My son is turning 12 in a couple of months and my wife is really getting on me about having the talk with him.
He is a blonde haired, blue eyed devil that is extremely popular with the girls in his school. I already have the feeling that he knows more then he lets on and I just want to make to make sure he makes well informed educated decisions.
Any advice?
I can guarantee that this will be way more awkward for me than him.......
All I can tell you is consider the consequences of NOT having The Talk, and that should give you all the nerve you need. As the father of 19- and 15-year-old daughters, I just laid it out pretty plainly: I can't stop you from figuring out how to put Tab A into Slot B, so if you decide to do that, make sure you use a condom from start to finish EVERY TIME. I also told them to understand it was a life-altering decision and that they shouldn't make it lightly. We explained that although we were not married when we became active, we had been each other's first and only because we waited until we were sure it was the right thing to do.
Ask him what he knows, fill in the gaps, and hand him a pack of rubbers with the line "This isn't encouragement. But you've been known to do some spectacularly dumb stuff in your life". 
(Assuming that he has been known, like my brother and I, to do some spectacularly dumb stuff)
My mom sat me down and told me it was time for the discussion about the birds and the bees. My reply was, "Alright! We learned about how people 'do it' in school, but I want to know how the birds and bees do it!" 
My parents were lucky enough to have a potato-bodied geeky weirdo for a son
Marty! wrote: I already have the feeling that he knows more then he lets on...
They always do!
Be sure to blow up a condom and then stick it over your head. It not only gets their attention but also makes a point.
Here's what I wish my father would've done:
I hate to break it to you, but if he's 12 and has access to the interwebs, he knows which tab(s) go into which of any number of slots. Damned spoiled kids and their internets. You're supposed to discover teh pr0ns via scrambled 'spice' channel ;)
My advice: Tell him falling in love happens when your brain is fully developed. Until then, 'no means no,' wrap that thing up tight, and draw him an "age" vs. "likelihood of bagging 2 chicks at one time" graph. Then again, I don't know what the berkeley I'm talking about.
Wifey says: "my mom accidentally put a porno tape in the VCR thinking it was a kids movie. When she turned it on, she realized what is was, but for weeks after wifey asked why the woman was licking the other womans 'kitty cat.'"
My friend suggest handing him a duffle bag full of condoms and tell him that you don't want any grandkids.
I think, like mtm, you should ask him what he knows. You may learn something.
The ex had 'The Talk' with the daughter, where I came in that picture was later. I have a 'no bullE36 M3' policy with her on important stuff, I don't get into all the fluff, it comes straight from the shoulder.
Somehow one of our conversations turned to the subject (meaning I didn't set the stage, so to speak, same as when we discussed peer pressure) and I looked her straight in the eye and told her I knew there was no way in hell I could make her not do it before the correct time but that if she needed birth control I would help her.
I also told her that having a baby at age (plug in your favorite way too young age here) was the best way I could think of to derail the rest of her life and that boys didn't have it nearly as bad as girls in that kind of situation. Truth: it was a scary conversation, one of the scariest I've ever had. But she knows her dad will help her any way he can to not mess up her life and that's the important thing.
Rent a pwerno, watch it with him and tell him that is what love is. Tell him when he finds it... to give you call
One of my best friends lost his virginity with one of his mom's friends' daughters around 14 or so. His parents were quite upset and had a stern talk with him.
Well they both were until his mom left. Then his dad secretly congratulated him
When my dad said, "It's time we had a talk about sex." I said, "OK, whaddaa wanna know?"
He told me that he's sure that I've probably been told some wrong things and I proceeded to give him a very accurate account of how humans procreate. I was a geek so I had studied it from a medical standpoint. He goes, cool, I did learn something, you'll be fine!!
I have a 10 year old son. He's starting puberty so I asked him if he knew what was going on, why certain "parts" have their own mind, etc. I got detailed enough until he said, "Stop, I think that's enough for now."
We've slowly added every few months as he's ready for it. It was actually quite good for him since he had started wondering if something was "wrong" with him.
I'm sure your son is past that point, but keep that in mind. He probably does know a lot. I say be real upfront and frank about it. A little humor (just a little), helps, too. Chances are he has some questions and as long as you don't lie and don't hide something because you're uncomfortable, you'll be fine. It's critical to be honest at this point. Anything you hide or lie about (because chances are he knows the answer and is getting confirmation), might make him weary of asking again.
Good luck. You WANT to talk to him about it. You WANT to do the right thing. You're already more successful than 90% of the parents out there.
-Rob
Make sure you tell him to always have lye and shovels in the trunk too because sometimes the rubber breaks.
