Not wanting children

i was the same way, i never wanted kids until a later age and my gf got pregnant we had a son. and i wouldn't change it for the world. i love my kid so much. one day when your ready it will happen.

Unfortunately we live in the real life version of this:

That movie is a prophecy if I ever saw one.

calteg wrote:

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: If you don't EVER want kids... you should probably give her the option to ditch you before her eggs and options dry up. It's only fair, really.

This. There are several issues that are relationship killers if the two of you don't see eye-to-eye: Religion Finances Children Fidelity Far better to break up now, amicably, than have it blow up in your face later when both of you are much older.

Add politics to that list.

I have seen what happens when a conservative marries a liberal. Talk about oil and water.

A woman's fertility drops fairly quickly every year past about 25. Getting pregnant at 30 is infinitely harder than at 20 and pregnancies over 35 are considered "geriatric". Tell her soon if you mean it. Be warned that I've heard more than one woman say staying with a man who doesn't want a baby is no big deal because she can pretty much have one with him whenever she wants.

Child-free for 23 years of marriage and loving it. Do I occasionally see a cute, precocious little 5 year old and wish I had one? Sure...for about 2 minutes. Then reality sets in, and I praise the science that allows us to have vasectomies.

On the one marriage forum I frequent I can tell you that when you have a kid, the sex dries up in a hurry. More than one? Good luck getting any at all. Now, I know that's not a one-size-fits-all statement, and some knucklehead will chime in here about how his wife bangs him 4 times a week with six kids in the house, but the sheer numbers of people who are having issues getting sex and love in their marriage are being cockblocked by kids and the mothers too tired from chasing them.

We have dogs. They are fun, inexpensive, generally don't wind up in the back of a police car, don't talk back and won't wreck your own car. No, they aren't the same as kids. Yes, they are close enough for a lot of us.

I am 31 and she is 34. The reason I am thinking about it now is because I don't want to wait, not change my mind, and waste her time/chance to have a family.

z31maniac wrote:

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: If you don't EVER want kids... you should probably give her the option to ditch you before her eggs and options dry up. It's only fair, really.

This. That's why I dated my wife for 3.5 years and lived with her for 3 of those years so that she could fully understand (and accept it or leave it), that I DO NOT want children, I have NEVER wanted children, and I NEVER will want children. Been together over 7, will be 4 years married in a few more months. It's good to know we are on the same page. We have as such softened our stance since then. Basically doing everything we can to prevent it, but figured if it did happen it likely wouldn't be the end of the world, and laid-back college educated people with good jobs should probably be the ones contributing to the population.............../eugenics

Add me to the "never wanted kids" list. But accidents happen, she's an awesome teenager, and the fact I've been able to spend more time with her during the past 7-months than I have over the past 7-years has brought us even closer. To pour gas onto the fire, my wife has 3 kids of her own(though she didn't really want kids either), and being a step-dad for the last 10-years has been way better than I could ever imagine. Not once have I received an "I hate you!" from any of them - so I figure I'm either doing something right, or something really, really wrong…

To be honest, we're both looking forward to the kids going their own ways over the next few years(though I'm sure we'll miss them like crazy too), and we're hoping grandkids don't happen for at least another 10-years. So far, that doesn't seem like a problem.

The idea of my not having kids has destroyed every relationship I have ever been in. Even when explained that having a kid with me basically dooms the child to a lifetime of pain and humiliation due to crohnes disease (I stand a -very- good chance of passing it along, even if the mother's family has no history of intestinal issues. If there is a history, the kid is guaranteed to come down with it.

Even with explaining that.. they want kids

If women want kids they should go to the sperm bank and have them. What they want is a coparent and potential source of child support income. There isn't any accounting of child support money so a bunch of that money will go into the mani/pedi/handbag fund. From what I've heard is as women get older they have kids with a much higher incidence of genetic defects, you are basically playing genetic wheel of fortune and you might hit "bankrupt." Don't fall for the "I can't get pregnant" bait either, common lie and remember you are on the hook.

Listen to Tom Leykis at blowmeuptom.com (3-6pm pacific) if you are sincere about not wanting kids. Men shouldn't be pressured into having progeny they don't desire.

rotard wrote: So, I have a nearly perfect girlfriend. The only issue is that she wants a kid someday. I've never given any thought to having one, and I'm pretty sure that I don't want to give up my free time and disposable income for one. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Yup. Although it's not so much the free time/disposable income (what are those things?) so much as it is that I can't rationalize having kids, on a personal as well as societal level. It would be a long explanation but the short of it (leaving many salient points out) is that it would be hypocritical of me to have kids, plus it seems to be immoral to have children relative to the planet's carrying capacity vs. the existing population trend.

In reply to Knurled: Aren't the population trends inversely tied to affluence?

In reply to MrJoshua:

It makes sense for that to be the case. The more affluent a society, the less people need to have large families to ensure that they will be taken care of in old age. Or to ensure that more than one or two will survive to adulthood.

