Duke
MegaDork
10/12/21 9:01 a.m.
stanger_mussle said:
About a week ago, a long-time friend of my former girlfriend committed suicide. She's been a wreck and I've been trying to console her and offer support but she keeps pushing me away. I'm worried about her because this is a huge loss in her personal life. The past few months have been really hard on her with money issues, car issues and family issues.
I don't know what to do
You've offered support and been rejected. Let her know that support is still available if she decides she needs it.
Then move on. You've tried your best and left the door open. You can't do things for people if they won't accept it.
wae
UberDork
10/12/21 9:03 a.m.
I love the Keurig. It's perfectly serviceable coffee and I can have one hot cup of coffee at a time. The drip thing we have can only make a minimum of 4 "cups" at a time and then it sits there and either cooks or gets cold throughout the day. We also waste a lot less coffee when we're making it one cup at a time. My wife used to make a 12-"cup" pot, pour a mug, and then not drink any of it. I'd really like to get one of the little single-cup machines down here at my desk so I didn't have to walk upstairs to get a fresh cup because I am that lazy. If I did that, though, I'd have to use the pre-packaged k-cups instead of the re-usable ones since I don't really have any place to dispose of the grounds down here.
In reply to mtn :
I tried a Keurig once. It was the second worse cup of coffee I have ever had. It was close to topping the list but Starbucks still ranks number 1.
wae said:
I love the Keurig. It's perfectly serviceable coffee and I can have one hot cup of coffee at a time. The drip thing we have can only make a minimum of 4 "cups" at a time and then it sits there and either cooks or gets cold throughout the day. We also waste a lot less coffee when we're making it one cup at a time. My wife used to make a 12-"cup" pot, pour a mug, and then not drink any of it. I'd really like to get one of the little single-cup machines down here at my desk so I didn't have to walk upstairs to get a fresh cup because I am that lazy. If I did that, though, I'd have to use the pre-packaged k-cups instead of the re-usable ones since I don't really have any place to dispose of the grounds down here.
This. I have to go outside, upstairs, into the house, make a cup of coffee, and then back. Kinda annoying. But it probably keps my consumption to a responsible level.
Also: community coffee coffee and chicory is AWESOME in a kcup.
Duke said:
stanger_mussle said:
About a week ago, a long-time friend of my former girlfriend committed suicide. She's been a wreck and I've been trying to console her and offer support but she keeps pushing me away. I'm worried about her because this is a huge loss in her personal life. The past few months have been really hard on her with money issues, car issues and family issues.
I don't know what to do
You've offered support and been rejected. Let her know that support is still available if she decides she needs it.
Then move on. You've tried your best and left the door open. You can't do things for people if they won't accept it.
Don't take it personally if she doesn't come to you and then ends up spilling her guts to someone unexpectedly. There are a lot of thoughts I had no intention of sharing with anyone and somebody made a comment and I started talking without thinking. People's brains do sone inexplicable E36 M3.
Wally (Forum Supporter) said:
Duke said:
stanger_mussle said:
About a week ago, a long-time friend of my former girlfriend committed suicide. She's been a wreck and I've been trying to console her and offer support but she keeps pushing me away. I'm worried about her because this is a huge loss in her personal life. The past few months have been really hard on her with money issues, car issues and family issues.
I don't know what to do
You've offered support and been rejected. Let her know that support is still available if she decides she needs it.
Then move on. You've tried your best and left the door open. You can't do things for people if they won't accept it.
Don't take it personally if she doesn't come to you and then ends up spilling her guts to someone unexpectedly. There are a lot of thoughts I had no intention of sharing with anyone and somebody made a comment and I started talking without thinking. People's brains do sone inexplicable E36 M3.
Good advice. Something else to consider is that grief and depression often come with feelings of guilt and embarrassment. (Not that they should, they just do.) That makes it hard to open up to someone who's opinion matters to the one who's suffering. When I was suffering from depression I finally ended up going to someone I knew only slightly despite having family members and friends who were trained counselors. The only thing you can do is check in occasionally. Let her know you care and gently point out resources that might be available to her.
