“Would you rather fight 10 duck-sized Ryan Newmans or 1 Ryan Newman-sized duck?” | Mark Martin AMA

David S.
By David S. Wallens
Dec 4, 2021 | nascar, AMA, Mark Martin, Reddit

Mark Martin has enjoyed a heck of a NASCAR career: 49 Xfinity wins, 40 Cup wins and five IROC championships. He also has five class wins at the Rolex 24 At Daytona.

Martin’s recent Reddit AMA discussed racing plus other topics. Some of our favorite questions:

  • Hey Mark, if you took two separate lasagnas and stacked them on top of each other, would you have two lasagnas or just one big lasagna?
  • Would you rather fight 10 duck sized Ryan Newman's, or 1 Ryan Newman sized duck?
  • how do you feel about the Spanish Armadas stronghold on the northern Atlantic Ocean in the 1500’s?
Join Free Join our community to easily find more nascar, AMA, Mark Martin and Reddit news.
Comments
View comments on the GRM forums
David S. Wallens
David S. Wallens Editorial Director
12/2/21 12:35 p.m.

And this is why I went to journalism school. 

JG Pasterjak
JG Pasterjak Production/Art Director
12/2/21 12:38 p.m.

Take the single big duck. You're still gonna get waxed, but there's a better chance it loses interest during the beatdown once you mostly stop moving.

David S. Wallens
David S. Wallens Editorial Director
12/2/21 12:39 p.m.

In reply to JG Pasterjak :

I wonder if the big duck has the advantage of shock and awe. Or are you screwed either way? 

APEowner
APEowner GRM+ Memberand SuperDork
12/2/21 12:45 p.m.

I don't have an opinion on the Ryan Newman/duck thing but I know I wouldn't want to fight Mark Martin.  He's tiny but he's also solid muscle.  He shook my hand once and damn near broke it.

Professor_Brap (Forum Supporter)
Professor_Brap (Forum Supporter) GRM+ Memberand UberDork
12/2/21 12:47 p.m.

I'd take the 10 duck size Ryans. 

David S. Wallens
David S. Wallens Editorial Director
12/2/21 1:11 p.m.

For the duck-sized Ryan Newmans, I'm picturing something like this. Either way, frightening.

 

Tom_Spangler (Forum Supporter)
Tom_Spangler (Forum Supporter) GRM+ Memberand PowerDork
12/2/21 1:37 p.m.
JG Pasterjak said:

Take the single big duck. You're still gonna get waxed, but there's a better chance it loses interest during the beatdown once you mostly stop moving.

This guy ducks.

 

stafford1500
stafford1500 GRM+ Memberand Dork
12/2/21 1:38 p.m.

I am going to weight in and say 10-Newman sized ducks. My reasoning: Bone structure of a Newman-sized duck is going to be significant. Also, 10 ducks means 10 turduckens. Also also, I don't want to deal with Newman-sized piles of duck crap.

MadScientistMatt
MadScientistMatt UltimaDork
12/2/21 1:58 p.m.

What if the Newman-sized duck ended up with similar muscle and bone structure to an ostrich? Yeah, I'm definitely going with the 10 duck-sized Newmans here.

JG Pasterjak
JG Pasterjak Production/Art Director
12/2/21 4:13 p.m.

Yeah but you can take on what, maybe three mini-newmans at one time? That's a lot of newmans left over to go for your soft bits.

With the big duck, it's still not going to be pretty, but at least you have the potential to dodge a bit and pick your attacks. It's going to have some straight-line speed, but they don't cut particularly well on the ground, so it's going to be a lot like a bullfight. Biggest thing you'll have to worry about it getting wing-bashed, so you'll need to leave some extra margin when he comes at you and you attempt to dodge. The goal would be to get behind him and get on his back and try to wrap the neck up, and get your legs around the body and wings. The problem there, though, is you'll never be able to contain the neck, wings and legs all at once on a duck that size, so you're going to have to get yourself in a position where he can't get the legs to you or it's going to be over in a hurry. 

Also, a Newman-sized duck is going to be considerably lighter than a Newman-sized Newman, so you'll have some mass advantage. But the legs are strong AF, so if you do manage to get on his back and get him wrapped up, you're in for a ride.

APEowner
APEowner GRM+ Memberand SuperDork
12/2/21 4:32 p.m.

I'm leaning towards a Newman sized duck.  The actual Newman is a tough and stubborn son of a gun and also pretty much solid muscle and smart as a whip.  I think even in duck size 10 of him would be formidable.

 

 

COUGAR
COUGAR PowerDork
12/2/21 6:04 p.m.

I wish I could like the Reddit thread, but for Obvious Reasons...

Woody (Forum Supportum)
Woody (Forum Supportum) GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
12/2/21 7:33 p.m.

I've gotta try that lasagna thing.

In reply to stafford1500 :

This is incredibly well thought-out.  Seems logical to me.

I reject the premise, because it's virtually impossibly for a duck of any size to have a neck as wide as Ryan Newman's.

David S. Wallens
David S. Wallens Editorial Director
12/2/21 10:09 p.m.

In reply to Woody (Forum Supportum) :

But then do you have one or two lasagnas? 

David S. Wallens
David S. Wallens Editorial Director
12/2/21 10:32 p.m.

Also, thank you Cassie for the tip. Fun on a bun. 

