In reply to mazdeuce - Seth :
It's 45 here now- the warmest it's been this week. Plan to hook the battery on the E46 back up so I can swap the QX4 back into the garage to hopefully get the render repair work done on it so I can finally get the DMC into the garage. Annoyingly it's supposed to be a few degrees colder on Friday which is the day I will actually be able to try and get some of that work done...
In reply to RevRico :
I won't say that I've always felt like I'm a part of the group, I don't really care that I am.
But this was like watching some odd tribe I've never seen before function in their own society. Think when you go to a foreign country times 50. And this is in a place I've lived for 30 years
Datsun310Guy said:
In reply to Antihero (Forum Supporter) :
I thinks it's this past year. Normally I'm doing long term travel plans, looking at summer stuff, and thinking about spring and relaxing but I have no ambition and carry a lot of work anxiety too.
Sometimes I wish I wouldn't get orders as we can't get material and don't have manpower. Making me nuts with anxiety.
It could be, my goals seem a lot more short term at the moment too
Streetwiseguy said:
Duke said:
Antihero (Forum Supporter) said:
Sitting in the doctors office with my dad for a good amount of time watching TV and people watching I realized that people are watching stuff that doesn't interest me, stuff is being advertised that I give no berkeleys about, people are arguing about stuff I don't care about, they talk about topics I couldn't care less about and I wonder if these are my sorts of people.
Is this what it's like getting older? I just turned 38 so I'm not super old by any means. Am I just getting very disillusioned by life? Life hasn't been easy at all this year too, maybe I'm burned out? Weird and surreal moment
Nope, it's not age. 85% of stuff in the world - particularly in the world of entertainment, and even more particularly in the world of TV - isn't worth spending 10 seconds of your attention on.
Television
I was expecting this to be a link to the Fight Club rant about "advertising has us working jobs we hate to buy E36 M3 we don't need". Instead, I got The Boss.
The judge said "What do you got in your defense, son?"
"57 channels and nothin' on"
eastsideTim said:
eastsideTim said:
Sitting in the emergency vet parking lot, waiting to pick up the cat who has a bladder infection, probably due to his recently begun habit of stepping in his poop in the litter box and getting it everywhere when he tries to fling it off his paws.
Stayed up way too late last night to keep an eye on the little guy. He's doing better this morning, between antibiotics, painkillers, and some drug that's supposed to make it easier for him to pee.
I missed this the first time thru, I hope all is well with him now
lrrs
HalfDork
1/13/21 12:54 p.m.
In reply to Appleseed :
wonder that caused a dream like that.
When I tell my dentist I have wicked realistic dreams that my teeth are falling out he says" STOP GRINDING your teeth" When I tell my PCP, he asks "are you stressed at your job ?" I answer yes and he replies "If you find a new job, you wont keep grinding your teeth"
Anyway, I came here to rant.....
Stop trying to sell me more stuff when you have not fulfilled your commitments from the last sale ! Why do you think I would want to send additional business to you when you have have unresolved issues with previous sales?
Duke
MegaDork
1/13/21 1:15 p.m.
Antihero (Forum Supporter) said:
In reply to Duke :
It's not just TV though, it's people in general.
Don't get me wrong a lot of it is TV I guess but it just seems so.....odd. I don't know how to explain it.
Oh, I get that completely. TV is just a metaphor for popular culture. And popular culture is just a metaphor for people.
Harbor Freight...
I ordered online a 4" belt/6" disc combo sander and a bunch of sand paper for the thing. I get emails today that all of the different paper shipped out but the combo sander didn't and they are "Unable to fulfill".
What the berkeley am I supposed to do with all of the sandpaper if I do not get the damn sander that they were meant for. shiny happy persons.
If your unleashed dog comes running into my garage barking and heads towards my wife then yes, I'm going to hit it with the section of roll cage tubing that was close at hand. I like dogs and I'd really hate to have to hit one but I like my wife more. I'm really, really glad he stopped advancing because he was only a foot or so away from a very ugly situation.
He may very well be the good dog that you're telling me he is but I have no way of knowing that and his uninvited presence in my garage runs counter to that claim. His owner is certainly an entitled idiot. You parked right next a sign that reminds you of the leash law.
Had therapy today because I'm falling apart again. I so wish there was a fast fix to all of this but it seems there is not. I know she's right about a lot of things but none of it is what I want to hear.
Ashyukun (Robert) said:
In reply to eastsideTim :
Glad to hear he's doing better. Both of them are now what, 14? 15? I still remember them as kittens when you guys first got them. Hopefully you get a few more years with them... I miss my cats, but am not planning on getting more until we also get a new dog so we hopefully don't have to keep them separated like we did my cats & The Dog.
Yup, they're 15 now. And through it all, Lucy is still as healthy as a horse, and Linus seems to survive on stubbornness alone. As much as I love them, (Linus chills next to my office desk every day), I think we'll be done with pets for a while after they are gone, so we can travel more. I won't even try to find someone who can keep up with his medical needs, just so I can take a trip. After one of his vet trips in November, I pretty much have to be around every day to take care of him. I guess the timing of his more recent health decline and the pandemic worked out in that way.
Thank you to everyone for the well wishes. He's at the base of my chair meowing right now because he wants attention, so he may not be fully back to what passes as normal for him, he's definitely feeling better.
In reply to Wally (Forum Supporter) :
It's usually the E36 M3 we don't want to hear that sets us straight and turns it around. I haven't listened in a long, long time.
