Coined phrases

"Sweating like a whore in church".

"Tighter'n a Nun's butt".

Be careful where these are applied.....

"The more I learn, the less I know" which is interchangeable with "Only stupid people think they know everything". These are both referring to the fact that anytime you learn something new you realize their is yet another vast field of knowledge in which you are just a poorly educated amateur.

on my tool box at work.... "(my company's name)" policy... if it ain't broke, then fix it 'til it is

If at first you don't succeed....

get a bigger hammer.

skydiving ain't for you.

keep suckin 'till you do.

"Show me them turtles"

-really funny because my friend's I-phone constantly auto-changes titties into turtles. For some reason.

"Can I get a Hetfield?"

As in Jame Hetfield of Metallica.

The response is throwing the devil horns and;

"Yeah-ee-yea-ah!"

"I'm not looking at you, I'm looking through you."

"Don't polish the cow!"

I know 100% that is all mine, well my Mother's actually. I've always been slightly OCD, and one time when I was young'n, I was asked to clean the kitchen up. I went about cleaning and 2 hours later my Mother was curious where I was and she found me still in the kitchen. To her eyes I had barely gotten anything done. But there was a brass bull head that the cooking aprons hung on, and boy was that thing blinding! And did it all with a Brillo pad, soap water, and a dish rag. So from then on when ever my Mom would catch me spending too much time on some little detail, she would simply say "Don't polish the cow". And it kind of caught on from there.

"we're not happy, 'till you're not happy"

"Can't fix stupid"
Say this all the time at work.

Grandpa's, when trying to get a family vacation on the road:

"And we're off like a herd of turtles!"

I was real proud when a fellow I trained years ago threw a few of my phrases back at me as being helpful. His favorite was "If you try to save the world, the rest of the world will make it your responsibility" That was my Superman theory.

It was our way of saying "build the team"

mtn wrote: Grandpa's, when trying to get a family vacation on the road: "And we're off like a herd of turtles!"

Mine was always

We're off like a terd of hurtles!

"Boxed in like a turttles pecker"

I was soon given my first lesson in what is not acceptable for broadcast over the company radios.

Veal: It tastes so cute.

Upon hearing a crunch from a poorly shifted manual transmission: 'If ya can't find 'em, grind 'em. They'll make 'em out of rubber next year.'

Recently, on the GTX list, one of the guys started a thread with "I will hear about this...but 'gals' tend to be more likely to ride the clutch and abuse the brakes." Some guys jumped in to agree, others jumped in to say that some of the best car drivers/maintainers they know are women. I think I've ended the thread, though, by contributing:

"It's not about penis or vagina, it's about common sense, and let's face it, most people don't have it. :D"

This thread is nuttier than squirrel crap!

'Common sense is anything but'.

I like my women like I like my coffee....ground up and in the freezer.

psteav wrote: I like my women like I like my coffee....ground up and in the freezer.

covered in bees!

damn I hate bees (wasps anyway) gutting grass this morning and disturbed an underground nest .... don't they realize that this is my property and they live only with my permission ? two stings.. they all will die tonight when they think they're safe in their nest..

thread jack over ... pls continue

While I was the sports car club race director, the stock car club secretary, racing both circle track and road race, running a business, married with two daughters:
"It takes a lot of work to lead an interesting life."

Not mine, but the best I've heard lately:

"Well, what you have to understand here is that 50% of people are dumber than the other 50%." Poignant.

There IS a reason Mensa hasn't called you.