Automotive Tango or Rage Against Bad Parking Jobs

While getting back to my hotel Wednesday night, I noticed a white Camry that was parked so poorly (~1” over the line in the front and ~3” over the line in the back) as to render the much needed adjacent parking space un-usable…or so I thought.

When I came out in the morning, a lifted Dodge Ram 2500 on tundra tires had backed into the next parking space perfectly interlocking with the Camry like two giant jigsaw puzzle pieces.

Sorry, no picture - didn’t think it was prudent to get involved.

The gap between the Ram and the Camry was no more than an inch and the Ram had its front wheels turned hard over so as to literally wrap around the Camry’s rear bumper.

That Camry wasn’t going anywhere without the Ram’s full cooperation.

Ram person, you’re awesome both in your skill and attitude…please step forward to claim your free beer.

Sounds awesome, but I assume you mean 1' and 3' (feet), not 1" and 3" (inches)?  Because if that happened over a matter of inches in my state, nobody would be able to drive anywhere anymore.

Yeah, I'm asshat enough to do that.

Reactive asshatism is not a crime.

Now a motorcycle needs to go in on the right of the Camaro.

When I was younger, dumber, and "invincible" I frequently doled out a similar brand of vigilante parking lot justice.  Especially in the Summer when I had the doors and top off the Jeep.  I could easily share a space with some asshat that was intentionally taking up two.

there's enough kooks in the world, and i'm old enough to not really want to have to go to the ground with a total stranger, so i just walk away from that E36 M3.  different subject, but similar response, when snoop said "ain't no Bob Costas good enough to get burnt while i'm up in it."

If ya gotta take two spots up to protect your precious mobile, park way out in no mans land!

I've made asshats crawl through the passenger door to get out of a bad parking job. Once while I was in my car. It was awesome.  The joys of owning a beater.

In reply to Appleseed :

Driving a beater won't keep you from getting beaten.

I find these stories as amusing as everyone else, but people who park like shiny happy people tend to act like shiny happy people in other ways.

I take special pride in hanging dead nuts on the white dotted line in lanes ending for road wirk to cockblock the people that come flying up to tye last 3 feet to cut ahead of everyone else. 

Im NOT blocking the lane in any way, shape, or form, but to people texting and being asshats it looks like i am in peripheral vision. Alwas good to make them check themselves before they wrech themselves. 

Im a dick.

Will said:

In reply to Appleseed :

Driving a beater won't keep you from getting beaten.

I find these stories as amusing as everyone else, but people who park like shiny happy people tend to act like shiny happy people in other ways.

If someone wants to fight over such things so be it. 

Will said:

I find these stories as amusing as everyone else, but people who park like shiny happy people tend to act like shiny happy people in other ways.

There's a bunch of them in the parking ramp at my office but I believe in this case they're all just clueless.  It's kind of like they jump out of the car and just let it roll to a stop in some random position.  The funny thing is it's usually tiny cars...there's one Honda Fit in particular that's always parked across the lane lines.

Last night at the convenience store.

Spaces are limited to begin with. I pull in, store front parking spaces are already outta whack, long before I got there. I slot in between two other cars, they're both outta their lines but I take what I gots. Go in and gets my stuff, only a few minutes. Come out and the cars east n west of me are gone. 

Now I'm the guy in the BMW being a two spot parking hog, I get that look from incoming drivers. The parking space universe is now out of order, oh my berkeleying garsh. 

Uh, no. I took what I could, it was berkeleyed up loooong before I came in.

I ain't the bad guy here, I played the spot I was dealt. Not the first, happens all the time.

Thing is you don't know what the berkeley happened before you got there but be judgemental and go ahead and play Parking Lot Cop.

Don't be a dick, let it the berkeley go.

Appleseed said:

I've made asshats crawl through the passenger door to get out of a bad parking job.  The joys of owning a beater.

Valve core removal tool is the great equalizer, beaters included.

In reply to fasted58 :

Happened to me when I got to work yesterday. Everyone I work with I guess decided to just swing it in wherever it landed. I neatly park between 2 cars. By the time they all leave, what's left is a convertible Mustang that looks like it was parked by a drunk with no cars around it.

fasted58 said:

Appleseed said:

I've made asshats crawl through the passenger door to get out of a bad parking job.  The joys of owning a beater.

Valve core removal tool is the great equalizer, beaters included.

You underestimate the tools packed away in said beater. I'd have the tire (s) re-cored and aired up in less than 5 min. This ablity invites my brashness.  

fasted58 said:

1.  Thing is you don't know what the berkeley happened before you got there but be judgemental and go ahead and play Parking Lot Cop.

2.  Don't be a dick, let it the berkeley go.

1.  I appreciate your point in a general sense but in this case, there was a planter on the other side of the Camry so unless shrubs have acquired mobility, the driver wasn’t coping with an obstruction.

No, no, I’m afraid it’s clear we’re dealing with someone who can’t localize their vehicle while traveling at a couple of miles per hour and yet is licensed to operate it at 30+ times that speed.

2.  I agree to a point in that aggression breads aggression but life in a consequence free world would be very short and very unpleasant.

In reply to fasted58 :

Remove valve cap and put small pebble under cap and replace

I have done lesser forms of that by squishing my rather narrow B2000 in “compromised” parking spaces, making sure to favor the offending side of the spot.  The truck is nice but has an original paint job that has “seen some things”.  I don’t mind doing that with the Corvair which has an “urban camouflage” paint job sometimes, but it’s a fair amount wider.

(I think I may be “over quoting”)

I swear parking spots are becoming smaller while cars get larger (again). What happened to the downsizing of the late 70's and 80?  I try to park out where there is lots of empty space, neatly within a spot. Why does someone have to jam in next to me when there are 3 empty spots on either side? I've been gone 10 minutes, I don't think that many cars cycled in and out.

Gearheadotaku said:

I swear parking spots are becoming smaller while cars get larger (again). What happened to the downsizing of the late 70's and 80?  I try to park out where there is lots of empty space, neatly within a spot. Why does someone have to jam in next to me when there are 3 empty spots on either side? I've been gone 10 minutes, I don't think that many cars cycled in and out.

herd mentality and safety in numbers? My fiat is one of the narrowest cars on the road today, I still get people at work parking in my cars "personal space" because they are too clueless to park within the lines neatly

I played this game with my sorta (definitely) beater '90 Bronco. Just pulled the mirrors in and squeezed right next to double-parkers. I was changing for work in the back of the Bronco when the very unhappy fellow I parked next to came out. Luckily it was dark out, so I just stayed still in the car as he yelled and slammed his door into mine as hard as he could a few times and then drove off. I got out and checked for damage only to find he only knocked off some mud. No dents to be seen. I don't know if his door fared as well...