Daughter is off to University

We dropped number 1 Daughter off at university today. I explained to her that in the animal kingdom if the young try to return to the den the parents eat them.

That might backfire on you. There are horrid things called hipsters now.

I was first to leave. They threw my E36 M3 in a box and had a party because they had finally reached the stage when kids would be leaving home. Then my brother left. Then my sister. By the time my second sister left they cried and kept her room preserved as a shrine to parent/child relationships. The last one, my youngest brother, is still there. He's 31.
I hope she does well at school. Waterloo by any chance?

Being that its at Universirty, I hope the animal kingdom discussion includied some other traits of the animal kingdom regarding males.

My younger brother drove out to college (6 hours away) for his junior year two weeks ago, and this weekend my parents moved my older brother from 8 hours away to 13 hours away to his new job. I live 2 hours away from them, and sometimes that feels too far.

Dad sent us this article about a week ago.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/michael-gerson-saying-goodbye-to-my-child-the-youngster/2013/08/19/6337802e-08dd-11e3-8974-f97ab3b3c677_story.html

Saying goodbye to my child, the youngster

By Michael Gerson, Published: August 19

Eventually, the cosmologists assure us, our sun and all suns will consume their fuel, violently explode and then become cold and dark. Matter itself will evaporate into the void and the universe will become desolate for the rest of time.

This was the general drift of my thoughts as my wife and I dropped off my eldest son as a freshman at college. I put on my best face. But it is the worst thing that time has done to me so far. That moment at the dorm is implied at the kindergarten door, at the gates of summer camp, at every ritual of parting and independence. But it comes as surprising as a thief, taking what you value most.

The emotions of a parent, I can attest, are an odd mix: part pride, part resignation, part self-pity, even a bit of something that feels like grief. The experience is natural and common. And still planets are thrown off their axes.

Our ancestors actually thought this parting should take place earlier. Many societies once practiced “extrusion,” in which adolescents were sent away to live with friends or relatives right after puberty. This was supposed to minimize the nasty conflicts that come from housing teenagers and their parents in close proximity. Some non-human primates have a similar practice, forcibly expelling adolescents from the family group.

Fat lot did our ancestors know. Eighteen years is not enough. A crib is bought. Christmas trees get picked out. There is the park and lullabies and a little help with homework. The days pass uncounted, until they end. The adjustment is traumatic. My son is on the quiet side — observant, thoughtful, a practitioner of companionable silence. I’m learning how empty the quiet can be.

I know this is hard on him as well. He will be homesick, as I was (intensely) as a freshman. An education expert once told me that among the greatest fears of college students is they won’t have a room at home to return to. They want to keep a beachhead in their former life.

But with due respect to my son’s feelings, I have the worse of it. I know something he doesn’t — not quite a secret, but incomprehensible to the young. He is experiencing the adjustments that come with beginnings. His life is starting for real. I have begun the long letting go. Put another way: He has a wonderful future in which my part naturally diminishes. I have no possible future that is better without him close.

There is no use brooding about it. I’m sure my father realized it at a similar moment. And I certainly didn’t notice or empathize. At first, he was a giant who held my hand and filled my sky. Then a middle-aged man who paid my bills. Now, decades after his passing, a much-loved shadow. But I can remember the last time I hugged him in the front hallway of his home, where I always had a room. It is a memory of warmth. I can only hope to leave my son the same.

Parenthood offers many lessons in patience and sacrifice. But ultimately, it is a lesson in humility. The very best thing about your life is a short stage in someone else’s story. And it is enough.

The end of childhood, of course, can be the start of adult relationships between parents and children that are rewarding in their own way. I’m anxious to befriend my grown sons. But that hasn’t stopped the random, useless tears. I was cautioned by a high-powered Washington foreign policy expert that he had been emotionally debilitated for weeks after dropping off his daughter at college for the first time. So I feel entitled to a period of brooding.

The cosmologists, even with all their depressing talk about the eventual heat death of the cosmos, offer some comfort. They point out that we live in the briefest window — a fraction of a fraction of the unimaginable vastness of deep time — in which it is physically possible for life to exist. So we inhabit (or are chosen to inhabit) an astounding, privileged instant in the life span of the universe.

