its my personal philosophy for all human misery.
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July 21, 2010 2:29 p.m. madmallard New Reader
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July 21, 2010 2:40 p.m. TJ SuperDork
mndsm wrote:
- My wife is horrible at articulating her needs. I love her to death (and she puts up with me being a wheel whore, among other things) but she cannot tell me what she needs half the time. I of course, have developed a counter attack for it..... but it's still a pain.
Don't be fooled. She is articulating exactly what she wants/needs from you. The problem is that she is doing it in a way that is perfectly clear to her, but so obtuse for us that you don't even realize she is communicating, much less what she is saying.
I think it a Mars/Venus thing. As much as I try I cannot break the code either.
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July 21, 2010 2:44 p.m. mndsm HalfDork
I think her need is to confuse the hell out of me so I get as upset as she is at the time.
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July 21, 2010 5:36 p.m. HiTempguy HalfDork
mndsm wrote:
I of course, have developed a counter attack for it..... but it's still a pain.
PIITB, obviously. Congrats, if only it was that simple for the rest of us!
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July 21, 2010 5:51 p.m. Ojala New Reader
In the course of my (largely worthless) studies I have read several books by Deborah Tannen such as You Just Dont Understand. Her thoughts on communication were pretty good.
I talk people into acting against their own self interest every day at work. Part of that is that I have to be able to hear and digest minute changes or differences in language and gesture. Despite that I can honestly say that her books helped me to understand my wife better and why she says and does things that (to me) are crazy but to her make perfect sense.
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July 21, 2010 6:45 p.m. miwifri New Reader
"Why are people so stupid?" What a stupid question.
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July 21, 2010 7:44 p.m. Jensenman SuperDork
Bobzilla wrote:
I'm racist. I hate the human race. Dogs are good, Cats I can handle. People? Shoot them all.
Misanthropic much?
After 25 years of seeng every sleazy dodge known to humanity sometimes I am, too.
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July 21, 2010 7:46 p.m. Jensenman SuperDork
madmallard wrote:
i think because people in general don't/can't simply state honestly what they want.
I think it's more that people won't honestly state what they want because they are afraid others will find it funny, silly or ???
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July 21, 2010 10:57 p.m. friedgreencorrado SuperDork
Jensenman wrote:
madmallard wrote:
i think because people in general don't/can't simply state honestly what they want.
I think it's more that people won't honestly state what they want because they are afraid others will find it funny, silly or ???
Or basically...just because they're afraid no one else but them wants it that way (especially when involving relationships). Which kinda brings us back to the original post...
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July 21, 2010 11:09 p.m. neon4891 SuperDork
Love, a temporary mental illness, under which no (important or permanent) descisions should be made- Joe Cambridge
Turboswede, I know what you mean. My Fiance will come to me crying over something(often family issues) and my response is "this is the problem, here is the solution. Now do it." Then she ignores what I have to say and goes back to the status quo.
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July 21, 2010 11:22 p.m. Strizzo SuperDork
turboswede wrote:
Yep, advice is only worth the value the other person puts on it.
My problem with my S.O. is that I'm a problem solver, so instead of just listening and letting her vent about something, I immediately want to solve the problem. Try just letting them vent, bitch, piss, moan, complain, etc and then ask if want to know what you'd do differently or if there is anything you can do to help. If they are interested, then you can proceed to provide advice, otherwise giver her a hug and just go about your business.
i've done this as well in the past, but at some point i had to say, "ok, you get on the phone or come over and bitch about your sister or your mom or your dad because they're doing this or that, and that really bothers you, but have you said anything to him/her to let them know they're pissing you off? no? do you think there's a chance that they don't even know that whatever it is they're doing is bothering you? hmmm, interesting, think you might should let them know that? "
so, yes, sometimes what is needed is just someone to listen and say "that bitch!" but sometimes they need a little nudge to go do something about their situation.
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July 22, 2010 7:30 a.m. 914Driver SuperDork
96DXCivic said:
Why Are People So Stupid?
'Cause God doesn't have Cable.