Dusterbd13-michael said:
wae said:
I love the Keurig. It's perfectly serviceable coffee and I can have one hot cup of coffee at a time. The drip thing we have can only make a minimum of 4 "cups" at a time and then it sits there and either cooks or gets cold throughout the day. We also waste a lot less coffee when we're making it one cup at a time. My wife used to make a 12-"cup" pot, pour a mug, and then not drink any of it. I'd really like to get one of the little single-cup machines down here at my desk so I didn't have to walk upstairs to get a fresh cup because I am that lazy. If I did that, though, I'd have to use the pre-packaged k-cups instead of the re-usable ones since I don't really have any place to dispose of the grounds down here.
This. I have to go outside, upstairs, into the house, make a cup of coffee, and then back. Kinda annoying. But it probably keps my consumption to a responsible level.
Also: community coffee coffee and chicory is AWESOME in a kcup.
I don't wholly view the walk down to the kitchen as a bad thing- when I was at the office and not WFH my day inherently involved a LOT more walking just because of the size of the office, so I get a lot less 'unintentional' exercise when I'm at home than I used to.
My experience with Keurigs has not been good, largely because I drink tea and not coffee. I tried once or twice to make tea (or hot chocolate) with the Kuerig at the office, but it always came out tasting like coffee (something which I did not appreciate) so I went on with my usual use of an electric teapot to heat water to steep my tea.
Wally (Forum Supporter) said:
Duke said:
stanger_mussle said:
About a week ago, a long-time friend of my former girlfriend committed suicide. She's been a wreck and I've been trying to console her and offer support but she keeps pushing me away. I'm worried about her because this is a huge loss in her personal life. The past few months have been really hard on her with money issues, car issues and family issues.
I don't know what to do
You've offered support and been rejected. Let her know that support is still available if she decides she needs it.
Then move on. You've tried your best and left the door open. You can't do things for people if they won't accept it.
Don't take it personally if she doesn't come to you and then ends up spilling her guts to someone unexpectedly. There are a lot of thoughts I had no intention of sharing with anyone and somebody made a comment and I started talking without thinking. People's brains do sone inexplicable E36 M3.
My recently widowed friend had one of those moments the other day. He was thinking, and considering, and his brain started going in unexpected directions, and he ended up writing it all out. Five pages.
When stuff bubbles to the surface, it probably won't be at a time of their choosing, and it will be dealt with no matter who is around at the time.
wae
UberDork
10/12/21 1:27 p.m.
In reply to Ashyukun (Robert) :
Yeah, the coffee taste doesn't ever really come out of it. I kind of like that when I use it to make water for tea but that's because I don't like tea. So when my daughter wants to share the tea she really likes with me, I can make it with water out of the coffeemaker and it tastes a little bit like coffee.
Thank you all for your support. I've let her know on multiple occasions that if she ever wants to talk, no matter what time it is, that she can call/text/message me on FB and I will be there. I'll continue to check in on her. I just want to make sure she is OK.
Duke
MegaDork
10/12/21 4:09 p.m.
In reply to stanger_mussle :
I totally get that you just want what's best for her, and that's what you're doing. But there's nothing constructive about beating yourself up about it. Keep doing what you're doing, but also keep it a little distant, for your own emotional health.
Pete. (l33t FS) said:
My recently widowed friend had one of those moments the other day. He was thinking, and considering, and his brain started going in unexpected directions, and he ended up writing it all out. Five pages.
When stuff bubbles to the surface, it probably won't be at a time of their choosing, and it will be dealt with no matter who is around at the time.
I write a lot. I've filled about seven notebook. Random thoughts, some journal entries, some feeble poetry, and letters to Jodi. Much of it is too dark to share and they all get filled in a box under my bed that my brother is supposed to toss without opening when I go. There is something about getting the thoughts out into paper that makes them manageable.
