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  • MrJoshua

    Nov. 27, 2009 9:28 p.m. MrJoshua UltraDork

    The ESPN ticker says:

    Tiger backed out of his driveway and accidentally hit a fire hydrant and a tree. His wife heard the accident and used a golf club to smash the rear window to extract him from the vehicle. He was found laying in the street with cuts on his lips and blood in his mouth, drifting in and out of consciousness. Police don't believe alcohol was involved.

    Uh huh, sounds like the wife caught him doing something wrong, cracked him with a golf club, and chased him down the driveway smashing the rear window and leaving him drifting in and out of consciousness on the street after he crashed while trying to escape.

    Or at least it is more amusing my way.

  • Josh

    Nov. 27, 2009 9:32 p.m. Josh Dork

    I was just talking with my dad about this and said almost the exact same thing. There was a story going around recently about Tiger cheating on the Mrs. and I would not be terribly surprised if these events turned out to be related .

  • JG Pasterjak

    Nov. 27, 2009 9:57 p.m. JG Pasterjak Production/Art Director

    When I first heard about this (on CNN today, who at one point reported him dead) my mind immediately put together 2am Thanksgiving night + rich guy in car + single car incident + 100 feet from his own driveway = drinky drinky.

    But Tiger does seem like the kind of guy who might take his fitness a little seriously, and doesn't seem like the glug glug, vroom vroom, crash crash type. I could totally believe that Mrs. Tiger found out that his ballwasher wasn't that thing on the golf course just outside the clubhouse, though. And I can totally see her going all viking princess on him.

    jg

  • Mental

    Nov. 27, 2009 10:34 p.m. Mental UberDork

    My wife theorized the same thing not 10 seconds before I clicked on this thread.

  • JeepinMatt

    Nov. 27, 2009 10:54 p.m. JeepinMatt Reader

    The Escalade's got four doors; five if you count the rear lifegate. So smashing through a fire hydrant, at less than 33 MPH, jammed all five of those doors shut? And the only window to smash and pull him through was the one farthest away from him?

    And am I reading it weird, but if he was found lying on the street, why the hell did they have to extract him from the vehicle? You don't extract people from things they are no longer in.

  • Lesley

    Nov. 27, 2009 11:06 p.m. Lesley SuperDork

    He was puttin' where he shouldn't....

  • Mental

    Nov. 27, 2009 11:12 p.m. Mental UberDork

    JeepinMatt wrote:

    The Escalade's got four doors; five if you count the rear lifegate. So smashing through a fire hydrant, at less than 33 MPH, jammed all five of those doors shut? And the only window to smash and pull him through was the one farthest away from him?

    And am I reading it weird, but if he was found lying on the street, why the hell did they have to extract him from the vehicle? You don't extract people from things they are no longer in.

    Jam's doors without deploying airbags apparently

  • EPN

    Nov. 27, 2009 11:35 p.m. EPN New Reader

    didn't he crash into the firehydrant and then the tree? i thought there was a tree involved.

  • JeepinMatt

    Nov. 27, 2009 11:44 p.m. JeepinMatt Reader

    EPN wrote:

    didn't he crash into the firehydrant and then the tree? i thought there was a tree involved.

    Oh yeah. But even with the tree, I still don't see that making it less fishy. Supposing he hit a weird-shaped tree and jammed all the doors, why pull him through the farthest window? And having to extract him from a vehicle, after finding him outside the vehicle (?) Unless they mean the paramedics found him on the street, after his wife pulled him from the vehicle. Ah I don't know. Sounds weird is all.

  • mtn

    Nov. 28, 2009 1:22 a.m. mtn SuperDork

    Alls I knows is, it looks like I finally outdrove tiger.

  • Wally

    Nov. 28, 2009 1:50 a.m. Wally UberDork

    mtn wrote:

    Alls I knows is, it looks like I finally outdrove tiger.

    Well played sir.

  • bludroptop

    Nov. 28, 2009 3:19 a.m. bludroptop Dork

    JG Pasterjak wrote:

    And I can totally see her going all viking princess on him.

    Now THAT, I would "pay per view"!

  • TJ

    Nov. 28, 2009 7:50 a.m. TJ Dork

    Wally wrote:

    mtn wrote:

    Alls I knows is, it looks like I finally outdrove tiger.

    Well played sir.

    +1

    Now we all just have to wait until the OnStar transcript is released.....

    OS: This is OnStar how can we help you?

    TW: It's my wife she is after me with a golf club!

    OS: We show your location as being in your driveway, is that correct?

    TW: Yes - help! Do Something! Get me out of here!

    OS: Sit tight sir, we will back your vehicle out of your driveway via sattelite control.

    TW: Ouch!

    OS: 911 this is OnStar, we have sensed an accident, no airbags deployed at....

  • bigwrench

    Nov. 28, 2009 7:55 a.m. bigwrench Reader

    He did just come back from the Fart East didn't he????????

  • Grtechguy

    Nov. 28, 2009 7:59 a.m. Grtechguy UltraDork

    http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/abraham/detail??blogid=95&entry_id=52492

  • ignorant

    Nov. 28, 2009 8:29 a.m. ignorant PowerDork

    Dear Tiger..

    Stop dipping your tail into forbidden places...

    Sincerely..

    The management.

  • Jensenman

    Nov. 28, 2009 8:34 a.m. Jensenman MegaDork

    Yep, my first thought was 'BUSTED!' Both for steppin' out and upside the head.

  • Woody

    Nov. 28, 2009 8:48 a.m. Woody SuperDork

    If he's going to cheat on his wife, he should at least try to find Kim Hiott (check for photos on less respectable forums than this one).

  • JFX001

    Nov. 28, 2009 9:06 a.m. JFX001 Dork

    Dude just wanted some Skittles.

  • NYG95GA

    Nov. 28, 2009 9:45 a.m. NYG95GA SuperDork

    Tiger doesn't drive a Buick? For what they pay him, they coulda re-badged an Escalade just for him.

    What brand and size was the club, and how much do you think it'll fetch on eBay once it gets out of the evidence room? For that matter, how about the broken fire hydrant?

  • Woody

    Nov. 28, 2009 3:55 p.m. Woody SuperDork

    I'd be willing to bet that it was Phil Mickelson dressed as Tiger's wife.

  • JG Pasterjak

    Nov. 28, 2009 4:42 p.m. JG Pasterjak Production/Art Director

    Apparently he wasn't swerving to avoid a squirrel.

    jg

  • iceracer

    Nov. 28, 2009 5:10 p.m. iceracer HalfDork

    Did they say it was 2:45 AM ?

  • mel_horn

    Nov. 28, 2009 5:45 p.m. mel_horn Dork

    Might it be possible that he expressed an intention to PIITB?

  • bludroptop

    Nov. 28, 2009 6:02 p.m. bludroptop Dork

    NYG95GA wrote:

    Tiger doesn't drive a Buick?

    Buick (GM) fired him earlier this year - well, fired may be strong but discontinued his endorsement contract, citing budget cutbacks and the gov't bailout.

    Linky

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