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docwyte
docwyte PowerDork
4/15/22 10:33 a.m.

So I'm lucky enough to have spent many, many years building my garage/shop.  I've got a decent complement of tools and a 4 post lift.  My good friends don't ask me to use it, I usually offer to let them use it.

However I've got one person, who's an acquaintance, not even a friend, who's repeatedly asked me to use my garage.  It's extremely off putting and honestly bothers me quite a bit.  I wouldn't invite myself over to his house and use his stuff but that's what he's trying to do to me.

I've side stepped his requests in the past but he's recently asked me again.  I need to come up with a polite way of saying no to him, again.

Argh.....

Toyman!
Toyman! GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
4/15/22 10:40 a.m.

There are 3 people in this world that aren't immediate family and have the door code to my shop and permission to use it. 

Other than that, the answer is sorry, I'm in the middle of a project and the shop and tools won't be available any time soon. 

preach (dudeist priest)
preach (dudeist priest) GRM+ Memberand Dork
4/15/22 10:52 a.m.

Ass, Grass, Gas.

I'd tell them that I am wicked picky about my tools etc., so no. Happens to be the truth for me as well.

Teh E36 M3
Teh E36 M3 UltraDork
4/15/22 11:16 a.m.

Not putting the time in to try to become your actual friend. Putting the time in for free use of your shop. 
 

Sorry bud, no. 

Robbie (Forum Supporter)
Robbie (Forum Supporter) GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
4/15/22 11:25 a.m.

The important (but hard) part is to be clear and not leave the door open for more asks later. 

"The lift has a project on it right now" solves the short term problem but he will ask again later.

"I'm not comfortable with you using my shop." Is also saying don't ask me again.

Don't have to use a lot of reasons. It is what it is.

RevRico
RevRico UltimaDork
4/15/22 11:33 a.m.

$50 an hour, plus any of MY consumables you use. Smile for the cameras. Finally, if your junk is in MY way when I need MY shop, it's going to the scrapper no ifs ands or buts.

 

Of course I'm trying to figure out how to ask someone I've met once if I can borrow his engine crane for an hour for some cash or some beer. So maybe I'm not the right person to ask.

My stuff is available to friends, but I treat it as a business relationship. What skills/tools/talents do you have to offer that could entice me to let you use my stuff?

RX Reven'
RX Reven' GRM+ Memberand UltraDork
4/15/22 11:36 a.m.

"you could get killed to death working in my shop...I can't risk the guilt or accept the liability"

SkinnyG (Forum Supporter)
SkinnyG (Forum Supporter) PowerDork
4/15/22 11:42 a.m.

"No, but thank you for asking."

"Why not?"

"Because 'No,' but thank you for asking."

Don't give reasons. They will always try to shoot down reasons. Give no reasons. Just say "no."  But "thank you for asking."  Rinse and repeat.

stuart in mn
stuart in mn MegaDork
4/15/22 11:46 a.m.
SkinnyG (Forum Supporter) said:

"No, but thank you for asking."

"Why not?"

"Because 'No,' but thank you for asking."

Don't give reasons. They will always try to shoot down reasons. Give no reasons. Just say "no."  But "thank you for asking."  Rinse and repeat.

I was going to type the same thing.

Antihero (Forum Supporter)
Antihero (Forum Supporter) GRM+ Memberand PowerDork
4/15/22 11:47 a.m.

Don't be polite, be firm.

Mr_Asa
Mr_Asa GRM+ Memberand PowerDork
4/15/22 11:50 a.m.

"Who are you, again?"

Beer Baron
Beer Baron MegaDork
4/15/22 12:02 p.m.

"Can I use your credit card to pay for drinks with your wife?"

bearmtnmartin (Forum Supporter)
bearmtnmartin (Forum Supporter) GRM+ Memberand UltraDork
4/15/22 12:21 p.m.

You need to just be blunt. You know why they cannot use the shop, so tell them. 

volvoclearinghouse
volvoclearinghouse PowerDork
4/15/22 12:28 p.m.

When I was younger I knew a guy who had a shop.  His business was actually the shop. I didn't have a place to work, so he let me build up an engine at his shop. I was there every night after he closed up, for like a month. Finally I got it all together and he asked me if he could put it in the car for me- and charge me for it, naturally. I was caught kind of surprised and said I wanted to put it in.  Some miscommunications I believe transpired and he ended up giving me 24 hours to remove all my E36 M3 from his shop. I did, and found another place to work. 

I remember at the time being pretty p/o'd with the guy, but 20 years later and wiser I understand his position. 