In reply to stanger_mussle :
That's all you can do, don't bring it up excessively or harp on her issues. It's hard to explain but things don't work nice and neat like that. It's really not up to her when she's comfortable talking or to who, and I know in my case I need to keep a couple friends that never ask so I can have normal conversations. There are also people with their own issues that I don't want to drag down with me. The two people I confide the most in are a friend I hadn't seen in 20 years and a coworker I rarely spoke to. It makes no sense but here I am. Also if she spends time with you and doesn't talk go with it. There are entire weekends I went racing and never uttered a complete sentence. The good thing about them is they get it and give me my space. She's processing a lot, and right now feels like no one understands the thoughts she's having and is probably embarrassed by them. It's absolute E36 M3, and it will likely repeat itself a few times. She'll feel comfortable then feel guilty about being comfortable.
NickD
MegaDork
10/12/21 6:48 p.m.
The Miata has developed a weird clunk from the rear when I get on and off throttle at low speeds. I'm hoping its a rear axle that maybe has some hammered trunions from lots of hard launches with 250whp and 245-width tires and not, say, a rear diff getting ready to 'splode.
In reply to Wally (Forum Supporter) :
Apparently his therpaist gave him a homework assignment to write to his wife, like, a couple years ago (she died extremely suddenly and without warning, in the sense that he went to bed married and woke up next to a cold wife, coincidentally enough when the first patient identified to have covid in the US was pinned down, sometime in November 2019, I forget the date but I am sure he remembers) and it was something he had put off because you have to be in the right mindset for that sort of thing. But... the other day was the day it all finally erupted like a volcano and he set aside his work as a writer-for-hire and wrote for himself because that was the time.
I get that.
In reply to Pete. (l33t FS) :
My wife was also rather sudden and my therapist recommended the same. It works surprisingly well.
NickD said:
The Miata has developed a weird clunk from the rear when I get on and off throttle at low speeds. I'm hoping its a rear axle that maybe has some hammered trunions from lots of hard launches with 250whp and 245-width tires and not, say, a rear diff getting ready to 'splode.
I can't say that I have tested the limits of the Mazda 7" as much as some have (*looks at the V8 RX-7 swappers*) but loose internals in the diff is never a good thing.
I'd be hoping it is bad diff uterus bushings. Or a broken diff uterus.
I won mod rear at the 2015 Great Lakes Division Challenge with EvanB's car like this. Had to chain it up like the day before the event, who knows how long it was broken.
I don't know how many whp his car has, but it's a crazy silly squirrel when the boost gauge goes positive.
I have a really hard time taking someone seriously who says or types "prolly." Even more so in a professional setting.
Duke
MegaDork
10/13/21 7:33 a.m.
In reply to Scotty Con Queso :
There is literally no excuse for doing that professionally.
Scotty Con Queso said:
I have a really hard time taking someone seriously who says or types "prolly." Even more so in a professional setting.
Pet peeve alert!
On one of the forums I modded I used the word filter to change prolly to look at me, I'm retarded.
It was fun to watch
In reply to Scotty Con Queso :
It doesn't even make sense! It throws away 33% of the syllables.
slefain
PowerDork
10/13/21 9:49 a.m.
Two years ago I bought my first new TV ever in my life, a 65" Vizio flat screen. I finally realized the odd shadow on the bottom right I noticed a few weeks ago is a sign that a LED backlight strip is going out. So far it only annoys me, the rest of the family isn't bothered. But it will be a PITA to swap out the LEDs when it finally gets bad.
Oh, and the furnace cage fan has developed a "stutter" when starting up on low speed (circulate, no heat or A/C setting). Takes a good minute or two now to get the fan spinning. Man I hope it is something simple like a capacitor I can swap out. Zero issue getting it spinning for high speed, so at least I still have heat and A/C.
I'm letting him roll. I want to see how much E36 M3 this toddler throws on the ground. Toys, books, blankets. It'll probably end up all of it.
hunter47 said:
In reply to Scotty Con Queso :
It doesn't even make sense! It throws away 33% of the syllables.
Have you heard some people talk?
So I used to teach math. Why in the world does everyone on every newscast do this -
The Dow is up 29 POINT 61 today. No, Just no.
The Dow is up 29 AND 61 hundredths today.
Its not that hard, folks.
Second time in a year I've had a spark find it's way past my safety glasses and scratch my eye.