I need help!!!

Another thought on the interpreter, it's a holiday so we could only get an ASL one that spoke French, then a second to translate French to English. 

I'm sorry your in-laws are acting this way. It's so disrespectful to their own kid. Telling you and her to speak instead of sign is no different than screaming "SPEAK ENGLISH THIS IS AMERICA" to someone on the street speaking Spanish/Mandarin/French/whatever. Refusing to learn ASL is a great way to invalidate a deaf person's existence.

For anyone interested, look into the controversy around cochlear implants. Being able to hear isn't necessarily better than being deaf. 

Sorry you are going through this. Dealing with family can suck sometimes; a lot of us have been through it. Some thoughts:

-Not sure if you mentioned it yet, but has your wife ever been clinically diagnosed with hearing loss? Not that she should have to (and she shouldn't!), but holding up a clinical diagnosis to her family may make them understand that you guys are not faking it. My wife also has some health issues, and my family can be dumb sometimes when we get together and they forget this. I have to remind them sometimes that she has been diagnosed with health issues for them to back down when they think she is faking something. Yes, it sucks. I had to deal with this just last week, and it was not fun.

-Being family doesn't give someone a free pass to be a jerk. If people refuse to be understanding, you have the power to disassociate with them. I've had to do it with members of my family. It sucks. I've gone into detail with this in my own threads in the past.

-If you are adamant on continuing to see them and they don't change, people's ideas of messing with them might be fun for a while, but will ultimately lead to a fight. If you go that route, prepare for the eventual battle.

Good luck. Again, dealing with family can really suck sometimes.

Imo, there's only one sign they need to know if they're gonna be like this. I'm sure you know which one. 

In reply to Mndsm :

It the one everyone  knows.

In reply to thatsnowinnebago (Forum Supporter) :

Oh, man... let's not even get started on CIs. That way lies misery.

In reply to Tony Sestito :

We have multiple audiogram results beginning at the ripe old age of 4. When she was in high school, her hearing was comparable to that of a 75 year old woman. Her parents are well aware of the fact that she does not hear normally.

Thanksgiving has gone relatively smoothly, thankfully... got to explain to my Nephew what ASL was, and why it was a good thing to know. 
 

Only got a couple of dirty looks. 

It can be hard to shut the door permanently on family members. I've had to do it, and it's painful.

However, it's something I chose, which means I am in control.

The pain has diminished with time, and I don't have to be someone else's target anymore. Life is definitely better.

In reply to Recon1342 :

The fact that you got a dirty look at all is repugnant. 

In reply to Appleseed :

I've decided that rather than let it burn me up, I'm going to be the most cheerful shiny happy person in the world about it- "ASL? That is the language your Aunt Cassandra uses because she can't hear. I bet your mom and dad would love it if you learned it so you could talk with her more often!"

In reply to Recon1342 :

Kill 'em with kindness. It's hard to be mad at the bigger person. 

Wally (Forum Supporter) said:

Another thought on the interpreter, it's a holiday so we could only get an ASL one that spoke French, then a second to translate French to English. 

I need to hang out with you in person one day.  LOL

In reply to Wally (Forum Supporter) :

Last night, my wife went and hung out w/ family while I took care of the kiddos. She was asked why she seemed irritated and withdrawn. 
 

And now the family knows why she feels irritated and is withdrawn...

Whether they act on that knowledge is anybody's guess.

In reply to Mr_Asa :

Most of the time it's boring but if things get weird I can make it worse.

In reply to Recon1342 :

Hopefully this is the first step towards better behavior. 

I have to repeat what most have said on this thread.  Dealing with family can be awful.  I am from a large family that runs the gamut of attitudes, politics and emotions.  I have had to limit contact with some of them.  I have had a few really heated conversations.  I have had to let them know that just because we are family, they don't get to speak or treat me this way.  It was hilarious that they could not understand that simple fact, but actually, eventually they did.  I still limit contact.

It comes down to the:  Your friends are God's way of apologizing for your family.

wae said:

Unpopular opinion time:  I may just have a naive Pollyanna view of the world, but I don't think that shiny happy person behaviour is generally rooted in people actually being shiny happy people.  Most of the time.  My guess is that the dickish things that they're doing is coming from a place of actual and reasonable concern about something.  It may be that they feel like they're disconnected from their daughter or sister, it may be because they feel like learning a new way of speaking isn't something they can do, it may come from a place of feeling some sort of survivor's guilt because they have an ability to hear that she doesn't have.

That doesn't excuse it or make it okay or even make it something that you should tolerate or try to work around.  But whatever you wind up doing, there's probably some room for compassion.  Even if it isn't shown to you.

Came here to say basically this.

Everyone responds to trauma in their own way.  Everyone has different learning curves.  Whereas you are slightly removed from the situation, it sounds like you're dealing with family members who have a different trauma response than you.  It's easy for us to sit back and objectively view a problem. We've all done it.  We see a couple in a dysfunctional relationship, but they're blinded by the desire to not have the trauma of loss.  Telling them will only traumatize them and make them more oblivious.  *you're wrong, he loves me."  Your wife's family is facing an absolutely existential trauma.  The loss of one of your five senses?  The learning curve?  The sadness they would have to face if they admitted it?  We've all done it ourselves... that pain in your joint that you don't tell the doctor about because we're afraid it's arthritis or a systemic injury.

Telling them with a blunt object won't do any more good than telling Sylvia she needs to get away from Gregg because it's a bad relationship.  Forcing them to confront it will only make them more resistant.  If you really find the situation so unpalatable, you can simply tell them calmly that you can no longer hang out with them because of the friction stemming from what you perceive is their inability to recognize the issue.  Don't add by berating them, subtract by removing yourself from the situation.  "Uncle Recon won't hang out with us because he seems to think you're deaf.  What a moron."  Then they'll start seeing it for themselves.  But if you constantly put a trauma in front of their faces, they can't see it.  They will only resist it more.  It's not your job to make them see it, it's your job to take care of you.

It's such a common theme that it's ubiquitous in movie and TV scripts.  

Her:  You want to believe that?  Fine.  I'm out
Him:  Fine, go then.
Him:  *an hour later* Oh E36 M3, she was right.

But putting yourself in the situation will just make you angry and them ignorant.

Recon1342 said:

In reply to Wally (Forum Supporter) :

Last night, my wife went and hung out w/ family while I took care of the kiddos. She was asked why she seemed irritated and withdrawn. 
 

And now the family knows why she feels irritated and is withdrawn...

Whether they act on that knowledge is anybody's guess.

Brilliant.

Floating Doc (Forum Supporter) said:

It can be hard to shut the door permanently on family members. I've had to do it, and it's painful.

However, it's something I chose, which means I am in control.

The pain has diminished with time, and I don't have to be someone else's target anymore. Life is definitely better.

WORD!!!