Tesla Truck: It’s Got Angles

This morning’s big news: The Tesla Cybertruck has been revealed and, well, it’s something to discuss. Angles. So many angles.

Zero to 60 in less than 3 seconds!

And it's bulletproof. Kinda.

We’ve been talking about this one since the summer, but it’s never too late to join the conversation.

 

 

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Dr. Hess
Dr. Hess MegaDork
11/22/19 10:24 a.m.

Does it have real door handles, or will it trap you and burn you to death?

1988RedT2
1988RedT2 MegaDork
11/22/19 10:31 a.m.
Dr. Hess said:

Does it have real door handles, or will it trap you and burn you to death?

Door handles would interfere with the aesthetics and increase aerodynamic drag.  The vehicle's AI will use a facial recognition algorithm and then decide whether or not it's in the mood to let you in and go for a drive. 

Edit:  Oh, you mean to get out!  cheeky

Kreb
Kreb UberDork
11/22/19 10:35 a.m.

Like the guy who roasted to death in his Corvette one hot Texas day? Kinda important to know where those manual releases are.

ShinnyGroove
ShinnyGroove Reader
11/22/19 10:39 a.m.

That thing looks like it was designed by someone who just learned to use their solid modeling software 10 minutes ago.

Fueled by Caffeine
Fueled by Caffeine MegaDork
11/22/19 10:41 a.m.
Dr. Hess said:

Does it have real door handles, or will it trap you and burn you to death?

once again Hess goes right for it.   The electric door handles on these things scare the hell out of me.

Toyman01
Toyman01 MegaDork
11/22/19 10:41 a.m.

I'm going to go with no. 

 

Appleseed
Appleseed MegaDork
11/22/19 10:48 a.m.

I've seen LEGO with more curves. Jesus Christ. 

Jay_W
Jay_W Dork
11/22/19 11:02 a.m.

It looks like it got stolen off the studio lot that brought you Total Recall, but well after that one was released and that after a long financial slide is currently attempting to survive on the bottom end Z grade crap that the SyFy channel puts out exclusively on the 3 AM timeslot.

slowbird
slowbird Dork
11/22/19 11:16 a.m.

I think it was inspired by the low-poly vehicles of GeneRally, the freeware top-down racing game from the 2000s.

Duke
Duke MegaDork
11/22/19 11:18 a.m.

SPECTRE 3D design aesthetic aside, I'm struggling to understand what about this constitutes a "truck".

 

ebonyandivory
ebonyandivory PowerDork
11/22/19 11:42 a.m.
Dr. Hess said:

Does it have real door handles, or will it trap you and burn you to death?

Looks like you can just break the bulletproof glass to get out.

freetors
freetors Reader
11/22/19 11:50 a.m.

Trucks need upright windshields for better visibility. Something even trucks from other brands have pretty much done away with too...

The trophy truck photoshopped Tesla looked pretty cool though.

edizzle89
edizzle89 SuperDork
11/22/19 12:20 p.m.

In reply to ebonyandivory :

in their defense doing the same thing to any other manufacturer's car windows it would have gone straight through. so tougher then your average window

Hasbro
Hasbro SuperDork
11/22/19 12:31 p.m.

I like it! Just lower it a few inches...

Knurled.
Knurled. MegaDork
11/22/19 12:40 p.m.

Hell's angles, maybe.

burdickjp
burdickjp Reader
11/22/19 12:41 p.m.
Hasbro said:

I like it! Just lower it a few inches...

 

Those wheels.

nimblemotorsports
nimblemotorsports Reader
11/22/19 12:47 p.m.
ShinnyGroove said:

That thing looks like it was designed by someone who just learned to use their solid modeling software 10 minutes ago.

This

Brake_L8
Brake_L8 Reader
11/22/19 1:01 p.m.

Horrific. I think my Nintendo 64 had vehicles with better lines, and it ran at the teensiest screen resolution. 

I'm so over Tesla and their fanbois. Ready for the Rivian pickup and SUV, and the EV F-150.

