In reply to mndsm:
My brother lost over $1 million in a divorce a little over a year ago. He has now made back 4x that post-divorce. Good move on his part. I didn't care about her side, as she cleaned him out so effectively. I just had some supportive texts for him. Granted, we're not super close, but still--no cares about her side of the story. Not my business.
I just want to know more about why she's with who she's with now and what she's on about. She seems pretty bent on self destruction, and I'm curious.
Teh E36 M3 wrote: There's a Drive By Truckers song- "If you were my brother, man, I'd probably stand by you/but you ain't man, so I guess I'll go my way". Blood runs thicker than water. Choose blood, because you can't choose your blood. I'm not saying by getting her side you're taking her side, but even asking will kill your relationship with your brother. I would tell you to berkeley yourself if you asked my soon to be ex wife her side.
Exactly. Even if your brother is a dick, he's still your brother. Don't ask for her side of the story.
Stay the berkeley out of it. But I have a suspicion you are going to keep dragging this thing out.
RealMiniDriver wrote:Teh E36 M3 wrote: There's a Drive By Truckers song- "If you were my brother, man, I'd probably stand by you/but you ain't man, so I guess I'll go my way". Blood runs thicker than water. Choose blood, because you can't choose your blood.Exactly. Even if your brother is a dick, he's still your brother. Don't ask for her side of the story.
I never understood this sentiment. Why would you tolerate E36 M3 from your family? You didn't get to choose them as companions, so why are you obligated to put up with their crap? Not saying that the OP's brother is the problem, just commenting on the idea that family deserves to be supported just because they're family.
On the OT, I stand with the majority. Let it go - you may find out something you don't want to know about your brother, and as she follows her arc, it will become obvious what's going on with her.
I'm going to need pics of the woman before I decide if it's worth asking.
I was waiting for that!
I have no intention of dragging it out. I'm curious as hell, but its not my problem. There are some mitigating factors however.
He literally met her because of me. I've known her for a really long time. It was a friend of a friemd scenario at first, as we all went to school together. I started working at the same place she did, and we became friends. Her and my brother met because I blew up my DSM and needed a ride to the bar. There was a group at the bar that she was a part of that I wanted to go drink with, he had a running car and we lived together. I am still friends with most of the people in this scenario, so the likelihood I run into her outside of his marriage is still high. Hence the reason I ask. Hell, the chance he runs into her by proxy is still pretty high.... Prior lake is a small town and everyone is in everyone's koolaid there. Hell his marriage meant he was suddenly related to something like 4 of our old high school teachers, and countless students.
In reply to spitfirebill:
Page two! I actually had to read the whole thread to make sure I wasn't crazy. This place is slipping.
So, who here is in for the groupbuy for mndsm and his "little miss nosey" t-shirt.
I'm actually pissed about this thread, and I don't even know the OP. The fact is, if you can't tell your brother that you've contacted her without him being upset, you have your answer.
If you still go ahead... Well, insert not nice things about your character here. I honestly could not imagine a sibling or family member doing this to me.
My ex contacted my buddy a couple of weeks ago asking questions about me; he played it vague and shut the conversation down, a true friend!
Even though there was lots of E36 M3 he could have told her (bought a place, sold a truck, getting my business up and running, working tons of OT for mad skrilla) he didn't say a peep. Now that is a friend!
keep on steppin
mndsm wrote: Prior lake is a small town and everyone is in everyone's koolaid there.
Goes back to what I said earlier - chances are you'll find out more about the situation eventually, without having to ask any questions or (potentially) ruffle any feathers.
HiTempguy wrote: So, who here is in for the groupbuy for mndsm and his "little miss nosey" t-shirt. I'm actually pissed about this thread, and I don't even know the OP. The fact is, if you can't tell your brother that you've contacted her without him being upset, you have your answer. If you still go ahead... Well, insert not nice things about your character here. I honestly could not imagine a sibling or family member doing this to me. My ex contacted my buddy a couple of weeks ago asking questions about me; he played it vague and shut the conversation down, a true friend! Even though there was lots of E36 M3 he could have told her (bought a place, sold a truck, getting my business up and running, working tons of OT for mad skrilla) he didn't say a peep. Now that is a friend!
Fair enough. I didn't expect it.to be to everyone's liking, was just curious as to other opinions.
Also, what size shirt goes on you?
mndsm wrote: Fair enough. I didn't expect it.to be to everyone's liking, was just curious as to other opinions.
I'm not trying to judge (it may seem like I jumped on you), just explaining how I would feel and empathize with your brother. It just seems like a "not cool bro" move. If you mentioned it to your brother and he didn't care, then go right ahead!
another failed marriage all because of crankwalk.
HiTempguy wrote:mndsm wrote: Fair enough. I didn't expect it.to be to everyone's liking, was just curious as to other opinions.I'm not trying to judge (it may seem like I jumped on you), just explaining how I would feel and empathize with your brother. It just seems like a "not cool bro" move. If you mentioned it to your brother and he didn't care, then go right ahead!
I ain't even mad. I'm standing in front of waaaay too much beer to be mad.
There is no obligation to choose sides in a divorce. Seriously. If she is your friend, be her friend. If he is your friend (and brother), be a friend (and brother).
Being a friend DOESN'T mean condoning behaviors. Or "hearing both sides", or "reporting to the other". Be clear about your limits, and be kind to both. Divorce isn't easy for anyone, there is no need to make it harder by dropping out of someone's life if you played a valuable role in it, or any other action.
^ The voice of reason ^
In reply to HiTempguy:
Maybe you missed the part about her being his friend too? And there's a difference between gossip and simply asking what happened.
So you basically would like some closure on the friendship you've just lost. It sucks, but you probably aren't going to get that satisfaction if you look for it right now. However, like others have said, a measure of it will come in time.
What Zoo said.
Put some time and distance into this. Having gone through a few divorce encounters with friends and family, I learned the hard way to keep my mouth shut and let time tell me where the chips are going to fall. The worst break-up often results in the most cordial post divorce relationships; go figure. Let your brother's long term behavior be a clue to your relationship with his ex.
I knew there was a reason I posted this here. I got some sound advice, the prerequisite smartass comment from GPS, and it all helped me come to a decision.
I like to poke the bear. I'm the kid that would intentionally push the red button, especially if you told me not to. However, it seems that upon review, I'm best off letting this one mellow. Not because of my brother, actually.... but the more I think about it, the more I think about how nuts my mom would get if she found out I talked to her. My mom considers my brother the golden child, therefore right or wrong his ex is the bitch that ruined his life. Even IM not stupid enough to try and saddle that bronco.
Ian F wrote: In reply to HiTempguy: Maybe you missed the part about her being his friend too? And there's a difference between gossip and simply asking what happened.
So, just so we are clear; you're cool having friends that cheat on other people?
I'm not. I expect better behavior from the people I associate with. I actually had to distance myself from a close-ish friend due to this exact reason. I was friends with both parties, and he was acting like a piece of E36 M3. On top of that, she was one of the nicest people you've ever met and he treated her like crap.
So yea.
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