“Would you rather fight 10 duck-sized Ryan Newmans or 1 Ryan Newman-sized duck?” | Mark Martin AMA

David S.
By David S. Wallens
Dec 4, 2021 | nascar, AMA, Mark Martin, Reddit

Mark Martin has enjoyed a heck of a NASCAR career: 49 Xfinity wins, 40 Cup wins and five IROC championships. He also has five class wins at the Rolex 24 At Daytona.

Martin’s recent Reddit AMA discussed racing plus other topics. Some of our favorite questions:

  • Hey Mark, if you took two separate lasagnas and stacked them on top of each other, would you have two lasagnas or just one big lasagna?
  • Would you rather fight 10 duck sized Ryan Newman's, or 1 Ryan Newman sized duck?
  • how do you feel about the Spanish Armadas stronghold on the northern Atlantic Ocean in the 1500’s?
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Comments
David S. Wallens
David S. Wallens Editorial Director
12/2/21 12:35 p.m.

And this is why I went to journalism school. 

JG Pasterjak
JG Pasterjak Production/Art Director
12/2/21 12:38 p.m.

Take the single big duck. You're still gonna get waxed, but there's a better chance it loses interest during the beatdown once you mostly stop moving.

David S. Wallens
David S. Wallens Editorial Director
12/2/21 12:39 p.m.

In reply to JG Pasterjak :

I wonder if the big duck has the advantage of shock and awe. Or are you screwed either way? 

APEowner
APEowner GRM+ Memberand SuperDork
12/2/21 12:45 p.m.

I don't have an opinion on the Ryan Newman/duck thing but I know I wouldn't want to fight Mark Martin.  He's tiny but he's also solid muscle.  He shook my hand once and damn near broke it.

Professor_Brap (Forum Supporter)
Professor_Brap (Forum Supporter) GRM+ Memberand UberDork
12/2/21 12:47 p.m.

I'd take the 10 duck size Ryans. 

David S. Wallens
David S. Wallens Editorial Director
12/2/21 1:11 p.m.

For the duck-sized Ryan Newmans, I'm picturing something like this. Either way, frightening.

 

Tom_Spangler (Forum Supporter)
Tom_Spangler (Forum Supporter) GRM+ Memberand PowerDork
12/2/21 1:37 p.m.
JG Pasterjak said:

Take the single big duck. You're still gonna get waxed, but there's a better chance it loses interest during the beatdown once you mostly stop moving.

This guy ducks.

 

stafford1500
stafford1500 GRM+ Memberand Dork
12/2/21 1:38 p.m.

I am going to weight in and say 10-Newman sized ducks. My reasoning: Bone structure of a Newman-sized duck is going to be significant. Also, 10 ducks means 10 turduckens. Also also, I don't want to deal with Newman-sized piles of duck crap.

MadScientistMatt
MadScientistMatt UltimaDork
12/2/21 1:58 p.m.

What if the Newman-sized duck ended up with similar muscle and bone structure to an ostrich? Yeah, I'm definitely going with the 10 duck-sized Newmans here.

JG Pasterjak
JG Pasterjak Production/Art Director
12/2/21 4:13 p.m.

Yeah but you can take on what, maybe three mini-newmans at one time? That's a lot of newmans left over to go for your soft bits.

With the big duck, it's still not going to be pretty, but at least you have the potential to dodge a bit and pick your attacks. It's going to have some straight-line speed, but they don't cut particularly well on the ground, so it's going to be a lot like a bullfight. Biggest thing you'll have to worry about it getting wing-bashed, so you'll need to leave some extra margin when he comes at you and you attempt to dodge. The goal would be to get behind him and get on his back and try to wrap the neck up, and get your legs around the body and wings. The problem there, though, is you'll never be able to contain the neck, wings and legs all at once on a duck that size, so you're going to have to get yourself in a position where he can't get the legs to you or it's going to be over in a hurry. 

Also, a Newman-sized duck is going to be considerably lighter than a Newman-sized Newman, so you'll have some mass advantage. But the legs are strong AF, so if you do manage to get on his back and get him wrapped up, you're in for a ride.

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