T.J.
T.J. MegaDork
11/22/19 1:02 p.m.

Checks calendar....surprised to see it is not April 1st.

Is that really the design?

Confused.

ebonyandivory
ebonyandivory PowerDork
11/22/19 1:02 p.m.
edizzle89 said:

In reply to ebonyandivory :

in their defense doing the same thing to any other manufacturer's car windows it would have gone straight through. so tougher then your average window

I personally have no use for ridiculously strong glass in my truck. Not sure what the draw would be for a daily driver truck.

D2W
D2W HalfDork
11/22/19 1:06 p.m.
ebonyandivory said:
edizzle89 said:

In reply to ebonyandivory :

in their defense doing the same thing to any other manufacturer's car windows it would have gone straight through. so tougher then your average window

I personally have no use for ridiculously strong glass in my truck. Not sure what the draw would be for a daily driver truck.

Because when people see you in it you are going to be stoned to death.

thatsnowinnebago
thatsnowinnebago UltraDork
11/22/19 2:01 p.m.
D2W said:
ebonyandivory said:
edizzle89 said:

In reply to ebonyandivory :

in their defense doing the same thing to any other manufacturer's car windows it would have gone straight through. so tougher then your average window

I personally have no use for ridiculously strong glass in my truck. Not sure what the draw would be for a daily driver truck.

Because when people see you in it you are going to be stoned to death.

Do More Of What Makes You Happy

Being stoned might make this thing more appealing...

300zxfreak
300zxfreak New Reader
11/22/19 2:13 p.m.

Put a turret on that thing and you’ve got something right out of Mad Max. 

wheelsmithy
wheelsmithy SuperDork
11/22/19 2:15 p.m.

I like it. Definitely unique.

I'd still preferr a Bollinger

, but if the Tesla comes in under 40k, It would be cool.

Carsandbikes
Carsandbikes Reader
11/22/19 2:27 p.m.

Well I guess this is an "improvement" compared to the almost blobby Tesla sedans?

This ALMOST looks like what you might get if you crossed a Honda Cross...Track(?) with a 1st generation Honda Ridgeline, but told the designers " it has to look like something out of The Terminator".

I am going to guess that the rear ramp-looking thing is a aerodynamic cover for the bed?

DjGreggieP
DjGreggieP Reader
11/22/19 2:29 p.m.

I wonder if Cybertruck is going to make an appearance alongside Keanu Reeves in Cyberpunk 2077... 

NorseDave
NorseDave Reader
11/22/19 2:29 p.m.
Hasbro said:

I like it! Just lower it a few inches...

Exactly my first thought!  Bertone Stratus Zero goes SUV. Or something.  

TrulySpooky
TrulySpooky New Reader
11/22/19 2:39 p.m.
Appleseed said:

I've seen LEGO with more curves. Jesus Christ. 

Some might think your joking but as a Lego enthusiast I can confirm this to be true.

Dr. Hess
Dr. Hess MegaDork
11/22/19 3:07 p.m.
The0retical
The0retical UberDork
11/22/19 3:18 p.m.

What's that old Top Gear line?

"Designed by a man who was given only a ruler...."

I mean, I guess the tooling would be less expensive if you only need to stamp flat and single 90 degree panels.

Either that or all the money went to the Model Y's tooling but they caught a sweet deal on large metal brakes.

BullManUGA
BullManUGA New Reader
11/22/19 3:19 p.m.

It's a hidden car from one of my favorite SNES games, Stunt Race FX.

 

Knurled.
Knurled. MegaDork
11/22/19 3:38 p.m.
300zxfreak said:

Put a turret on that thing and you’ve got something right out of Mad Max. 

You'd want to stick a turret on a rat rod to get the Mad Max aesthetic.  Need to have all the skulls and saws and other accessorizing.

 

Stick a turret on this, and you have a support vehicle for the troop carrier from Aliens.

