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DoctorBlade
DoctorBlade Dork
12/16/11 10:06 a.m.

If they ask your opinion, I'd say give it to them; otherwise there isn't an easy way out. Any way it works, someone will end up hurt. Stick to the truth and let the chips fall where they may.

Edit: What SVRex said.

JThw8
JThw8 SuperDork
12/16/11 10:08 a.m.

I couldn't have said it any better than SVReX. Tread lightly but if they really want your advice either they work on what they have or they have the decency to end it before moving on.

Zomby woof
Zomby woof SuperDork
12/16/11 10:12 a.m.
I have listened but haven't judged the situation

It sure sounds to me like you have.

Mind your own business.

spitfirebill
spitfirebill SuperDork
12/16/11 10:13 a.m.
Otto Maddox wrote: In reply to spitfirebill: I purposely didn't identify which spouse.

Yes I could tell.

DILYSI Dave
DILYSI Dave SuperDork
12/16/11 10:20 a.m.

SVRex nails it.

Otto Maddox
Otto Maddox Dork
12/16/11 10:29 a.m.

Great responses from everybody.

Otto Maddox
Otto Maddox Dork
12/16/11 10:31 a.m.
NotMe wrote: Don't let the login name and post count fool you. I'm a long time member of this community and I am here under a different account to protect the innocent. Why? Because for all intents and purposes you could be describing my life to a T. With one exception. I'm not looking to have an affair. But I can certainly understand the temptation of the situation. I'm in my 40s, in a "comfortable" relationship with a woman I love but due to issues beyond my control there is no passion and there have not been "relations" in a few years. I try to remain active and some might say I act younger than my age (some might just say I'm childish) while some days it seems my wife can't wait to be sitting on that rocking chair on a porch somewhere reminiscing about the good old days. I have made the decision that I made a commitment and I will do everything I can to stick with it and work through it. We have been in counseling for over a year and I will continue to make every effort I can, with the understanding that I cannot control everything. Have they talked, honestly and openly talked about their situation? It's some of the most difficult and painful discussion to have but its where they need to start. At the end of it all though your friend needs to decide if they want to maintain their relationship for whatever good they do have in it, forgoing the "missing pieces" or are they ready to move on. I always promised my wife that I'd at least have enough respect for her to divorce her before I'd cheat on her. We're going to keep at it, life rarely turns out to be what you expect, but you find the good times and the happy times where you can and just keep holding on for those.

And I really appreciate this one. It is hard to talk about it when you personally in the middle of it yourself.

Ultimately what I want is keep my friendship with both spouses. I fear that I will soon become a secret keeper. I am a terrible liar, pretty much because I hate lying.

spitfirebill
spitfirebill SuperDork
12/16/11 10:35 a.m.
NotMe wrote: Don't let the login name and post count fool you. I'm a long time member of this community and I am here under a different account to protect the innocent. Why? Because for all intents and purposes you could be describing my life to a T. With one exception. I'm not looking to have an affair. But I can certainly understand the temptation of the situation. I'm in my 40s, in a "comfortable" relationship with a woman I love but due to issues beyond my control there is no passion and there have not been "relations" in a few years. I try to remain active and some might say I act younger than my age (some might just say I'm childish) while some days it seems my wife can't wait to be sitting on that rocking chair on a porch somewhere reminiscing about the good old days. I have made the decision that I made a commitment and I will do everything I can to stick with it and work through it. We have been in counseling for over a year and I will continue to make every effort I can, with the understanding that I cannot control everything. Have they talked, honestly and openly talked about their situation? It's some of the most difficult and painful discussion to have but its where they need to start. At the end of it all though your friend needs to decide if they want to maintain their relationship for whatever good they do have in it, forgoing the "missing pieces" or are they ready to move on. I always promised my wife that I'd at least have enough respect for her to divorce her before I'd cheat on her. We're going to keep at it, life rarely turns out to be what you expect, but you find the good times and the happy times where you can and just keep holding on for those.

Gee I (I mean others) could have written this except for a minor point.

NotMe
NotMe New Reader
12/16/11 10:37 a.m.
Otto Maddox wrote: And I really appreciate this one. It is hard to talk about it when you personally in the middle of it yourself. Ultimately what I want is keep my friendship with both spouses. I fear that I will soon become a secret keeper. I am a terrible liar, pretty much because I hate lying.

If you are friends with both and heck even if you aren't don't take sides and don't get in the middle. If ReXs assumption is correct and this is the wife you are talking to it is definitely a sticky mess. I have, for the most part, had to forgo almost any friendships I have had with those of the opposite sex because yes it can become a temptation and even when it's not it can certainly appear inappropriate to my spouse who worries that I must want to cheat given our situation.

I have some light friendships with women who are my wife's friends because that is considered to be "safe" but I still wouldn't allow myself to be alone with them for any period of time.

The best advice you can give is for them to work on it and work on it and work on it some more. If there's nothing left to work on then they need to be true to themselves and move on, not "supplement" what they have.

93EXCivic
93EXCivic SuperDork
12/16/11 10:45 a.m.

If you are really friends with both of them and want to remain friends with both of them, then I would try to stay out of it. I went thru a situation where two of my close friends where dating and I ended up giving advice to both of them. They broke up and I was stuck in the middle of an awkward nasty situation. Also you don't know how one person will react to the situation. I really thought the guy in my situation would never have acted the way he did. That was over a year ago and things haven't really improved and although I still talk to the guy we really aren't close friends anymore. It has really effected my relationship with a number of my other friends as well. And this a marriage you are talking about so it is much bigger deal then just dating.