Is this "acquaintance" younger? Or is he older and ought to know better?  Some people take longer to gain knowledge than others, too. Are there any garage places for rent around you where he could go?  I guess I'm trying to understand if he's a leeching cheap-ass or a young kid who doesn't know any better. 

Beer Baron
Beer Baron MegaDork
4/15/22 12:45 p.m.
docwyte said:

I've side stepped his requests in the past but he's recently asked me again.  I need to come up with a polite way of saying no to him, again.

This may be the real problem here.

Have you actually *told* him 'No'? Or have you just sidestepped the question and expecting him to take the hint?

If you're said 'No' and he keeps asking, that's on him. If you haven't told him 'No', that's on you.

It's not impolite of him to ask you, in the same way it's not impolite of me to ask a neighbor if they can help me carry a couch in, or if I can borrow a tool for an afternoon. They would be doing me a favor, and are 100% free to say 'no'. 

Just. Say. No. Don't be rude, but no need to try to "come up with a polite way" to express something very simple. "No."

This sounds like it may be an issue of Ask Culture vs. Guess Culture.

hunter47
hunter47 Reader
4/15/22 2:12 p.m.

Say no. 
 

I've always offered my friends to use my quickjacks (when I had them) but they never took me up on my offer. Similarly, I've had "acquaintances" ask me to use them, when I've never met them outside of 1-2 events or something similar, and I just tell them no. No need to reason with them, just say "we don't know each other like that". 

Curtis73 (Forum Supporter)
Curtis73 (Forum Supporter) GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
4/15/22 2:51 p.m.

I know how you feel.  I have trouble saying no and making one person feel "less-than" the other friends who get to use it.

But it's better now than when you've finally had enough and need to snap the other way. 

docwyte
docwyte PowerDork
4/15/22 4:44 p.m.

In reply to Curtis73 (Forum Supporter) :

I've allowed very few people (less than a handful, maybe 3?) to use my lift and he wouldn't know that I have.  So it's not an issue with that, it's more that I've said no before to him and the requests keep coming. 

Keith Tanner
Keith Tanner GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
4/15/22 5:03 p.m.

I work on friend's cars occasionally, but I don't give them the run of the shop. First off, that's not as much fun. And secondly, I've got a lot of stuff in there that I don't trust other people near.

As for pickups, almost everyone I know owns a working pickup truck. When we moved, it was a parade of handy people in pickups :)

jgrewe
jgrewe HalfDork
4/15/22 5:25 p.m.

I just tell people my insurance guy freaked out when he heard I let someone use the shop/lift. You can't fight the insurance guy.

Curtis73 (Forum Supporter)
Curtis73 (Forum Supporter) GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
4/15/22 7:40 p.m.
docwyte said:

In reply to Curtis73 (Forum Supporter) :

I've allowed very few people (less than a handful, maybe 3?) to use my lift and he wouldn't know that I have.  So it's not an issue with that, it's more that I've said no before to him and the requests keep coming. 

Gotcha.  I guess just keep saying no more and more emphatically until he gets the hint?

"My answer will always be the same, dude.  Nope."

dculberson
dculberson MegaDork
4/15/22 7:45 p.m.

I have trouble saying no, and always try to say too much. one thing that's helped me is someone told me "no is complete sentence."

If you've directly said no and he keeps asking he's being a jerk. 

Keith Tanner
Keith Tanner GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
4/15/22 7:47 p.m.
jgrewe said:

I just tell people my insurance guy freaked out when he heard I let someone use the shop/lift. You can't fight the insurance guy.

That's how you do it in a business :) It's usually true.

NOHOME
NOHOME MegaDork
4/15/22 9:27 p.m.

I have watched and helped a lot of people learn skills in my shop. And learned a few tricks from those that come by. A few of them have gone on to show the teacher a few tricks and I am proud of that. It is a fun inclusive place to be where mistakes are tolerated (expected?) and if it cost me a few tools and consumables, that is all good.  I am not proud or possessive of my tools because they are Canadian Tire quality can all be replaced pretty cheap.  We have a lot of fun. We get the odd car out the door. many with a build thread here.

That said, very low tolerance for happy shiny people who do not appreciate the place and privilege.

 

Pete

 

 

 

Teh E36 M3
Teh E36 M3 UltraDork
4/15/22 9:34 p.m.

I dig what you are saying Pete- I think maybe the difference is- inviting someone vs them inviting themselves. My shop/garage is my sanctuary. I would love to share it with people I invite. 

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