Appleseed
Appleseed MegaDork
11/22/19 4:04 p.m.
ebonyandivory said:
edizzle89 said:

In reply to ebonyandivory :

in their defense doing the same thing to any other manufacturer's car windows it would have gone straight through. so tougher then your average window

I personally have no use for ridiculously strong glass in my truck. Not sure what the draw would be for a daily driver truck.

You don't live in Chicago.

nimblemotorsports
nimblemotorsports Reader
11/22/19 4:21 p.m.

The long lost father of the CitiCar EV has been Found!   

 

Duke
Duke MegaDork
11/22/19 4:44 p.m.

I don't get the hate. I think I it's awesome and I would drive one in a heartbeat. 
 

captdownshift
captdownshift UltimaDork
11/22/19 5:03 p.m.

Boost_Crazy
Boost_Crazy HalfDork
11/22/19 5:13 p.m.

Tesla got tired of all of the complaining about how long it takes to get replacement parts for their cars. If your truck gets damaged, your body shop simplify calls the closest appliance repair shop for parts. 

Cooter
Cooter UltraDork
11/22/19 5:21 p.m.

I want my MTV...

BlueInGreen - Jon
BlueInGreen - Jon SuperDork
11/22/19 5:23 p.m.

I knew the windshield shape looked familiar.

I like it. More cars should take design inspiration from fictional space craft.

Also: 

“CUVs suck, they all look the same!” - the internet.

”Here is something that looks completely different.” - Tesla

”LoL, looks dumb.” - the internet

CrookedRacer
CrookedRacer Reader
11/22/19 6:07 p.m.

Once we've seen a few of them in the wild... would we get used to them? I really want to see one in person, drive it, and tow my race car to the track with it once or twice. Then I'll let you know what I think.

Agent98
Agent98 Reader
11/22/19 6:58 p.m.

Introducing....the Tesla Aztech...spelling mistake intentional

I

Kinda cool though...take that! G Wagen poseurs!

Kreb
Kreb UberDork
11/22/19 7:01 p.m.

Stainless steel fights the fabricator more than mild steel. I wonder how well that stuff stamps? That might be a part of the "no compound curves" look. Although if you're going to take that approach, I much prefer the Karlmann King approach:

 

Ian F
Ian F MegaDork
11/23/19 5:56 a.m.

Well, folks have pondered for ages why we haven't seen futuristic vehicles portrayed in sci-fi.  Ponder no more.

 

edwardh80
edwardh80 Reader
11/23/19 10:30 a.m.

I was always told that if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything.

redstack
redstack Reader
11/23/19 11:05 a.m.

Ok the hull is made of rocket ship stuff,  so that's cool. 

Recall that the SS Delorean had similar lines so it must be a function of trying bend SS. 

On an elect car page they mention Tesla saying you could get in a few ugly colors. But some folks started photo shopping wraps on the sail and such, which changed the overall look. 

My concerns, that yoke steering thing and maybe the door latches. 

Wonder what SEMA will come up with. 

redstack
redstack Reader
11/23/19 11:07 a.m.

Also, why the big front waste of space? Why not the COE van design bandied about earlier? 

redstack
redstack Reader
11/23/19 11:11 a.m.

Perfect to tow your formula E car to the track. 

Superchargers in every national park to keep ice campers out? 

Sorry random thought Saturday I guess

GIRTHQUAKE
GIRTHQUAKE HalfDork
11/23/19 1:29 p.m.
redstack said:

Also, why the big front waste of space? Why not the COE van design bandied about earlier? 

I think the reason why the CYBERTRUCK looks the way it does it to be a simulacra of the "Future of the 1980s" coupled with the limitations of how they plan to build it.

Which is actually kinda genius, in a mad way- they're going after those born after the 1970s who remember the futuristic wedges and the "look" of things like Ghost in the Shell and obviously, Blade Runner- but I honestly think it's more from happenstance than purposeful intention.

BoostedBrandon
BoostedBrandon SuperDork
11/23/19 1:59 p.m.

I agree with Duke. I freaking love it and would drive it without hesitation. If I was in a better financial state I'd order one.

The jury is still out if that's a good or a bad thing.