Wally (Forum Supporter) said:
Had therapy today because I'm falling apart again. I so wish there was a fast fix to all of this but it seems there is not. I know she's right about a lot of things but none of it is what I want to hear.
Grief becomes a part of you. It can be the armor that protects you, the fire that drives you, the weapon you use to destroy all around you or the bullet that ends you.
Sometimes you try for 1 and get all 4. Sometimes you try to run away from it and you get one or 2 but it's always a part of you.
You can't run from it, but we all do in the beginning. The sooner you realize that it's unyielding presence in your life the better and faster you can decide what it will make you become.
And never let it be the 4th option
Wally (Forum Supporter) said:
Had therapy today because I'm falling apart again. I so wish there was a fast fix to all of this but it seems there is not. I know she's right about a lot of things but none of it is what I want to hear.
Heather says, "Oh my God, yes. Did you stop listening at minute one or minute two? Did you count how many times you said, 'Berkeley Off?'"
Rant: 57 Channels (and Nothin' On) sounds wrong to me without the bass from Nirvana's On a Plain as the music.
You may never unhear this.
In reply to matthewmcl (Forum Supporter) :
I zoned out a few times, and it's all done by phone so my attention span isn't the best anyway but I am really trying to listen best I can and taking notes. As much as I hated hearing most of it and normally would have told her to pound sand I'm trying to make a serious effort to figure this out. I can't go on like this forever. She keeps saying everything I'm going through is normal and expected but that's not making it any easier.
In reply to Antihero (Forum Supporter) :
I don't believe I'd do anything to myself having seen what it does to the people left behind but I certainly see how it could happen. There are a lot of times I think the best thing that could have happened would have been if I had a heart attack at the same time and been done with it. A tragic story for sure but in the end a lot cleaner for everyone involved. Since I'm still stuck here I'm making an effort to do the best I can.
In reply to Appleseed :
I'm hoping it works but it's not an easy listen.
In reply to Wally (Forum Supporter) :
Hi Wally, it's Heather,
"Normal and expected"...words us widowed people hate. You need to take the skills she gives you and learn to use them within the life you have been given now. Understand that life is there and might just be "there" for a while. PM Matthew your address and I will send you some stuff that really worked for me in the beginning of this new adventure.
Heather
Wally (Forum Supporter) said:
In reply to Antihero (Forum Supporter) :
I don't believe I'd do anything to myself having seen what it does to the people left behind but I certainly see how it could happen. There are a lot of times I think the best thing that could have happened would have been if I had a heart attack at the same time and been done with it. A tragic story for sure but in the end a lot cleaner for everyone involved. Since I'm still stuck here I'm making an effort to do the best I can.
It's a two edged....well bullet from what I said. It can mean you are either actively or passively looking for that bullet.
The thing that is worrisome though is I gave you 4 options and you honed in on the worst one. While this doesn't mean you are headed down this path it does mean that you have your eye on it. Being wary of it is smart but remember, the abyss stares back.
People in grief never want to be told it's normal because their grief has to be special and to them it is.....but it's not. The mere fact we are alive means that we've experienced grief every one of us. The older we get the larger that weight gets. None of that gets rid of the feeling that the world should have stopped spinning once our loved ones passed
Duke
MegaDork
1/13/21 9:41 p.m.
In reply to Wally (Forum Supporter) :
To cut it down to the bone:
"Normal and expected" does not equate to "easy".
You've got the best amateur support network in the world right here. I have no doubt that you also need a professional support network too, and I'm glad you're working with them.
Use us for what we can do, use them for what they can do, and with what we know you can do, you'll get through this.
Wally (Forum Supporter) said:
In reply to Appleseed :
I'm hoping it works but it's not an easy listen.
Nothing good is ever easy. I've not lost a spouse, so I do not have any experience with your point of view. My point of view (maybe it'll help you look at it a little differently) comes from losing close friends in combat. It seems almost asinine to have a good buddy get killed, and then you've still got to go on with the mission the next day, and do the very best you can because people are counting on you. I did it because I didn't want to let my buddies down. I know they'd have done the same for me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that easy or not, you've got to find your "why" again. It's hard, that much I know. But when you find it again, it'll all be worthwhile.
In reply to matthewmcl (Forum Supporter) :
Thank you so much, as much of a nightmare as this has been I've met so many nice people in the same mess.
In reply to Antihero (Forum Supporter) :
I always feel I have to answer questions like that. I've been a little surprised by the number of people I know who check on me think I could or would do it and need to be told I won't.
In reply to Duke :
Thank you, I've been very lucky to know so many great people like you all.
In reply to Recon1342 :
I'm seeing that. I don't like it but I'm working on accepting it and trying to get through it.
Antihero (Forum Supporter) said:
In reply to RevRico :
I won't say that I've always felt like I'm a part of the group, I don't really care that I am.
But this was like watching some odd tribe I've never seen before function in their own society. Think when you go to a foreign country times 50. And this is in a place I've lived for 30 years
I deal with this pretty regularly. Foreign Service calls it "reverse culture shock", sleepywife and I have also talked about coming home being like returning to an "alternate reality"... everything is really familiar, but there are some things that are different, but you can't always put your finger on it because you can't exactly remember the way things were before. Could be how people are acting, could be a building, or other construction.
Then there is all the time I've spent "in the south visiting", after being raised by Yankees in an "in between zone". I'll never really be a part of sleepywife's family, or hometown; because I'll always be an 'outsider' and/or 'other'.
So, from my experience, it's a lot more common than most people realize. Or, maybe, I'm a lot more sensitive to picking up on it?