Dealing with Anxiety

The short:

I have been dealing with anxiety issues for the better part of a year now. Dr. diagnosed me with "generalized anxiety disorder". I'm looking for any advice people have on managing Anxiety. It is causing me unhappiness and elevating my blood pressure to an unhealthy level. Work was the major cause of this, and being unemployed isn't helping.

The background:

The main source of my stress has been work. Losing my job didn't help. After my last Dr. appointment, I'd seriously considered telling work to just berkeley off, so I could relax, take care of myself, and get my health back in order. Now that I'm freed of work, I can't seem to relax. A month ago, I would have welcomed the free time to just get up on my time, cook hot breakfast, practice skating, play video games, and do some clean up/organizing around the house. Now that I have that, I feel guilty about it.

I really don't have major things to worry about now. The baroness is perfectly happy, money is not a concern, and I have some very good job prospects. Some people who know business approaching me to be the head brewer/brewmaster for a concept they're putting together (sorry, NDA prevents me disclosing more details). I am getting out and exercising pretty much every day; making real improvements on my skating and learning to skateboard and play golf.

I wanted to be free of that job. Everyone I've talked to who knows what was going on has told me that I'm better off. It opened up the opportunity for me to be involved in discussions on this new project or to search for other opportunities freely.

Going forward:

Everything is lined up so I should be happy and relieved of my stress, and yet I'm not. Intellectually, I'm not really worried. But emotionally I'm on a roller coaster. I'm trying to understand why, and what to do about it. I feel like there is something more I should be doing, but I know there isn't.

The best thing I can do is just use some this time and freedom as the vacation I have been sorely needing for a year and a half now. I should re-center myself emotionally and get to a place where I can look forward to what I want to do with a clear head. Rather than being stuck worrying about the past or stressing about what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm just not sure how to get myself there mentally/emotionally and allow myself the freedom to enjoy where I'm at so that I can do my best work when I move forward.

I wish I could help you today.

But for the future job- do not let it take advantage of you. Whatever it was that caused the stress- you should be proactive in making sure that you don't get led down that path again. Point out that it would be a bad investment to hire you only to force you to leave due to health problems a few years later- makes the whole job kind of pointless in the end to the company. If they are hiring you- it's in their best interest to keep you happy and healthy for their bottom line.

Remember that.

To note: I'm not doing any self destructive behaviors. I'm not drinking any more than I was when I was working. I might be drinking even less. Certainly less than I did when I taught. No drugs. No gambling or looking for affairs or things like that. The riskiest thing I'm doing is the skating/skateboarding, which I always wear protective gear for.

Consider giving up drinking for the time being. I've seen family with anxiety, and the drinking makes it worse. It is a band aid, and underneath the wound festers. If you need to keep at it to keep up with your career, do it like a wine-tasting.

Oh, and what the hell are you doing taking up golf? Golf is another stressor. Believe me, I caddied for 10 years and still am an avid golfer. It doesn't help with the stress. (Joking. That is a joke. But don't take it too seriously and don't spend too much on the equipment--buy used!)

You may want to see a professional - there are some things we just can't fix ourselves, this could be one of them.

Some people might try to tell you to stop feeling guilty. Yeah, like you hadn't already thought of that.

Don't let anyone try to tell you that having feelings is wrong or means you have some disorder. Having feelings means you are human and admitting it means you are honest. Embrace the fact that you have feelings, that they make you better, let them be part of your decision making process, and know that you are doing the best with what you got.

alfadriver wrote: I wish I could help you today. But for the future job- do not let it take advantage of you. Whatever it was that caused the stress- you should be proactive in making sure that you don't get led down that path again. Point out that it would be a bad investment to hire you only to force you to leave due to health problems a few years later- makes the whole job kind of pointless in the end to the company. If they are hiring you- it's in their best interest to keep you happy and healthy for their bottom line. Remember that.

Yes. Fortunately, these people seem to understand that. Finding the right fit of management team is a big lesson I've learned. One of the guys I've been talking to about handling unemployment, and he isn't able to help because the company he currently runs... has never lost an employee (aside from retirement). This is a guy a want to work for/with.

The former boss was the major problem. He has a track record and reputation for royally pissing people off to the point where they refuse to work with him.