TreDeuce
TreDeuce New Reader
11/23/19 2:14 p.m.

It's a spoof. Elon having some fun with a crudely constructed concept. The real truck will look different, but the specs will be the same, a shot over the bow of the Big Three.

 

wspohn
wspohn Dork
11/23/19 2:17 p.m.

Too bad having a bed big enough to take a 4x8 sheet of plywood wasn't on the design list....might have been able to overlook the ugliness of the design.

MrJoshua
MrJoshua UltimaDork
11/23/19 2:34 p.m.
wspohn said:

Too bad having a bed big enough to take a 4x8 sheet of plywood wasn't on the design list....might have been able to overlook the ugliness of the design.

I think that is a big deal. It is easily long enough to have made that happen and still seat 6. I know most truck buyers are mall crawler soccer mom types but it seems odd to miss that basic need. Does it meet it with the tailgate down?

MrJoshua
MrJoshua UltimaDork
11/23/19 2:39 p.m.

I think it needs big block TESLA lettering across the front, rear, and rear half of the lower sides in Ford Raptor'ish style possibly in electricity blue/white LED's. Would do a lot to enhance the boldness of it and break up the big empty spaces

KentF
KentF Reader
11/24/19 9:29 a.m.

I can't see me hauling yard waste, wood, rocks, or an appliance in this thing. I can't see me towing my race car 700 miles either. Does this thing even have a hitch? How is this called "truck"? Do they understand what people do with trucks in the real world?

GIRTHQUAKE
GIRTHQUAKE HalfDork
11/24/19 11:09 a.m.

In reply to KentF :

People go to walmart in trucks in the real world. My stepdad owns a 2017 GMC that he's legitimately used as a truck (i.e. hauling) about 3 times, all for moving.

Now, it's a prototype so things will be changed or added... but the CYBERTRUCK is basically a hardier model S with a bed and wild styling. It's meant to work yes- but it's first and foremost meant to be a statement about it's owner.

KentF
KentF Reader
11/24/19 8:48 p.m.

In reply to GIRTHQUAKE :

I missed the part about it being a prototype. That covers a multitude of sins.

So what do you expect the statement its owners would be trying to make?

Keith Tanner
Keith Tanner MegaDork
11/24/19 8:53 p.m.

Sometimes those statements are more about the observer. 

redstack
redstack Reader
11/24/19 9:19 p.m.

Well it's got crazy towing capacity so there must be plans for a hitch. Get the supercharger app to find charging along the 700 mi to Kansas. 

No 5th wheel trailers because of the "sails" 

Do King ranch $70k trucks make dump runs?

KentF
KentF Reader
11/24/19 9:30 p.m.

In reply to Keith Tanner :

The observer only responds (positively, negatively, or neutrally). The owner makes the purchase, tying it to themselves in public. The owner makes the statement. I'm just... not sure what it is in this case. The Tesla cars are brilliant,  look great and are functional. I'm sure this thing is brilliant underneath. But functionality has been seriously subverted to style. It will be interesting to see the production version if it gets that far.

GIRTHQUAKE
GIRTHQUAKE HalfDork
11/24/19 9:40 p.m.
KentF said:

In reply to GIRTHQUAKE :

I missed the part about it being a prototype. That covers a multitude of sins.

So what do you expect the statement its owners would be trying to make?

For myself, I love me some Syd Mead (who loves it) and being able to drive Blade Runner every day rules, which has been part of the attraction from friends of mine. It is so different from everything else on the road, and that's similar to why I got my AW11 at first- its vaporwave as all hell, and that got me interested and I started researching. For the record- I have no purpose for a truck but I want this. It actually excites me from a design standpoint how they're folding it into shape, how frugal it is as it's made from so many stock parts from other Teslas...

For others, like some have mentioned it will be driving the future of a 12 year old- it looks like the future you were promised when you were a kid, and for many it will truly be a feeling of "the future is NOW" in a vehicle. Everything today still has the smooth lines of the 90s, that "melted bar of soap" aesthetic... except for this. Couple the fact that it's aggressive as all hell and I think many who drive fun family cars like your Dodge Challenger but also have some environmental concerns will look hard at this.

