Guest Blog: An Open Letter to LGBTQ Car Enthusiasts

wannacruise said:

My opinion is that this article didn't need to be written.  We car people are interested in cars. Making them unique, pretty, ugly, fast or different but its all about the cars.  You can come to any car group and do the same.  But don't try to force you personal living habits into the open and then insist that everyone else is suppose to embrace you and your habits.  I don't come to car events or an public event and parade around demonstrating my particular habits with my wife.  I come to car events to enjoy cars not living habits.  You should do the same and you can enjoy the cars as much as anyone.     

You know......  LGBTQ folks aren't trying to force anything on you, nor are they coming to car events to "parade around" or demonstrate "particular habits" with their partner.

If you're at a track day or an autocross or whatever and you're feeling uncomfortable around someone, just keep to yourself.  I'm happy to help the folks who aren't the stereotypical "car guy" feel welcome.

wannacruise said:

My opinion is that this article didn't need to be written.  We car people are interested in cars. Making them unique, pretty, ugly, fast or different but its all about the cars.  You can come to any car group and do the same.  But don't try to force you personal living habits into the open and then insist that everyone else is suppose to embrace you and your habits.  I don't come to car events or an public event and parade around demonstrating my particular habits with my wife.  I come to car events to enjoy cars not living habits.  You should do the same and you can enjoy the cars as much as anyone.     

Translation:  come to car stuff but don't be yourself so I don't have to be uncomfortable 

wannacruise said:

My opinion is that this article didn't need to be written. 

I think the rest of your post demonstrates exactly why the article needed to be written.

The great fallacy we keep seeing over and over again is the idea that we must agree or accept the ideas, behaviors, tastes, traits, preferences, opinions, lifestyles, etc. of others in order to get along with one another or welcome them into our circle of friends. Sure similar values and ideas may make it easier, but it's not mandatory.  You can disagree with without being disagreeable, and "disagree" does not automatically equal "hate."  I disagree with some of the values, beliefs, habits, and past times of many of my friends and some of my family, but that doesn't mean I don't value their friendship or love them as friends and family. Agreement is not a prerequisite to inclusion. Inclusion is about getting along, working together, playing together, serving together, etc despite our differences. 

It is sad that so many people are still stuck in a high school mentality deriving their own worth and the worth of others by the labels they wear: jock, prep, stoner, nerd, goth, racial labels, sexual labels, blue collar, white collar, elite, boomer, millenial, progressive, conservative, gear head, rice boy, and on and on.  The labels be dammed!  Who am I? I'm just me and I like building stuff.  Who are you? Tell me your name, tell me what brings you here. Leave the labels behind; they're not required for admission. 

wannacruise said:

My opinion is that this article didn't need to be written.  We car people are interested in cars. Making them unique, pretty, ugly, fast or different but its all about the cars.  You can come to any car group and do the same.  But don't try to force you personal living habits into the open and then insist that everyone else is suppose to embrace you and your habits.  I don't come to car events or an public event and parade around demonstrating my particular habits with my wife.  I come to car events to enjoy cars not living habits.  You should do the same and you can enjoy the cars as much as anyone.     

A post like this is part of the reason the article was written. You can agree that everyone should be welcome and it doesn't cost you a thing. 

In reply to wannacruise :

I have to admit I'm a bit disappointed, but ultimately I'm glad you posted.  For a couple of reasons.  First, an echo chamber doesn't really help the discussion that much.  Widespread support for a concept is great, but silent minorities tend not to learn very much.  Second and more importantly, your argument is a great example of the problem at hand.  It is a thinly veiled denial of even the existence of LGBT people wrapped in a strawman argument.  What exactly do you think they're doing in public that you and your wife are not?  Being visible? 

Humans like to label things. Not saying it's right, but it's what we do.

This quote is the attitude that needs adjusting with many people:

But don't try to force you personal living habits into the open and then insist that everyone else is suppose to embrace you and your habits.  I don't come to car events or an public event and parade around demonstrating my particular habits with my wife.  I come to car events to enjoy cars not living habits.  You should do the same and you can enjoy the cars as much as anyone.     

It is tremendously sad that when some people think "LGBT" their mind immediately goes to sex and nothing more substantial. Yes, we have sex like you have sex with your wife. Get over it. We also have jobs, get married, have kids, buy homes, work on project cars, etc.

If we're looking for car events to be more inclusive, it's because we want to show up with our boyfriends, husbands, girlfriends and wives JUST LIKE YOU DO and have people treat us the exact same way that you expect to be treated. This is in no way "forcing personal living habits" on anyone.  This is simply me being me much as you are being you. When you show up to Cars & Coffee with your wife, does my mind immediately go to "wow I bet they have a lot of great times in the bedroom!" - jesus no. I probably want to learn her name, background, hobbies, interests, job, and so on because I recognize that she's important to you and should be included and made to feel welcome at these events. That's all we want and it's so sad that some feel this is simply too difficult or disgusting a request to honor.

I fail to see how a request for equal treatment is so hard to comprehend but there's always a few people with this useless, narrow, disappointment of an attitude. The great news is there is less and less room for it as society marches on.