All I can say is that there has probably been a massive drop in anxiety in Colorado recently

I've been on prescription pills for anxiety in the past and absolutely hated it. Drugging yourself 24/7 for anxiety attacks that happen randomly just isn't efficient. Let alone the berkeleyed up side effects that come with meds. I moved to a more natural medication and it has dramatically improved my life. It's effects happen immediately and don't leave you as a zombie the rest of the time (or ruin your sex life!).

Unfortunately not all states give legal and safe access to natural medications

In reply to Beer Baron:

Maybe that's just it. Maybe things are too calm, whether they appear to be or not. Try shaking things up a bit. Drive in a demo derby, sky dive, take $500 and try to head back to GRM HQ and back on it.

I need a certain level of hectic in my life to feel normal, part of the reason I have so many projects with so little funding all the time. Not much makes me go crazy as having nothing to do(and yes, there is a difference between doing nothing with stuff to do, and having nothing to do).

And also what the Hoff said above me.. Ohio has started the wheels turning, but I'm not sure how far they've rolled.

Exercise helps--- lots and lots of exercise. It sounds like you are being pretty active already, but adding more activity to your day can't hurt. Push ups, sit ups, just simple things can really burn off anxiety, and you start looking better to boot. Eat healthy, exercise a lot, and you may feel a bit better. It can't hurt!

mtn wrote: Consider giving up drinking for the time being. I've seen family with anxiety, and the drinking makes it worse. It is a band aid, and underneath the wound festers. If you need to keep at it to keep up with your career, do it like a wine-tasting. Oh, and what the hell are you doing taking up golf? Golf is another stressor. Believe me, I caddied for 10 years and still am an avid golfer. It doesn't help with the stress. (Joking. That is a joke. But don't take it too seriously and don't spend too much on the equipment--buy used!)

Haha! My first day trying to learn to golf, I was joking with my friend how I'd spent that day trying to learn to of the most infuriatingly difficult skills ever: ollieing a skateboard and driving a golf ball. I decided the skateboarding was harder, but golf was more frustrating; there is humor and progress in not quite landing and ollie that there isn't in flubbing a golf swing. I don't care about being good at golf. It's just an excuse to get together with a friend who is in a similar situation to me.

I probably only average about 2 drinks/day. I don't think I can do more than 4 in a day, and rarely do more than 3. I don't like being drunk. Most of my drinking currently is creating mixed drinks for the Baroness and I, because I like the process of shopping for and mixing a good cocktail.

Benzodiazapines are more psychologically addictive than cocaine or heroin. They are also one of the very few things that are physically addictive, to the point that stopping them is a life threatening event, unlike heroin. Have you read my treatise on mental health? Dr.Hess' Treatise on Mental Health

Anyway, continue the exercise, start meditating. RELAX.

Beer Baron wrote:

mtn wrote: Consider giving up drinking for the time being. I've seen family with anxiety, and the drinking makes it worse. It is a band aid, and underneath the wound festers. If you need to keep at it to keep up with your career, do it like a wine-tasting. Oh, and what the hell are you doing taking up golf? Golf is another stressor. Believe me, I caddied for 10 years and still am an avid golfer. It doesn't help with the stress. (Joking. That is a joke. But don't take it too seriously and don't spend too much on the equipment--buy used!)

Haha! My first day trying to learn to golf, I was joking with my friend how I'd spent that day trying to learn to of the most infuriatingly difficult skills ever: ollieing a skateboard and driving a golf ball. I decided the skateboarding was harder, but golf was more frustrating; there is humor and progress in not quite landing and ollie that there isn't in flubbing a golf swing. I don't care about being good at golf. It's just an excuse to get together with a friend who is in a similar situation to me. I probably only average about 2 drinks/day. I don't think I can do more than 4 in a day, and rarely do more than 3. I don't like being drunk. Most of my drinking currently is creating mixed drinks for the Baroness and I, because I like the process of shopping for and mixing a good cocktail.

There is some fear mongering here, but work to keep it under 8 drinks a week, preferably 4. The health aspects are pretty bad when you get into the 8-14 drinks a week range. (My wife is a Dietitian and sees a lot of people who are very sick in part due to their alcohol consumption, which was not all that much. And we still do drink ourselves, we just always keep it reasonable)

I find it helpful to engage in something that completely fills my mind with thought. The opposite of meditation... don't think of nothing - leave no room except for thought about one single thing. Give the fight side of you fight or flight response a little freedom to run. When you have to focus so intensely on something that time passes without realizing it - you found the right thing.

