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Lesley
Lesley SuperDork
10/28/10 9:54 p.m.

Dear Porsche

After spending some time with your 911 Turbo S on track, and far exceeding what would normally pass for my own personal pucker factor, I've come to the conclusion that I'll never have sex again. It will never measure up. Thank you (I think)

Salanis
Salanis SuperDork
10/28/10 10:10 p.m.

You know, I'm not sure, but I think you probably made a bunch of guys here really unhappy. Or maybe you didn't, it's hard to tell with this crowd.

cxhb
cxhb HalfDork
10/28/10 10:27 p.m.

Either way I'd hang out with her haha

Platinum90
Platinum90 SuperDork
10/28/10 10:29 p.m.

I hate Porsche...though tracking a Turbo S would probably change that.

cxhb
cxhb HalfDork
10/28/10 10:30 p.m.
Platinum90 wrote: I hate Porsche...though tracking a Turbo S would probably change that.

What?! Who are you? Jeremy Clarkson?

neon4891
neon4891 SuperDork
10/28/10 10:35 p.m.
cxhb wrote:
Platinum90 wrote: I hate Porsche...though tracking a Turbo S would probably change that.
What?! Who are you? Jeremy Clarkson?

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Platinum90
Platinum90 SuperDork
10/28/10 10:39 p.m.

Pretty much. I sell P car parts for a living. The more I learn, the less I am impressed. I still like 930s, and GT1 Strassenversion, and CGTs, and obviously the racing history is awesome, but their bproduction street cars do nothing for me.

nderwater
nderwater HalfDork
10/29/10 8:35 a.m.

Please elaborate - what is it exactly that turns you off? I've only had the chance to flog three watercooled Porsches, but they were all pretty rewarding when driven in anger.

And I always drive angry.

TJ
TJ SuperDork
10/29/10 8:41 a.m.

In reply to neon4891:

.. / ... . . / .-- .... .- - / -.-- --- ..- / -.. .. -.. / - .... . .-. .

Giant Purple Snorklewacker
Giant Purple Snorklewacker SuperDork
10/29/10 8:45 a.m.

You just need to have the sex in the 911 Turbo. Try to time the big finish with the puckering.

Platinum90
Platinum90 SuperDork
10/29/10 9:11 a.m.
  1. The people that drive them.
  2. The parts are rediculous expensive.
  3. The parts that need to be overbuilt, aren't, and the parts that don't need overbuilding are fit for tanks.
  4. They are all ugly...
Otto_Maddox
Otto_Maddox Reader
10/29/10 9:51 a.m.

In reply to Platinum90:

You are a bad man that says bad things.

Ranger50
Ranger50 Reader
10/29/10 10:38 a.m.
Platinum90 wrote: 1. The people that drive them. 2. The parts are rediculous expensive. 3. The parts that need to be overbuilt, aren't, and the parts that don't need overbuilding are fit for tanks. 4. They are all ugly...

That about sums up almost every current production vehicle out there.....

Brian

wearymicrobe
wearymicrobe Reader
10/29/10 10:51 a.m.
Platinum90 wrote: 1. The people that drive them. 2. The parts are rediculous expensive. 3. The parts that need to be overbuilt, aren't, and the parts that don't need overbuilding are fit for tanks. 4. They are all ugly...

I disagree in all respects. Except for the RMS.

EricM
EricM Dork
10/29/10 10:56 a.m.
neon4891 wrote:
cxhb wrote:
Platinum90 wrote: I hate Porsche...though tracking a Turbo S would probably change that.
What?! Who are you? Jeremy Clarkson?
-. --- -... ..- - .. .- -- - .... . ... - .. --.

um, no, you are not the stig.

EricM
EricM Dork
10/29/10 11:00 a.m.

I have drive a couple of 914s. I have driven a 2001 Cararar 4 at an autocross (not mine, borrowed).

I would own one, if I could afford it. I understand all the shortcomings, I would still totally rock one and I would probably be "that guy" while driving one earning the ire of all who see me.

oldsaw
oldsaw SuperDork
10/29/10 11:06 a.m.

Dear Lesley,

Thank you for your glowing review of the 911 Turbo S. We are proud of its' capabilities in providing a stimulating and rewarding driving experience.

However, it was never intended as a substitute for the ultimate human encounter. That's how we continue to grow our customer base and we sincerely hope you re-consider your decision.