-------

(Shameless plug: if you think equality is simple and LGBT+ folks should be encouraged to attend car events as their authentic selves, go follow Out Motorsports on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube. Feedback is indicating we are making a difference with that exact mission, and the more support, the better.)

wannacruise said:

My opinion is that this article didn't need to be written.  We car people are interested in cars. Making them unique, pretty, ugly, fast or different but its all about the cars.  You can come to any car group and do the same.  But don't try to force you personal living habits into the open and then insist that everyone else is suppose to embrace you and your habits.  I don't come to car events or an public event and parade around demonstrating my particular habits with my wife.  I come to car events to enjoy cars not living habits.  You should do the same and you can enjoy the cars as much as anyone.     

You do know you're that 10% they were talking about right?

The great thing about cars is they're a universal language that can transcend all the labels, but "car guy/girl" is a label too.  I'm fine with that label, that's my label and I own it.  I have friends who are staunchly anti-car and think anything but public transit and bicycles is evil.  We get along just fine.  What we can't do is whitewash everything by taking away someone's right to own their own label.  You shouldn't have to  just shove yourself in a closet and go out and pretend you're not who you are, we as a society have forced this upon the LGBTQ+ demographic forever.  

Even if you don't agree with the labeL, LOVE AND ACCEPT THE PERSON AS A HUMAN BEING

I judge a person by how they treat people and animals. If you are kind and have empathy, then what you look like or do will not bother me.

I will call out someone's behavior that goes against this. You can't stay silent - that just implies it's ok.

wannacruise said:

MrFancyPants wrote: 

, just keep to yourself.  

That's my very point.

 

 

 

 

So that should everyone just keep to themselves, or just the ones that you think are "forcing" you to accept them?  Not sure what you point is.

All this time I never realized Nicole and I were "tring to force our personal living habits into the open and then insist that everyone else is suppose to embrace us and our habits!"

I'm really, really sorry everybody! We never meant to tell anybody to accept us as your equals or friends! Our bad! 

In reply to Tom Suddard :

On the bright side, just by going somewhere together you are "prancing," so you can mark that off your bucket list.

Margie

In reply to Tom Suddard :

Never saw that happening for you. Congrats!

Marjorie Suddard said:

In reply to Tom Suddard :

On the bright side, just by going somewhere together you are "prancing," so you can mark that off your bucket list.

Margie

Wait - now I'm confused. Are we "parading" or "prancing" when we go somewhere? My wife can confirm I do have particular habits, though! 

It's amazing to me that so many people can't grasp that people just want to be themselves when they go to do car things with their car friends. They aren't asking for much. Yet we still have to argue about it. 

wannacruise said:

But don't try to force you personal living habits into the open and then insist that everyone else is suppose to embrace you and your habits.

wannacruise said:

MrFancyPants wrote: 

, just keep to yourself.  

That's my very point.

Others have addressed your comment in more nuance than I will, but let me ask you this:

If the OP comes to the car meet in that awesome little black dress instead of Dad Jorts and some brilliant white New Balances, is that what you mean by forcing their personal living habits into the open?

If so, please stop forcing your acid-washed denim lifestyle on the rest of us.

wannacruise said:

I come to car events to enjoy cars not living habits.   

So maybe you should enjoy the damn cars and quit worrying about how other people dress.

Sad that we can't parade our preferences around at motorsports events anymore.

Even sadder we're probably going to lose that big ad contract from Tried Some Butt Stuff and a Ball Gag Once Just to Keep it Interesting Motorsport Engineering. The TSBSaaBGOJtKiIME crew are good folks.

JG Pasterjak said:

Even sadder we're probably going to lose that big ad contract from Tried Some Butt Stuff and a Ball Gag Once Just to Keep it Interesting Motorsport Engineering. The TSBSaaBGOJtKiIME crew are good folks.

Hey man I'm not here to yuck your yum.

Woooooo 3g prelude!!!

I love this place. 

wannacruise said:

My opinion is that this article didn't need to be written.  We car people are interested in cars. Making them unique, pretty, ugly, fast or different but its all about the cars.  You can come to any car group and do the same.  But don't try to force you personal living habits into the open and then insist that everyone else is suppose to embrace you and your habits.  I don't come to car events or an public event and parade around demonstrating my particular habits with my wife.  I come to car events to enjoy cars not living habits.  You should do the same and you can enjoy the cars as much as anyone.     

You know, we all have habits that you don't know about that might make your blood boil or your skin crawl.  The fact that you place specific concern on this one is the very reason the article needs to be written.

I have known people my whole life and I find out that they are [insert something unsavory] and I don't really give it a second thought.  I value the important and meaningful exchanges we've had for the last 40 years.  If I discover that a friend I've known forever likes kiddie porn, I don't abandon the lifetime of memories and love we shared, I give him/her a pamphlet on why it's bad and illegal, then I bake a file into a cake when he/she is in jail.  That's what friends do.

I would hate to think that a pre-judgement about someone because of their sexual preference could instantly eliminate the possibility of someone becoming an enriching part of my life.  I don't judge you for your personal living habits.  Strange that you would judge mine, and strange that you would consider the mere existence of an LGBTQ person simply being present in public is equivalent to them forcing "you[r] personal living habits into the open and insist everyone else is suppose[d] to embrace you..."

Dude.  It isn't about you.  Unless you have an irrational fear of gays.  In that case, I have a pamphlet for you.