Finally, I think there will be a strong- but small- contingent of people who have fantasies that it's supposed bulletproof nature will indulge. I knew a dude back in 2012 who whole-ass stocked his house for a zombie apocalypse, down to storing food and guns in his attic. There's more than enough people out there who will see this wagon for shoving all your hopes and dreams into and will jack it up with brush guards and even bigger mudder tires as a bugout vehicle, who will buy that Tonnaeu cover for bugout fantasies. And why not?

EDIT:

"Function has been subverted for style"? I seriously disagree. I think it's gone so minimalist and utilitarian it's come BACK around to having style, like Brutalist architecture. Though some doubt is there, their torque and pulling specs don't shock me.

TopNoodles
TopNoodles Reader
11/24/19 9:43 p.m.
redstack said:

Do King ranch $70k trucks make dump runs?

In my area I've seen several Platinum super duty trucks being used for construction work, hauling trailers or equipment.

Most of the stuff I hauled in my truck (including 4x8 plywood sheets) wasn't taller than the bed sides so I'm sure most people thought I bought it as a fashion statement and never hauled anything.

Tesla truck likely won't be in the same league as a 3/4 ton pickup but if it's got a bed it will "truck" just fine for most people I'm sure.

 

wvumtnbkr
wvumtnbkr UberDork
11/24/19 9:48 p.m.
KentF said:

In reply to Keith Tanner :

The observer only responds (positively, negatively, or neutrally). The owner makes the purchase, tying it to themselves in public. The owner makes the statement. I'm just... not sure what it is in this case. The Tesla cars are brilliant,  look great and are functional. I'm sure this thing is brilliant underneath. But functionality has been seriously subverted to style. It will be interesting to see the production version if it gets that far.

So what can't this thing do that my Silverado 1500 can?

 

I can't put a 4 x 8 sheet of anything in it.  

 

What else am I missing?

Keith Tanner
Keith Tanner MegaDork
11/24/19 9:55 p.m.
KentF said:

In reply to Keith Tanner :

The observer only responds (positively, negatively, or neutrally). The owner makes the purchase, tying it to themselves in public. The owner makes the statement. I'm just... not sure what it is in this case. The Tesla cars are brilliant,  look great and are functional. I'm sure this thing is brilliant underneath. But functionality has been seriously subverted to style. It will be interesting to see the production version if it gets that far.

Sometimes the owner just buys something, and the observer loads it up with their own baggage. Simply purchasing something is not equivalent to making a statement. If someone assumes that it does, that says more about the observer. 

This is very clear when it comes to trucks. I don’t think there’s another vehicle that is so freighted down with baggage on the part of outsiders. Truck owners all use their vehicles for work, or are all urban cowboys, or all tow cross country, or all want to blot out the sun with smoke, etc. You can clearly see it in the threads in this truck - we all have very strong ideas about truck owners based on our limited sphere of exposure.

The only loss of function I see here is the bed cover. And those things are not unknown in the current truck world. Come up with a soft roll-up version like my Truxedo and there’s a good marriage of weather protection, aero and access. I’m not thrilled with the sloping bed sides, that is potentially a bigger problem. Ask Honda about that. 

KentF
KentF Reader
11/24/19 10:14 p.m.

In reply to Keith Tanner :

Well said. And I just spent some time on thier website. The thing does have specs much better than what was being discussed elsewhere. I stand corrected. It would meet any normal qualifications put forth as "truck". That said, whatever statement it makes, it is not for me thank you. 

racerfink
racerfink UltraDork
11/24/19 10:26 p.m.

Mr. Musk...  Citroen would like a word with you.

 

https://www.motor1.com/news/60892/concept-we-forgot-1980-citroen-karin/

KentF
KentF Reader
11/24/19 10:29 p.m.

In reply to racerfink :

Owe, owe, owe...

 

BBGun
BBGun None
11/25/19 10:57 a.m.