Well, 18 years is a window that closed too quickly. But, my son, those days have been the greatest wonder and privilege of my life. And there will always be a room for you.

Axis? Not axes.... Silly proofreader.

Oh, and I can see how it sneaks up. It seems like my wife and i got married last year but I think it has been eleven now.

mazdeuce wrote: I was first to leave. They threw my E36 M3 in a box and had a party because they had finally reached the stage when kids would be leaving home. Then my brother left. Then my sister. By the time my second sister left they cried and kept her room preserved as a shrine to parent/child relationships. The last one, my youngest brother, is still there. He's 31. I hope she does well at school. Waterloo by any chance?

Nope. She decided to go to her "safety school" Trent. She wanted to be close enough to home that she could still ride her horses on the weekends. I guess that's as good a reason as any to pick a school.

College age daughter you say?

Just the idea of having a daughter terrifies me, much less one old enough to be leaving home.

Good luck. If she tries to drop out or doesn't like it, don't let her. If my parents would've kept my ass in school I'd have a PHD by now, multiple times over. Nothing more annoying than being almost 28 with about 6 credits that are worth anything.

My son is 17 and looking at schools for next year. I want him to go away, but not too far, 3 or 4 hours max., so "in case of emergency" I can get to him. I know that's just my paternal instinct talking bs. Makes me sad to think its almost time to let go completely.

Mental wrote: Being that its at Universirty, I hope the animal kingdom discussion includied some other traits of the animal kingdom regarding males.

Exactly. I knew of a guy that actually cut a hole in his mattress.

When i went off the school, I packed my stuff in the car I bought and drove myself. None of the whole getting the familly to take ??? off to school. Moving my daughter liked to kill me.

Dropped Katie off at college weekend before last, and Tommy went the week before. Tommy took himself, being the jaded Sophomore, but we drove Katie up with her mountains of room stuff. Tim asked if she was planning to come home Labor Day weekend and she said, "No! Why?" like he'd just asked if she were planning any trips to the moon. He explained that we were going to be away the next 2 weekends after that, and she hugged him and said, "Have fun."

I mourned for a day, then I woke up the next day and realized they're both less than an hour away whenever I want to see them, and Tommy's commuting back to the office once a week this semester... all is good.

It does, indeed, somehow sneak up on you, though. I like the writer's description of it feeling like the cruelest thing yet time has done to you, but I have to say, I am enjoying cruising along with Tim in the Shelby this week. Time can eat it.

Margie

Speaking from the child's view, it is one of the hardest things I've had to do. But it opened up a new relationship with my parents, especially with my dad. When I was in high school, we could barely stand to be in the same room together (I'm exaggerating). It took about 2 weeks of college before we became friends. Now I can honestly say that he is my best friend, outside of my girlfriend.

The only thing worse than having a kid go off to school and start their life is to have them NOT do it. I have people, in their 40's, come to my shop quite regularly and have their parents kick in on a repair bill.

I hope those people eventually starve.

And to anybody who is considering Trent vs. Waterloo... Here's another vote for Trent. Our older son went there, and had a very good experience. They really do seem to be run BY human beings FOR human beings.

Besides, you might see Lesley hammering out of town in a Bugatti or something.

Marjorie Suddard wrote: Time can eat it.

Succinct and eloquent.

We are empty nesters as of Monday. It's starting to grow on us quite quickly. It was hard on Mrs. Jack to leave our son (the baby) on the other side of the country; upstate NY, then two weeks later watch his big sister get on a plane for Europe for an exchange semester, but she is doing better every day.

We hope to take a short driving camping trip in the TR3, to the Northern Cascades this month (no snide jokes please, we pack light) and get on with this new stage in our life. Tim, you will enjoy (have enjoyed) the ID/MT/WY mountains immensely. Maybe now we'll have the time to join you guys. Oh wait, there isn't any money for another four years.

Jack

I'm two down and two to go. SWMBO hates it when they leave. I'm kind of looking forward to when the other two grow up.

They went to Canada with the grandparents for a month this summer. I though it was great. Peace and quiet is a good thing.

Just to make things easier for you: