with a woman. Creatures who wears makeup want nothing to do with the truth.

Torkel
Torkel New Reader
3/1/19 3:46 p.m.

My team declaring the status of their projects in our short review meeting (they are suppose to say green, yellow or red):

- "All green expect for Quality, which has taken a slight turn towards amber. But if XX gets his E36 M3 together and pass the stupid hot surface test, we will be green again".

- "My E36 M3 is all Green. And not everyday standard boring green, but a beautiful, sparkling, emerald green".

- "Brown. It's all Brown! This project is totally brown and I'm still unhappy you gave it to me. Why can't XX have it, since all his E36 M3 is so sparkly green anyway?"

Appleseed
Appleseed MegaDork
3/1/19 6:44 p.m.

You can't lie to a nun, Jake. We gotta go and visit the Penguin. 

ultraclyde
ultraclyde PowerDork
3/1/19 7:54 p.m.

Best Yelp review I've ever read, about a local place:

"This is not a restaurant. They do take credit cards. Watch out for the pack of wild dogs."

 

Well ok Scott F from Jacksonville, right the berkeley on!

John Welsh
John Welsh Mod Squad
3/1/19 8:04 p.m.

"Don't tack until they lift the guns!"  As detailed over in this thread.

Wally
Wally MegaDork
3/1/19 8:07 p.m.

“I was a bit behind in my steering”

-Me explaining to the state trooper lying on what was left of my Escort waiting for the ambulance. 

kazoospec
kazoospec UltraDork
3/1/19 8:54 p.m.
John Welsh said:

"Don't tack until they lift the guns!"  As detailed over in this thread.

That sounds like something this guy would say:  

 

Mine is from my dad:  Never borrow a tool you can't afford to fix. 

Wally
Wally MegaDork
3/1/19 9:13 p.m.

I’m happy my date didn’t snoop in my medicine cabinet but sad I spent an hour setting up 40 ping pong balls in there for nothing

-A tweet a friend shared that I kept giggling at while I was waiting for my physical 

chandler
chandler PowerDork
3/2/19 6:11 a.m.

I saw a reader board this week in Sligo Kentucky that said:

“Electricians have to strip to make ends meet”.

 

yes, yes they do.

Datsun310Guy
Datsun310Guy UltimaDork
3/2/19 6:28 a.m.

Only place I can post this one stuck in my head;

When in doubt, I whip it out, I got me a rock ‘n roll band 

Daylan C
Daylan C UltraDork
3/2/19 7:09 a.m.

Standing next to the extremely over heated Fadal mill with smoke pouring out from around the motor.

Me: Boss, I think we broke it.

Team lead: I think we did too.

 

Appleseed
Appleseed MegaDork
3/2/19 7:55 a.m.

My local hobby shop 25 years ago had bumper stickers.

"R/Cers do it with frequency. "

Johnboyjjb
Johnboyjjb HalfDork
3/2/19 9:10 a.m.

In the tool room on the flight line is a bumper sticker:
Virgin Atlantic: More Experience then Our Name Implies

Dirtydog
Dirtydog Dork
3/2/19 11:38 a.m.

About 40 years ago, my good friend asked me to take a Greyhound ride to upstate NY. This was to pick up a truck for the business he worked for.  After an all night ride, we were dropped off in this small town just south of the Canadian border.  Pre dawn, I looked at him and asked, "What do we do now?"   He dead panned, "Not get arrested."  We still use that line today.

Dirtydog
Dirtydog Dork
3/2/19 11:41 a.m.

To be or not to be- Shakespeare

To be is to do- Socrates

Doobe Doobe Do- Sinatra

Curtis
Curtis UltimaDork
3/2/19 11:43 a.m.

A comedian said "I'm half way to becoming a criminal lawyer.  I just need the lawyer part."

RealMiniNoMore
RealMiniNoMore PowerDork
3/2/19 11:46 a.m.
EastCoastMojo said:

The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm is in for a nasty surprise.

The second mouse gets the cheese. 

aircooled
aircooled MegaDork
3/2/19 11:46 a.m.

In the immortal words of Socrates:

”I drank what!?”

 

Streetwiseguy
Streetwiseguy MegaDork
3/2/19 11:52 a.m.

When someone has told me a fairy tale;  "I don't mind you lying to me, but it's just sad to lie to yourself."

Mndsm
Mndsm MegaDork
3/2/19 12:35 p.m.

"How on fire is it" when explaining to the brewmaster his truck was on fire. When I said a little, he said it was fine and went back to work. 

AngryCorvair
AngryCorvair MegaDork
3/2/19 1:07 p.m.

“You never miss a slice off a cut ham.”  - my Dad, on whether or not my girlfriend was cheating on me.  Well, more like why I should have been stabbing anything with a pulse even though I had a girlfriend.

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