2014 Audi RS 7 quattro Tiptronic new car reviews

Care to drop 100K-plus on luxury you can drive? The 2014 Audi RS 7 would be a good option. Claimed to be the "most powerful RS model ever offered in the U.S.," which is not hard to believe considering its 560 horsepower and zero-to-60 time of 3.7 seconds. One thing’s for certain: Your tuchus will certainly be comfy with 12-way adjustable front seats, not to mention three-stage cooling and heating. But beauty isn’t only engine- and leather-deep—it’s also easy on the eyes with its sleek design and lines.

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Other staff views

Alan Cesar FartSmeller69
SuperDork

It's big, it's fast as hell, and it's incredibly quiet. Our test car did exhibit a hum from the brakes though, maybe because they're scalloped rotors, maybe because they're cross-drilled, or maybe because they're broken. The center console has pinstriping, which is a bit ostentatious, but then, it's not like the rest of this $122,000 car is subtle.

I wouldn't want to touch anything under the hood, mostly because it's not possible. Everything's crammed so tightly in there. Interestingly, the engine is a "hot V" design, so the exhaust comes into the center. In Sport mode, the mufflers open up some and give a satisfying bark when you lift off the throttle, but otherwise the engine note is distant. Which is probably good, but it's not exciting.

I have a hard time understanding any vehicle that costs that much money. I start wondering about things like, "What would it cost to buy and operate [insert any good $50,000 car here) for its entire lifespan? Does it compare to the mere purchase price of this?" Ultimately, I think that instead of buying any one six-figure car that can do everything well (except fuel mileage and subtlety), I always end up in support of buying two or three special-purpose cars.

Tim Suddard Tim Suddard
Publisher

This is still just not my kind of car. Sure it is big, comfortable and fast, but I still like smaller cars and would never spend $125,000 for something that will be worth half that in two years. That is just not me. I like small, nimble, cheap cars. Hey, I should start a magazine about that.

Joe Severns Joe Severns
New Reader

The BMW M cars have a button on the controls that is emblazoned with the brand's famous blue and red "M". Depressing the M button sharpens the car's dynamic personality. It makes the car shift faster, corner more surely and drive faster in a variety of situations.

The Audi RS7 has a similar system. However, the real star of the RS7 is the loud pedal. Give the RS7 the beans and 560 bhp come out to play and the world knows about it. Our car was fitted with the optional sport exhaust, which is connected directly to the earlobes of every cop, trooper and old lady within three counties. The car is so loud that a downshift 300 feet away from my home's driveway, the double throttle blip of the sweet 8 speed ZF gearbox shifting from third to second gear frightened all living creatures in my house (did I mention I was 300 feet away from the house at that time?). This car is the 300 pound pro footballer who can run a 4.0 40 and pulverize granite with his bare hands. It is astonishingly quick. It is so big, its size belies its abilities. The Quattro all-wheel-drive system plus 560 bhp means things happen very quickly and very assuredly. It is easy to be a hero in this car as electronic gagetry is one's co-pilot at all times. It's twin-turbo engine has the power to engage in nearly any task effortlessly and the brakes to stop on a dime when needed. Though heavy, it is not ponderous.

But do we need a giant, luxury-sports-hatchback thingie that can outrun some Ferraris and Porsches?

You bet we do.

Yes, 0-60 comes in well under four seconds. Yes, it weighs a LOT. Yes, it costs as much as the median home price in most of America. However, none of that matters when one takes a seat inside the RS7's cabin. The car feels expensive. It looks expensive (because it is), but nothing seems out of place. Quilted leather seats with massage? Check. Cameras monitoring the front and back of the car? Check. Forward Looking Infrared camera? Check. Interactive displays and controls? Uh huh. Charismatic ogle attractor? You betcha.

Most reactions I received about the car were exclamations. Some even took the Lord's name in vain. There were others, but you get the point.

I was asked to describe the car to my brother over the telephone. The best descriptors I could proffer were that the RS7 was a cross between Ray Lewis and Eric Idle. It is a brute that has the capabilities to seemingly bend space-time, shortening distances with uncommon speed and attacking corners with athletic aplomb. Physics don't matter. You ask the RS7 to do something and it is done. It does it so well that it can make you laugh uncontrollably, like a night spent guffawing at the ludicrous comedy of a Monty Python marathon.

"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

I know I didn't. Sign me up.

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Duke
Duke UltimaDork
4/10/14 1:24 p.m.

I spent a couple miles cruising beside one of these on the interstate, and I will attest, it looks the motherberking BUSINESS tooling along. The one I saw was battleship grey, non-metallic, which I suspect is the best looking color and will sell the least. Most people will opt for the utterly yawn-provoking and predictable black, or maybe metallic grey if they are feeling slightly adventurous that day.

Make mine that cool battleship grey color with a black leather and alcantara interior, CF trim, and a giant set of 20x10 OZs or Sparcos in that obnoxious orange color.

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