While we cannot recommend any specific remedy for your dilemma, we do know that the GRM message board is always a great source for potential solutions.

Thank you, and good luck!

Porsche

mistanfo
mistanfo SuperDork
10/29/10 12:13 p.m.

Thanks, now I have a teaspoon or so of iced tea in my sinus'. Not all of it shot out my nose.

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: You just need to have the sex in the 911 Turbo. Try to time the big finish with the puckering.
Platinum90
Platinum90 SuperDork
10/29/10 12:37 p.m.
wearymicrobe wrote:
Platinum90 wrote: 1. The people that drive them. 2. The parts are rediculous expensive. 3. The parts that need to be overbuilt, aren't, and the parts that don't need overbuilding are fit for tanks. 4. They are all ugly...
I disagree in all respects. Except for the RMS.

You disagree that the parts are expensive? What other company sells a single intake valve for $207.70?

How about this, go find me a set of standard main bearings for a 924 Turbo...

How are they not ugly? Have you ever REALLY looked at one? There isn't one single redeeming design characteristic on any of them that isn't a "supercar".

The new 911 Turbos are so user friendly, my grandmother could set a flyer on the Nurburgring without breaking a sweat. That doesn't stir the soul quite like the 930s of old used to. If you didn't know what you were doing in a 80 930, you were dead.

1988RedT2
1988RedT2 HalfDork
10/29/10 1:05 p.m.

I think that EVERY car Porsche ever made is beautiful. 914? Beautiful. 928? Beautiful (even though my wife thinks it's hideous). Any 911? Absolutely gorgeous.

I could even see myself in a Boxster or a Cayman one day, after the kids are out of college and I have enough money to wipe my butt with 100-dollar bills.

fastmiata
fastmiata Reader
10/29/10 1:18 p.m.

This thread reminds me of why I bought the Elise. I had owned a 911 back years ago before I got into club racing and none of the cars that I drove except the Elise were a comparable experience. The car has got to have soul!

wearymicrobe
wearymicrobe Reader
10/29/10 1:32 p.m.
Platinum90 wrote:
wearymicrobe wrote:
Platinum90 wrote: 1. The people that drive them. 2. The parts are rediculous expensive. 3. The parts that need to be overbuilt, aren't, and the parts that don't need overbuilding are fit for tanks. 4. They are all ugly...
I disagree in all respects. Except for the RMS.
You disagree that the parts are expensive? What other company sells a single intake valve for $207.70?

I used to have a Ferrari, trust me there are worse manufacturers out there.

AutoXR
AutoXR Reader
10/29/10 1:40 p.m.

If you're used to civic parts prices - ya a 911 is a shock.

Giant Purple Snorklewacker
Giant Purple Snorklewacker SuperDork
10/29/10 1:46 p.m.
1. The people that drive them.

True. Some of us are complete asshats. I've never been to a Porsche dealer though so you didn't form that opinion thru any fault of mine. Have you ever hung out with the kind of people who drive Corvettes or (god forbid) Mustangs and not wished throat-punching was your superpower?

2. The parts are rediculous expensive.

Some are ridiculous, yeah. Not usually the ones you need to replace though. I used to have a Mitsubishi that needed $325 brake rotors. My 911s are under $100 each. My tie rods are $46. I feel ya on the exhaust valve... but I'm much more unlikely to have to change one than say spark plugs at $65 for all 12 or a DME relay...$18.

3. The parts that need to be overbuilt, aren't, and the parts that don't need overbuilding are fit for tanks.

I guess you mean the newer cars because my car has been pretty solid and so are most of the other track rats' cars that I know. I have a friend who has 80k (not kidding) of track-only miles on a 993 and nothing really breaks. Thats a pretty hard life for any car.

4. They are all ugly...

Seriously? You don't find the 911/912 or 914 sexy? The 997 GT3 RS doesn't make the shorts tighten just a little? YOU LIE.

Bobzilla
Bobzilla Dork
10/29/10 1:48 p.m.
1988RedT2 wrote: I think that EVERY car Porsche ever made is beautiful. 914? Beautiful. 928? Beautiful (even though my wife thinks it's hideous). Any 911? Absolutely gorgeous. I could even see myself in a Boxster or a Cayman one day, after the kids are out of college and I have enough money to wipe my butt with 100-dollar bills.

I'm not one to take the woman's side in an argument being married myself... but your wife is right. It is ugly.

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