A bad day golfing...

So work had a golf outing at one of the premium golf courses this weekend and I decided to do some trenching at that course. I must say that after 18 months without taking a swing I fared pretty well... but I had a few rather odd things happen that I can not explain. As you may know I just had my right ankle rebuilt and I will be going in in 8 more days to have a a problem with the upper bones repaired in the same foot. For the most part I am functional. A couple of things that went awry during the day:

1: My new found strength in my right foot allowed me to rip the sole off my shoes. Both of them... within two holes. I can not blame this on the 4 year old Dunlop shoes I was wearing it had to be my massive strength.

2: I hit a ball so hard it circled the Earth and ended up behind the tee box. Really, I heard the sonic boom and everything, it sounded like the boom came from the mature maple tree off to the right of the tee box but that was just the sound reverberating.

3: Beer cart girls must think I am sexy. They kept driving up and offering me stuff.

4: Only counting the shots you LIKED leads to a much lower score than counting the actual strokes. I will employ this scoring technique from this point forward. I would have score a 7 instead of an 80.

5: There is a place for trash talk and there is a place for keeping your big mouth shut. When the Dealer Principal shows up wearing shorts from the John Daly line and asks you "You boys having fun?" DO NOT REPLY WITH "Well sir, we are enjoying the hell out of your shorts!" and when the boss says "We are thinking of making your uniform out of this pattern" please don't say "That's okay, it's your name on the side of the building."

6: If you are going to hit a ball at the people playing in front of you do not hit a ball that you have signed... and put your cell number on... unless you REALLY mean it.

I think I will stick with bowling, I can use alcohol as a good exscuse if I do poorly.

My problem is that I stand too close to the ball...

after I hit it.

(okay - old joke)

Golf is just about the only activity where drinking and driving (the cart) are not only permitted, but if you run out of beer, they will gladly drive over to sell you more.

And cart girls are trained professionals (at flirting), so I don't take it personally.

bludroptop wrote: And cart girls are trained professionals (at flirting) [with you].

So give them a big tip.

And tip everybody at the golf course. Just do it.

I played nine holes once. Just once. Shot par on the last hole and decided to quit...forever. I won't tell you what I shot on the first eight.

mtn wrote:

bludroptop wrote: And cart girls are trained professionals (at flirting) [with you].

So give them a big tip. And tip everybody at the golf course. Just do it.

Don't worry - everyone gets taken care of (and I play 75-100 rounds a year).

But yes - for the casual golfer: most of the staff works for tips and/or for golf privileges.

bludroptop wrote:

mtn wrote:

bludroptop wrote: And cart girls are trained professionals (at flirting) [with you].

So give them a big tip. And tip everybody at the golf course. Just do it.

Don't worry - everyone gets taken care of (and I play 75-100 rounds a year). But yes - for the casual golfer: most of the staff works for tips and/or for golf privileges.

Yay. We like people like you. I'm a caddy, I had about 94 rounds this year. And only 20 something tips. Which was actually VERY good considering I work at a very strict no tip club.

How in the hell can you not tip a caddy???

I got tips and multiple offers for weed/booze etc. when I did the carts and watered the fairways at night my first couple of years at college....the summer of '87 was very good to me.

Golf "A good way to ruin a nice walk"

Seriously the only way I will play Golf is if they make it a contact sport, if I yell "Fore" this means I just I took out the whole group in front of me with one swing.

I had dreams of going pro... then I realized I would not be able to drink on course and drive the cart. Oh well.

aussiesmg wrote: Golf "A good way to ruin a nice walk" Seriously the only way I will play Golf is if they make it a contact sport, if I yell "Fore" this means I just I took out the whole group in front of me with one swing.

"Golf is a good walk, spoiled"

• Mark Twain

I wonder if I knew that....

ill take a bad day of golfing over a good day at work....

I'd rather be under a car, or a brunette if the chance avails itself

"Pasture Pool" - meh.

golf, something to do during a long walk. (I don't play.)

I have 4 golf bags full of assorted clubs that I've accumulated over the years, but I have never played even one game. I have the packrat gene.

neon4891 wrote: I think I will stick with bowling, I can use lack of beer as a good exscuse if I do poorly.

There I fixed it for you, I call beer strike juice...

I suck at golf. But so do my friends. When I was in high school, I was on the golf team (but I never competed). I stood next to a friend of mine one day, leaning causally on my club waiting for him to tee off. We were in a wooded area and had to fire out onto the open fairway which was 30 yards out.

He finally took a swing--and it was a hard one (that's what she said). The ball took off high and to the left. It hit one tree, bounced into another, and then one more, and then hit the ground and rolled right on back to him. It stopped a foot behind his tee.

Toyman01 wrote: I played nine holes once. Just once. Shot par on the last hole and decided to quit...forever. I won't tell you what I shot on the first eight.

Really, I shoot 72 every time I play...still just once I would like to finish the 18 holes.

The last time that I played, I may have suffered a concussion. I most certainly was knocked out. It involved slipping on some wet wooed steps. Nothing like waking up wondering how your friends got "way up there."

I decided that rugby was more my speed.

Old golf urban legend:

Lee Travino was golfing in a tournament once when a bad thunder and lightning storm rolled in. Lee started running around the fairway with an iron held above his head. When spectators asked him what the hell he was doing Lee said

"don't worry, even God can't hit a 2 Iron!"

In reply to Joe Gearin:

I think it was a 1 iron

John Brown wrote: 5: There is a place for trash talk and there is a place for keeping your big mouth shut. When the Dealer Principal shows up wearing shorts from the John Daly line and asks you "You boys having fun?" DO NOT REPLY WITH "Well sir, we are enjoying the hell out of your shorts!" and when the boss says "We are thinking of making your uniform out of this pattern" please don't say "That's okay, it's your name on the side of the building."

So I guess that means Wayne Williams, or a member of his family, still owns the place?

It was Jeff, his son, but Wayne loved the story.