My town of Palm Coast, Florida, is pretty much
exactly as middle-class as its well-planned
name implies. Not that it’s not a lovely place
to live, just that it’s very much a what-you-see-is-whatyou-
get sort of place.
In my immediate neighborhood–just a few blocks
away on my drive to or from work–is another middle-
class, two-car-garage, early-oughts-built house
where I frequently see the resident out in the driveway
washing, detailing, wrenching on, or otherwise
doting over his car.
Because I pass him often, he’s never surprised to see
me in the press car of the week. He always has a smile
and a thumbs-up for me, whether I’m behind the
wheel of an entry-level Hyundai or a Grey Pouponlevel Jaguar.
I was surprised, then, that it took me so long to stop
and ask him about his car.
When I finally did, I felt bad that I’d never initiated a
conversation. He spoke lovingly about the 1995 Chevy
Caprice that graced his driveway. I learned all about
the suspension mods–massive surgery, really–that it
required to accept the enormous 32-inch wheels.
He told me about all the separate stages involved
in the paint job. Alternating coats of color, clear, metalflake
and various treatments in between created an
effect that makes the Chevy look like the world’s meanest
robotic reptile.
I heard about the various upholstery techniques he
learned and assisted with in the creation of the luxurious
and–I mean this with the utmost respect–utterly
pimped-out interior.
I learned that full-sized GM cars from this generation
were referred to as “bubbles,” while the earlier
Caprices and Impalas were “boxes” because of their
more squared-off styling.
But mostly, I heard that this is a guy who completely
loves, is entirely knowledgeable about, and is totally
into his car.
But he’s not the only kindred sprit in my suburb. At
another point on my commute lies another driveway
with another beloved automobile. After my experience
with my new friend and his donked-out ride, I felt it
was my duty to reach out to this other seemingly autocrazy neighbor.
Unlike that Caprice, which you could literally have
a picnic underneath, this guy’s Acura TL was low. You
could barely slide a slice of salami under it. I learned
that the reason he always parks in the same spot in the
driveway is because it’s the only place he can get the
proper angle to clear our relatively modest driveway
gutters without sacrificing his undercarriage.
He told me about the many sets of wheels and tires
he’d experimented with to get the exact look he had in
his head into corporeal space. The current setup is as
close as he’s come to his vision. The too-narrow tires
are stretched onto too-wide wheels, and the resulting
effect leaves barely a pinkie’s width between the tire
sidewall and the fender lip. The car looks like a rolling
cartoon and is, in all likelihood, no fun at all to drive.
But you should have seen the guy’s eyes light up
when he talked about it.
To achieve his vision while still keeping this thing drivable,
he had to learn a great deal about how his car
works and how it was put together. It required extensive
suspension modification, precise wheel-and-tire combinations,
lots of research, and lots of wrenching. All on
a machine that makes him very, very happy.
After talking to these guys, I started to wonder:
At what point did we decide that our arbitrary way
of enjoying cars was somehow better or made
more sense than someone else’s arbitrary way of
enjoying cars?
When did an autocross trophy become more valuable
than a car show trophy? When did lap times
become more valuable than fun times?
Look, I’m all about the apexes and slip angles over
the big bass and hellaflush style, but let’s not kid
ourselves into believing that we have some sort of
lock on true automotive enlightenment.
So if we’re ever in a crowd and the talk turns to
derision of the “stance-tards” or the “donk-rats,”
you’ll accept my apology in advance should I choose
to take my leave of the conversation.
I’d rather go hang out with people who
like cars, too.
Comments
daeman
Reader
6/25/15 3:33 p.m.
Yeah, took me a long time to realise that a genuine enthusiast with a car not to my taste doesn't make them lesser or stupid... Hard work is hard work and should be appreciated for what it is.
Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder and if we all shared the same vision and interpretation of what makes an awesome car, itd make for a very boring car scene indeed.
Do I love all car scenes equally... definitely not.
Can I respect the time, efforts and love that's gone into making a car what it is, absolutely.
Hal
SuperDork
6/25/15 3:36 p.m.
I agree 100%. Next door is a 944 S2 track car complete with cage, etc.. Across the street the kid has a lifted XJ with big tires and a fresh coat of mud every weekend.
But the best is the old mechanic at the end of the block. When his old faded blue late 70's F series truck goes by the rumble from the side exhausts will rattle the windows. And then you hear the whine of the supercharger on the 460 he stuffed in there.
I think I need to move to a different neighborhood. All my neighbors have destroyed Camrys, Accords and such.
Oh my god.................. I am the old mechanic at the end of the block
RossD
PowerDork
6/25/15 3:49 p.m.
I'm very much a Form Follows Function kind of guy, but when your function is to make a statement or to have a certain look... I usually have to tell myself; self, it's no different.
Donks are funny. 30 inch rims on a car with captain crunch painted on it? I approve.
My friend Kwame is really into the donk scene. He claims he was the first person to put 26" on a Caprice. He has a few donked out G-Bodies with crazy nice paint and mint custom interior. He does his own work and uses actual engineering to design his suspension. He actually owns a Rim and body shop in Virginia. He's not the most well spoken, and has a bit too many gold teeth, and pretty damn obnoxious but he's passionate and great at what he does to these cars. Before donk's he was into the slammed mini truck scene. Also, he's one of the funniest people I've meet.
Good for them. There are a lot of automotive scenes that I would never be involved in but I can definitely appreciate the hard work and efforts that people put in to their rides. Just the fact that they are doing something with their cars is cool. Just like last night, I spent 30 minutes talking to a guy that built old school low riders. I appreciated the work and the detail in the car but I would never own one.
kanaric wrote:
Donks are funny. 30 inch rims on a car with captain crunch painted on it? I approve.
i had cap'n crunch for dinner the last 2 nights, i approve
I can appreciate good, sound engineering, whether it be on a donked B Body, lowered Acura, or a lowrider.
The only thing that grinds my gears are demolition derbies* and car guys who bite off more than they can chew and let classics rot, offering to anyone who'll listen their sad tale of how one day they'll get to it.
*Unless it involves most domestic products from 97-05. I'm looking at you, GM N-bodies.
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