THE problem isn't that your kid probably knows more than he is letting on....THE problem is going to be that he THINKS he knows it all.
My father THOUGHT he had the talk with me....it was pretty much "girls are different from boys" (and with 4 sisters, he didn't think I already knew that?) and I was always just a bit too embarrassed to ask anyone with more experience.
BTW, if you have kids that are quite young (and I don't have any, so my advice is ...?) instead of trying to tell them they need to think long and hard (no pun intended) before doing it, try suddenly taking a priviledge away for no good reason. After a day or two of "suffering" explain that having sex can SUDDENLY change their lives and make simple pleasures hard to come by (again, no pun intended) once they become parents. And while their "friends" will say otherwise..."it only takes one time".
poopshovel wrote: and draw him an "age" vs. "likelihood of bagging 2 chicks at one time" graph.
This is terrible advice. Clearly, there are other variables to consider.
Luke wrote:poopshovel wrote: and draw him an "age" vs. "likelihood of bagging 2 chicks at one time" graph.This is terrible advice. Clearly, there are other variables to consider.
Intrigued.
poopshovel wrote:Luke wrote:Intrigued.poopshovel wrote: and draw him an "age" vs. "likelihood of bagging 2 chicks at one time" graph.This is terrible advice. Clearly, there are other variables to consider.
The 3rd axis of this graph is the quantity of tequila
poopshovel wrote:Luke wrote:Intrigued.poopshovel wrote: and draw him an "age" vs. "likelihood of bagging 2 chicks at one time" graph.This is terrible advice. Clearly, there are other variables to consider.
Confounding factors may include:
Sobriety of all parties involved; relationship between other parties (i.e. just met, best friends, other?); general "vibe" or atmosphere of location; current proximity of all parties to your flat.
Grtechguy wrote: The 3rd axis of this graph is the quantity of tequila
Good thing I have a bottle of Patron ready and waiting at all times, plus a spare bottle of whatever once that gets polished off to keep the party going.
Tequila makes every party better, especially when doing shots with no hands in a Mario costume. Oh the (fuzzy) memories...
I'm trying to remember if my parents ever had the talk with me. I was a pretty bright lad, it seemed obvious that tab 1 goes into slot (A, B, C) lol. Beyond that, it was quite obvious how incredibly berkeleyed you'd be if you had a kid before the age of 25 if it wasn't planned. I believe my parents talk was "Don't get someone pregnant, or we'll kill you".
I got a book http://www.amazon.com/Boys-Only-Girls-Discusses-Womanhood/dp/1600610692/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1314847196&sr=1-4
It was the hard bound one and was published in the 50's. I recieved it in the 80's. "Here boy. Um, Ask me if you have any questions". Not a good way to learn, especially when dad leaves the country for six monts two weeks after giving it to me. That was the end of my sex education until I worked up the courage to buy a magazine.
I figured it out after wondering why some hydraulic fittings are called "male" and others "female," then realizing that males and females probably fit together similarly to hydraulic hoses. I was 8 or 9, so it took a few years before I was finally taught that my theory was indeed true.
Moral of the story: he most likely knows most of it already. Just tell him the rest, then tell him you'll give him $5 for every chick he bangs. That way, you'll know if he ever does anything because he'll come to collect his money. You can then punish him accordingly.
Also, the hydraulic companies are corrupting our children! Something needs to be done about the vulgar designations given to hose fittings!
I have nothing to add except to share the impromptu talk my wife and two steps sons had in the living room today.
The 17 year old asks his brother, "Do you know what masturbation is?" The 12 year old answers confidently, "Yeah, it's when you can't poop."
But some of the links on his laptop I accidentally stumbled across tells me he knows what it is even if he doesn't know the definition.
My "talk" was frank, explicit, honest, and it happened when I was 5. I started asking too many questions so they figured I was ready... and I was. My best friend's "talk" happened when he was 13 and consisted of his dad saying, "guess its time for you to buy a box of condoms."
We both turned out surprisingly similarly in our emotional development.
I only relay that to maybe help take the stress off of it a little. If the two of us had such vastly different sexual upbringings and turned out similarly, I think all you need to do is your best. I think kids get much of their sexual education from their peers. My parents were always there with correct information if I had any questions.
I would say, keep the lines open, tell him as much as he can absorb, and leave it when it seems like he's squirmy or hitting overload.
I would just emphasize how easy it is to make bad decision when under the influence of temptation. Yeah, it's easy to tell pop that you would always use a condom, but what if he's at a girl's house, her parents are gone, she's giving him those doey eyes, and damn, he left his rubbers in his nightstand? Some decisions are easy, some are not.
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