Dumbest thing you've heard

Being a "Car Person" can be difficult sometimes. I have to hold back sometimes from backhanding ignorant people who claim to know car facts.

One kid told me his stock Mazda MX-6 with rims could go 219 MPH.

Once I was reading a magazine with an article on a guy who owned 3 De Tomasso Panteras, a guy looked at the photo in the mag and said, "COOL, Is that a Porshhh?"

One guy told me that his new Smart Car was a hybrid

Someone once asked me if my Triumph TR-7 was a Ferrari. (as if the BRG/Buiscuit weren't enough to tell him otherwise)

I had a kid tell me that his dream car was a Porsche 911 Turbo. knowing that I had a doofus on my hands, I asked him if he knew how many cylinders it had. He said, "Dunno, it's really fast though, so it must have like 12"

another guy told me that his Chevy Cavalier was so fast because he raced it on the street and beat a guy in a Mitsu Lancer. I just rolled my eyes and walked away.

This could be a neverending thread.

We could start with the basics...here's one:

"How fast does it go?" (As they look at the speedometer).

My story:

Washing the Boxster at a drive thru car wash one night (Yea, mistake no.1, but I didn't use the brush):

A few teenagers pull up, get out and start looking at the car. "That thing costs like Two hundred thousand dollars doesn't it?" I set them straight, but got kinda nervous after they left.

Years ago I had a car salesman ask me if my TR4A was an automatic because it had an A on the end of it....

I talked to another guy once that swore that the goverment mandated that all cars be able to go the speed that was written on the speedometer. He insisted that his car would go 150mph ( I forget what it was), but was probably more than likely in the 115-120mph grouping.

Most people thought my old Alfa Spider was a Fiat due to the "F" emblem on the side. (Pinninfarina) Except for one HS girl that told me she loved my Porsche. Along the same lines, more than once I had people ask me "who makes it" when I told them it was an Alfa Romeo.

"Is it fast?"

My standard response: "Compared to what? In what situation? Being driven by who?"

In regard to a Fiat X1/9: "Is that a Datsun 240Z?"

Every kid in my school:

"Jeff Gordon's car can go 400mph because that's what the speedometer says."

"My car goes faster because it has six gears."

"That's a really fast car" Then they point out the fart can.

There is also an orange and yellow Eclipse with fart can, 21" wheels, etc. The kid rearranged a few "eclipse" badges to say "spicie."

Oh your God... (Bender reference)

The E36 M3 you hear owning a cop car...

• Is that a 460?

• 4Bbl carburetor and no cats right?

• Those have a blower right?

• Does it still have the police chip that makes it 400HP/Go 200MPH/Drive upside down/get 50MPG?

• Is it a 5.4/DOHC/302/351?

• Are you a cop? (Got that one at least a dozen times at a car show on Sunday, keep in mind I have long Rock Star hair and a goatee most goats would kill for...)

• Did you add the numbers on the roof?

Most of the 30 kids (I refuse to call the rest of the 20 year old people in my class adults, as I have never heard a mature conversation come out of their collective mouth and they seem to have zilch for life experience) now know that I am into stage rally. I've tried a couple of times to explain to people, but they just don't really get it (you drive a Subaru??!!! yes, but you can rally anything I've gone rallying before on gravel roads yeesh).

In our Effective Communications course, we are doing an oral presentation on whatever we want (me: Stage Rally). I hope I'll be able to get something through to them. Of course, there are either the people that think it is wicked cool (and I thank them for the encouragement) or the retarded alpha-male types who are now also doing a presentation on cars (one guy chose to do "why german cars are the best" or something like that, I would not doubt because I wore my Das Autohouse shirt to school the other day).

looking at an SVO Mustang talking to his buddy walking to his car in the AZ parking lot "thats a svt mustang, its got a supercharged DOHC BMW motor in it."

• I dream of owning a Lamborghini cause I love everything that comes from France • Esprit (the clothing company) manufacturers clothes and Lotus. • His Supra is soooo fast..... it has 4 turbos! • My RX7 came with the factory Hi-Po V8. • The radiator in my VW Bug burst. • Its a GTI VR4" • (car salesman telling me trying to sell me an IS300) The transmission transfers power from the wheel that slips, to the wheel that grips. • Monroe Sensatrac's are better than Koni's.

Like jamscal said, this could be a never ending thread.

ha ^ that is hillarious.

oh, I heard someone saying about an RX-7 the other day at a show, "those are really slow, they only have 2 cylinders"

People who can't understand why anyone in their right mind would want a Miata.

People who call me an idiot when I tell them that a Lotus has a Toyota four cylinder.

mtn wrote: People who can't understand why anyone in their right mind would want a Miata.

Actually, on second thought... Nobody on this board is in their right mind.

"It's got turbo in it!" - owner of an early '90s Chevy Lumina or something that definately was not equipped with any kind of forced induction. The only explanation I can think of is that he was referring to this.