In reply to rotard:

I'd say that if she wants kids "someday" she'd better get on it now, at 34. Besides the difficulties of raising young children as you approach your 40s, there's a jump in disability and birth defect rates after maternal age 35.

On another note, my wife and I decided to have kids even though we don't really like kids. Actually we still don't like other kids, but we love our own.

Had a daughter with the first wife, wouldn't give that up for anything. When wife 2 and I met I thought I might like to breed me some manual labor to assist in my old age. As time went on I thought it was cheaper to hire a lawn service than raise a kid to cut my lawn. Wife 2 still wanted kids, I got her a puppy. Every time the issue got heated I got her a dog. We have 6 dogs, and 4 cats for good measure. She's long since realized we have a lifestyle we like which in no way includes children. People change, discuss how you feel about it, talk through it and see where you end up.

No, my wife and I have cats.

We too have cats, but we will have kids. She wants them with all that she is and I, well I want her to be happy with that I am. I like kids well enough, and am not opposed to kids in theory. I just figured a long time back it would not work out for me to have kids and had accepted it. That was until I met my wife and she informed me there will be kids.

I don't want kids, neither does my wife.

We bought a dog. The dog had kids. We're happy.

Maybe you guys should get a dog.

We love being DINKs. If you end up having kids, say goodbye to free time, motorcycles and two-seat sports cars. At least until the kids are out of the house.

I figure the Duggar family is making up for all us happy, childless couples.

Bobzilla wrote: you were my 4th. I work with one, one I went to college/worked with and one of the wife's friends. In fact, half of today was me pissing off people on Faceyspace that were bitching about minimum wage, raising a kid while working at McD's. The whole "If you can't afford to pay for yourself what the hell are you doing getting knocked up?" thing. That seems to really bother some people.

Spoken like someone who doesn't have kids. I am a professional in technology with a job that compensates me well, but the reality is it doesn't matter how much you make when you have kids. It is never enough. I sympathize with your opinion when I see those who are trying to populate the earth with their offspring. However, having even one child costs way more than you can imagine and realistically one kid is like having some goldfish. Having one kid is expensive, having more than one child is financial suicide.

http://youtu.be/b9s18qjn618

Best song...ever.

i didn't think i wanted kids. my wife and i discussed it at length and she didn't know either.

we finally decided that if it was going to happen we'd be cool with it and it happened.

we could afford our house, cars, bills, go out sometimes, and had a little bit of play income before our son was born. we have all that 3 years later too, and now we have a happy little guy who loves cars and has already been pointing out different types of cars for a year. we have a 2nd unexpectedly on the way, it took me a long time to come to terms with that as i was set with my happy family. i'm sure after she is born it'll be just like before and we'll wonder how we thought life was complete without her.

i was worried about how good a dad i would be, but it seems as long as your are a good human being and keep in mind you are dad first and friend second when a little discipline is necessary, you'll do just fine.

Trans_Maro wrote: We love being DINKs. If you end up having kids, say goodbye to free time, motorcycles and two-seat sports cars. At least until the kids are out of the house.

What? I must have missed that memo... I hope the fines for violating that nonsense aren't retroactive. I've been buying and racing impractical cars for the whole 14 years and I have TWO kids.

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote:

Trans_Maro wrote: We love being DINKs. If you end up having kids, say goodbye to free time, motorcycles and two-seat sports cars. At least until the kids are out of the house.

What? I must have missed that memo... I hope the fines for violating that nonsense aren't retroactive. I've been buying and racing impractical cars for the whole 14 years and I have TWO kids.

count me in the haz kid(s) with a motorcycle and a 2 seat sports car camp. i did park the car for the first 3 years of kiddom, mostly because of automotive ADD though.

patgizz wrote:

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote:

Trans_Maro wrote: We love being DINKs. If you end up having kids, say goodbye to free time, motorcycles and two-seat sports cars. At least until the kids are out of the house.

What? I must have missed that memo... I hope the fines for violating that nonsense aren't retroactive. I've been buying and racing impractical cars for the whole 14 years and I have TWO kids.

count me in the haz kid(s) with a motorcycle and a 2 seat sports car camp. i did park the car for the first 3 years of kiddom, mostly because of automotive ADD though.

Yeah, quite a bit of misinformation flying around in here.

Trans_Maro wrote: We love being DINKs. If you end up having kids, say goodbye to free time, motorcycles and two-seat sports cars. At least until the kids are out of the house.

Somewhere, on a disused hard drive, is a picture of a friend's '79 RX-7 with a baby seat in it.

Trans_Maro wrote: If you end up having kids, say goodbye to free time, motorcycles and two-seat sports cars. At least until the kids are out of the house.

I have 3 kids and I just bought a Miata. I strapped the 6 year old into the passenger seat and took him to watch the rally race last night.