BoostedBrandon
BoostedBrandon HalfDork
12/16/11 11:27 a.m.

I'm just curious what health problems can result from laziness. I need to know to save myself.

mtn
mtn SuperDork
12/16/11 11:38 a.m.
BoostedBrandon wrote: I'm just curious what health problems can result from laziness. I need to know to save myself.

Obesity

oldtin
oldtin Dork
12/16/11 11:48 a.m.
mtn wrote:
BoostedBrandon wrote: I'm just curious what health problems can result from laziness. I need to know to save myself.

Obesity

An inactive lifestyle leaves you with a greater risk for high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, anxiety, depression, some types of cancer. It will cost you more in medical expenses and cost the rest of us more in higher healthcare costs and health insurance premiums.

edit: /hijack

Awkward situation for you no matter how you slice it - that puts your friendship with at least one of them at risk. I know people step in offering their advice and opinions every day, but seems to me this is a family issue, not a friend of the family issue. If they are unsure about their decisions and ramifications, then they may need an objective professional to help them sort it out. Just me, but I would be very clear that I don't accept the role secret-keeper. Maybe it's counseling time - or perhaps that ship already sailed.

rotard
rotard Reader
12/16/11 12:09 p.m.

Yeah, if someone isn't putting out, there's a problem. If they've discussed the situation, the partner that isn't wanting a physical relationship should be understanding. No sex for years? I don't think I'd stay married long enough for that to happen.

Lesley
Lesley SuperDork
12/16/11 1:14 p.m.

Hmmm... I know another challenge member on this board who could've written that letter. Don't get involved. I did – big mistake.

EastCoastMojo
EastCoastMojo SuperDork
12/16/11 1:18 p.m.

RUN AWAY!!!

Giant Purple Snorklewacker
Giant Purple Snorklewacker SuperDork
12/16/11 1:21 p.m.
EastCoastMojo wrote: RUN AWAY!!!

Go change your armor.

Tom Heath
Tom Heath Web Manager
12/16/11 1:23 p.m.
Otto Maddox wrote: Everybody is saying not to get involved. Right now, I just keep saying - I understand your feelings, make sure you think through the long term effects, etc. That kind of stuff. I haven't agreed or disagreed. I am sure as hell not going to bless infidelity but I am not going to tell them to stick it out in a passionless marriage either.

I want my friends to be happy. Whether they're married or not isn't my problem to solve.

I'd encourage anyone to honor their marriage, but if they aren't getting what they need/want from the relationship, then maybe marriage isn't the answer for them. Maybe fixing that before finding a new bed exercise partner is a better plan. There's nothing sadder than seeing someone who is unhappy, yet still married because they're scared to change.

Marriage works for my wife and I, but that only affects the four of us. (Kids, ya know.)

pete240z
pete240z SuperDork
12/16/11 1:27 p.m.
DirtyBird222 wrote: saw his girlfriend at a downtown Orlando club with her tongue down someone's throat Snapped a pic.............

yeah, we're going to need to see this picture.....

pete240z
pete240z SuperDork
12/16/11 1:28 p.m.
Datsun1500 wrote: You would be surprised how many Women complain that they do not get it enough.

yeah, we're going to need some phone numbers to verify this.....

pete240z
pete240z SuperDork
12/16/11 1:29 p.m.

The above 2 posts are supposed to make you laugh; I do not mean to offend anyone today.

All quotes should be read with his voice.......................

Lesley
Lesley SuperDork
12/16/11 1:42 p.m.
Tom Heath wrote:

I want my friends to be happy. Whether they're married or not isn't my problem to solve.

I'd encourage anyone to honor their marriage, but if they aren't getting what they need/want from the relationship, then maybe marriage isn't the answer for them. Maybe fixing that before finding a new bed exercise partner is a better plan. There's nothing sadder than seeing someone who is unhappy, yet still married because they're scared to change.

Marriage works for my wife and I, but that only affects the four of us. (Kids, ya know.)

Bingo. And there's nothing worse than a guy who wants to be part-time single – it's disrespectful to his partner, his wife, and the one he's lying to in order to get some.

Greg Voth
Greg Voth HalfDork
12/16/11 1:46 p.m.
Tom Heath wrote: I want my friends to be happy. Whether they're married or not isn't my problem to solve. I'd encourage anyone to honor their marriage, but if they aren't getting what they need/want from the relationship, then maybe marriage isn't the answer for them. Maybe fixing that before finding a new bed exercise partner is a better plan. There's nothing sadder than seeing someone who is unhappy, yet still married because they're scared to change. Marriage works for my wife and I, but that only affects the four of us. (Kids, ya know.)

Oh I thought you were talking about you guys, me and Monique.

Tom Heath
Tom Heath Web Manager
12/16/11 1:58 p.m.
Greg Voth wrote:
Tom Heath wrote: Marriage works for my wife and I, but that only affects the four of us. (Kids, ya know.)

Oh I thought you were talking about you guys, me and Monique.

Neighbors don't count. We're supposed to share.

DILYSI Dave
DILYSI Dave SuperDork
12/16/11 2:37 p.m.
Tom Heath wrote:
Greg Voth wrote:
Tom Heath wrote: Marriage works for my wife and I, but that only affects the four of us. (Kids, ya know.)

Oh I thought you were talking about you guys, me and Monique.

Neighbors don't count. We're supposed to share.

I now know WAY too much about you guys.

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