J

Jay wrote: "It's got turbo in it!" - owner of an early '90s Chevy Lumina or something that definately was not equipped with any kind of forced induction. The only explanation I can think of is that he was referring to this. J

Not a lumina, but maybe they meant this: https://pontiworld.com.au/gtaemblems/images/GPturbo-Red.jpg

Joey

Actually, on second thought... Nobody on this board is in their right mind.

Im left handed, doesnt that make me in my right mind?

while in the 924..." WOW, thats an awesome Mazda.. " "that must cost more than my house".. if they only knew they could buy a mint one for less than the price of the 20" wheels theyre rolling on, theyd probably puke.. ;) .

"that thing must be FAST... " (itll beat a bicycle!)

P71 wrote: and a goatee most goats would kill for...)

One of my favorites was from a good friend of mine, kinda feel bad for making fun of him when he is not around on it... but it was too good.

He had a 944 that had no air filter when he bought it... He had been driving around with it like that for a few days, and I was talking to him about how he should hurry up and get one for it

Him: "I know I have an K&N drop in on order... I can't wait to see how it feels with it, it should add like 15hp!"

Me: Uhhh... the only way they add power is by acting as less of a restriction for air coming in, you cant get much less restrictive then having nothing there... IF it does do ANYTHING it would make the car slower. And even over a regular filter its giving you no where near 15hp..."

Him: "That's what the box said..."

Once I was at a wedding, and the band played a song named "Take Five". The male half of the couple we were with insisted it was called the "Baby Elephant Walk". Ridiculous.

I had a plain old '71 Dodge Charger, huge boat with a 318 2 bbl. It needed plugs, plug wires etc when I got it. I was doing all this in my parent's front yard and one of my brother's friends walked up and was making conversation. He looked in the engine compartment and said 'Man, that's a huge camshaft'. I suppose he had X ray vision.

Conversation during the Votech welding class last night: "You have a racecar? How fast does it go? How much money can you win?"

(I race a friggin' Spec Miata, fer chrissake. There are mopeds that will dust it in a straight line, and I'll win more money plaing the lottery, but I indulge them and give the standard answers.)

"179 MPH, and enough money so that I can pay for it all."

(I gotta get a better answer for the money thing.)

joey48442 wrote:

Jay wrote: "It's got turbo in it!" - owner of an early '90s Chevy Lumina or something that definately was not equipped with any kind of forced induction. The only explanation I can think of is that he was referring to this. J

Not a lumina, but maybe they meant this: https://pontiworld.com.au/gtaemblems/images/GPturbo-Red.jpg Joey

The emblem goes on these:

and

There was the guy who talked enthusiastically to me for 10 minutes about the MGB he used to own just like mine. We were standing next to my Fiat 124.

As you can imagine, there are no end to the inane comments you get while owning a Mini, but that is actually part of the car's entertainment value. The best one so far I got while stopped at a gas station. I'm pumping a whole 5 gallons into the tank and this young couple cruises up in a cute ute. I should have seen it coming....

"Is that an electric car?"

Yep. I'm just refilling the batteries with this here electricity pump. Here's your sign.

I've gotten a few odd questions about the windows in my SVX;

• How did you make the windows like that??

• Does the top part slide up?

People guessing the year of my Mustang, as in "'67, right?". Why does every ignoramus in the world think a '65 Mustang is a '67? They never guess anything else, just '67! Oh, and the inevitable response to my TVR - Them - "Is that a Triumph?"
Me - "No, it's a TVR 2500M". Then one of two responses:
1 - "But it's made by Triumph, right?" 2 - "But who makes it?" Me - "Triumph."

My ebrake let go one night in my old apartment complex, so my car rolled out and blocked everyone from getting in and out of the little lot my building was in.

Got a knock at the door, the maintanence man is standing there.

"You own that black Supra out there?"

"uhhh....... don't know? Let me go check."

"Yeah, that car, the black supra."

"yes SIR!!! That my Supra all right!"

"I've always wanted one, is it fast?"

"Sure! I ran a 9 second quarter mile on Tuesday, it was spinning the front tires through the eighth mile!!"

If I could only remember it all...I try to forget all that stuff because it makes me want to go on a shooting spree.

Typical American response to finding out about my car: "OMG FWD and only 4cylinders that totally sucks you should sell it for scrap!!!!1"

Typical general-purpose idiot response: "OMG that's so old you needs a new car!!!!1 Don't you like the (insert E36 M3ty, extremely overrated new pseudo-sports car here?)"

• "No it's heavy and (insert plethora of design mistakes here) and ugly as homemade soap"

• (Insert bewildered look here)

Worst of all is the crap you hear when people find out, against your best efforts, that you race your car.

"ZOMG THATS SO DANGEROUS!!!1!1ONE"

"How much money can you win?"

"So what kind of race car do you have? You race the car you drive!?!? This does not compute!!!! "

"Do you have a supercharger or a turbocharger or NAWZ? (insert sad look when I tell them no)"

Also this is the worst thing of all to hear when someone hits your car. I haven't heard it myself but if this happens to me, I may kill the person with my bare hands:

"Chill dude it's just an old car, jeez..."