SKJSS (formerly Klayfish)
SKJSS (formerly Klayfish) PowerDork
12/2/21 11:10 p.m.

So exactly who's alcohol fed idea was it to equate Ryan Newman and ducks together?

David S. Wallens
David S. Wallens Editorial Director
12/2/21 11:13 p.m.
SKJSS (formerly Klayfish) said:

So exactly who's alcohol fed idea was it to equate Ryan Newman and ducks together?

Some genius. That's who. 

ProDarwin
ProDarwin MegaDork
12/2/21 11:35 p.m.

10 duck sized Ryans for sure.  Easy to dispose of.

Its like the age old question: How many 5 year olds could you take?  The answer is way higher than 10.

Woody (Forum Supportum)
Woody (Forum Supportum) GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
12/3/21 7:38 a.m.
David S. Wallens said:

In reply to Woody (Forum Supportum) :

But then do you have one or two lasagnas? 

At the end of the day, I would have less lasagna than I started with. 

Will
Will UberDork
12/3/21 8:58 a.m.

I wasn't expecting to learn Mark Martin is a Gucci Mane fan.

I need a reality show of those two hanging out.

Saron81
Saron81 HalfDork
12/3/21 10:21 a.m.

When I was about 10 years old, I wrote to all my favorite NASCAR drivers. Mark was the only one to respond, sending me autographed pictures that I still have today. He's the man. 

David S. Wallens
David S. Wallens Editorial Director
12/3/21 10:26 a.m.
Saron81 said:

When I was about 10 years old, I wrote to all my favorite NASCAR drivers. Mark was the only one to respond, sending me autographed pictures that I still have today. He's the man. 

That's all kinds of awesome. 

tuna55
tuna55 MegaDork
12/3/21 10:32 a.m.
Saron81 said:

When I was about 10 years old, I wrote to all my favorite NASCAR drivers. Mark was the only one to respond, sending me autographed pictures that I still have today. He's the man. 

This is super cool. Can you post the letter?

Saron81
Saron81 HalfDork
12/3/21 10:54 a.m.
tuna55 said:
Saron81 said:

When I was about 10 years old, I wrote to all my favorite NASCAR drivers. Mark was the only one to respond, sending me autographed pictures that I still have today. He's the man. 

This is super cool. Can you post the letter?

I'll have to do some digging... I just moved... but I think I know where it is. I'll look over the weekend! 

Paul_VR6 (Forum Supporter)
Paul_VR6 (Forum Supporter) SuperDork
12/3/21 11:06 a.m.
David S. Wallens said:

In reply to Woody (Forum Supportum) :

But then do you have one or two lasagnas? 

If you stack an infinite amount of lasagnas, you still only have one lasagna. I believe I learned this in Calc3.

Tom1200
Tom1200 UltraDork
12/3/21 11:47 a.m.

Tutti...............Nonna  will point out that Lasagna has components; which have a distinct top and bottom layer. Stacking them up is akin to staking three Ferraris on top of each other and calling it one giant Ferrari...................it disturbs me that you all didn't know this..............what kind of households were you raised in? 

Has for the duck debate..............it matters not because either way you can throw two loaves of bread on the ground, said duck(s) will be distracted long enough for you to load up the shot gun and call all your friends over for a duck roast.    

Driven5
Driven5 UberDork
12/3/21 12:49 p.m.

This is just the square-cube law as it applies to biomechanics. Ten Ryan Newmans proportionally scaled down to duck size would probably make you cry fowl, while proportionally scaling an aquatic bird up to Ryan Newman size would make it a sitting duck.

Woody (Forum Supportum)
Woody (Forum Supportum) GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
12/3/21 6:28 p.m.
Paul_VR6 (Forum Supporter) said:
David S. Wallens said:

In reply to Woody (Forum Supportum) :

But then do you have one or two lasagnas? 

If you stack an infinite amount of lasagnas, you still only have one lasagna. I believe I learned this in Calc3.

I think that this is all dependent upon whether or not the lasagnas are cooked before you begin.

Once cooked, lasagna has definitive top and bottom layers. Whereas, an uncooked lasagna is more freeform and conceptual. 

If you stack one cooked lasagna upon another, you have just that: two stacked lasagnas.

But if you place an uncooked lasagna upon another uncooked lasagna, you simply have a continuation of the original lasagna, albeit one that is destined to have an unreasonably crusty top layer, and a cold, undercooked center. It's what food scientists refer to as the Inverse McDLT Phenomenon.

Will
Will UberDork
12/3/21 6:45 p.m.

Mark signed a cap for me at Sonoma in 94, my first NASCAR race.

STM317
STM317 UberDork
12/3/21 7:06 p.m.

For reference, Newman is 5'10" and 200lbs.

Martin is about 5'6" and 150lbs.

Id take the huge, dumb duck instead of tiny Newmans Because others have already done this math, and with a Purdue engineering degree, Newman isn't exactly a dummy.

 

The real question is how did Mark answer these critical questions?

CrustyRedXpress
CrustyRedXpress HalfDork
12/4/21 3:30 p.m.

In reply to STM317 :

Ashamed I spent 5 minutes googling duck density before scrolling down to this comment. Well done.

Our Preferred Partners
zPyHY1jO19AueXWNsNfjMHcKe6Rzt5YvsMPo97uAM3FXuWwEJb9n6nMaT12aasYX