I had a running but rotted Fiat 600 back when I was young and thought I could do anything. I drew up a mid-engine plywood roadster that was more attractive than this thing. If Morgan, Marcos, and Brubaker could do it I figured so can I. I never did. Might still have the drawings somewhere.

Fueled by Caffeine
Fueled by Caffeine MegaDork
11/25/19 12:08 p.m.
Keith Tanner said:
. I don’t think there’s another vehicle that is so freighted down with baggage on the part of outsiders. Truck owners all use their vehicles for work, or are all urban cowboys, or all tow cross country, or all want to blot out the sun with smoke, etc. You can clearly see it in the threads in this truck - we all have very strong ideas about truck owners based on our limited sphere of exposure.

 

Prius's..  sometimes people just want a reliable car with good gas mileage

T.J.
T.J. MegaDork
11/25/19 1:24 p.m.

In case anyone missed it. Here is the truck:

ZOO
ZOO UltraDork
11/25/19 3:06 p.m.

I laughed when I first saw it.  I've done lots of reading about it.  Now I kind of love it.

BoostedBrandon
BoostedBrandon SuperDork
11/25/19 3:15 p.m.

You can order it already on the Tesla website. I don't think this is a prototype.

The final version may be tweaked slightly, but I don't think this is some one-off stunt either.

Justjim75
Justjim75 Dork
11/25/19 11:51 p.m.

The straight line performance smokes everything i own by a large margin, from what he said, depending on traction it would work darn good offroad (maybe not extreme stuff, but work and travel) and i dont usually get 250 miles out of my Miata, and none of my cars will go 500 miles without gas, bathroom and food anyway.  Now all i have to do is come up with $80k.

Wonder if people would pay to take pics with it like those guys on the street that look like bronze statues........

Oh, and it has a bed too!

TopNoodles
TopNoodles Reader
11/26/19 12:32 a.m.
Justjim75 said:

The straight line performance smokes everything i own by a large margin

For a moment there I didn't realize you were referring to the vehicle's acceleration performance. When it comes to straight lines, I'd say the Tesla truck is certainly unrivaled.

Duke
Duke MegaDork
11/26/19 8:05 a.m.
GIRTHQUAKE said:
KentF said:

In reply to GIRTHQUAKE :

I missed the part about it being a prototype. That covers a multitude of sins.

So what do you expect the statement its owners would be trying to make?

For myself, I love me some Syd Mead (who loves it) and being able to drive Blade Runner every day rules, which has been part of the attraction from friends of mine. It is so different from everything else on the road, and that's similar to why I got my AW11 at first- its vaporwave as all hell, and that got me interested and I started researching. For the record- I have no purpose for a truck but I want this. It actually excites me from a design standpoint how they're folding it into shape, how frugal it is as it's made from so many stock parts from other Teslas...

For others, like some have mentioned it will be driving the future of a 12 year old- it looks like the future you were promised when you were a kid, and for many it will truly be a feeling of "the future is NOW" in a vehicle. Everything today still has the smooth lines of the 90s, that "melted bar of soap" aesthetic... except for this. Couple the fact that it's aggressive as all hell and I think many who drive fun family cars like your Dodge Challenger but also have some environmental concerns will look hard at this.

Finally, I think there will be a strong- but small- contingent of people who have fantasies that it's supposed bulletproof nature will indulge. I knew a dude back in 2012 who whole-ass stocked his house for a zombie apocalypse, down to storing food and guns in his attic. There's more than enough people out there who will see this wagon for shoving all your hopes and dreams into and will jack it up with brush guards and even bigger mudder tires as a bugout vehicle, who will buy that Tonnaeu cover for bugout fantasies. And why not?

EDIT:

"Function has been subverted for style"? I seriously disagree. I think it's gone so minimalist and utilitarian it's come BACK around to having style, like Brutalist architecture. Though some doubt is there, their torque and pulling specs don't shock me.

All of this.  I think it's awesome.  I wish I had a need for a truck, so I could buy one.

 

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