The key ingredient is that it's a physical thing that you control and it's mentally taxing to maintain focus or the physical end goes to hell.

RevRico wrote: In reply to Beer Baron: Maybe that's just it. Maybe things are too calm, whether they appear to be or not. Try shaking things up a bit. Drive in a demo derby, sky dive, take $500 and try to head back to GRM HQ and back on it. I need a certain level of hectic in my life to feel normal, part of the reason I have so many projects with so little funding all the time. Not much makes me go crazy as having nothing to do(and yes, there is a difference between doing nothing with stuff to do, and having nothing to do).

I think this mixed with mourning the lost job are it. (I really cared about that job. It stressed me out to be torn by lack of resources and support from above to have to choose between sacrificing quality and sacrificing what was healthful for me.)

The rub is, figuring out what to start on when I've got this very probable deal going to happen, but on a very uncertain timeline. Just, what I start would vary a lot if I knew how long I had. But there is no way of knowing, so I can't plan around it.

Exercise plus steroids for the non cancerous growth in my head is what did it for me. The problem is for someone who does exercise pretty frequently the level to get to tired is pretty high.

Cut out the caffeine as well, running is the exercise that clears my head the most. Personally I think I would go crazy if work actually stopped, I made finding a new job a 8 hour a day thing just to keep me sane for a while.

Beer Baron wrote:

alfadriver wrote: I wish I could help you today. But for the future job- do not let it take advantage of you. Whatever it was that caused the stress- you should be proactive in making sure that you don't get led down that path again. Point out that it would be a bad investment to hire you only to force you to leave due to health problems a few years later- makes the whole job kind of pointless in the end to the company. If they are hiring you- it's in their best interest to keep you happy and healthy for their bottom line. Remember that.

Yes. Fortunately, these people seem to understand that. Finding the right fit of management team is a big lesson I've learned. One of the guys I've been talking to about handling unemployment, and he isn't able to help because the company he currently runs... has *never* lost an employee (aside from retirement). This is a guy a want to work for/with. The former boss was the major problem. He has a track record and reputation for royally pissing people off to the point where they refuse to work with him.

So that opens up a rather hopeful thought, then. Without someone driving your anxiety issues, I would suggest that your future anxiety issues outside of work will follow that. Seems like a reasonable theory- especially when we as a group probably noticed your anxiety issues most with this current job- far more than going to school or the Germany trip.

Maybe that thought could lessen your current anxiety?

alfadriver wrote: So that opens up a rather hopeful thought, then. Without someone driving your anxiety issues, I would suggest that your future anxiety issues outside of work will follow that. Seems like a reasonable theory- especially when we as a group probably noticed your anxiety issues most with this current job- far more than going to school or the Germany trip. *Maybe* that thought could lessen your current anxiety?

Haha. Yes. The anxiety really was driven by a particular person, not really the work itself. (There were hazardous things that were stressful, but the bigger issue was he refused to budget for us to purchase necessary equipment for health and safety.)

And no, I've not experienced anxiety issues like this in a long time. I had a couple full-on anxiety attacks a few months ago (which is why I stopped dancing). Last time that happened was in high school, and I had an MD and a Psych say it was because my step mother was a bitch.

Probably what I just need is time and distance. I just want it to happen now.

Been fighting a lot on that front myself. I have been having a rough time finding happiness and real excitement. Its like everything that can go wrong is the monkey on my shoulder that I can't shake off. I can't relax and actually enjoy what I am doing. I am rushing from thing to thing and can't stop.

I know what the influences are that have me this way and its a bunch of shorter term things that all came at the same time.

I actually did engage a therapist for a few sessions and got some short term anti-anxiety meds from my GP that got me through a bad stretch with panic attacks a few months back. I am out of the danger on that, but am trying to figure out how to navigate out of the general trend.

My next things are finding a new GP (I moved) and trying to get on something gentler for the anxiety. I am also looking at doing some more counseling, but some of the things that are affecting me are the result of outside influences that should (hopefully) clear up in the next few months, so I am tempted to gut it out until a few things settle rather than resort to drugs.

Sometimes its a mind over matter thing and sometimes you really need the leg up to get where you need to be to pull out of it.

Beer Baron wrote: Probably what I just need is time and distance. I just want it to happen *now*.

Those are the words right there... I completely feel the same way.

wouldnt it be great if we could just flip a switch and make it happen?

sadly, it doesnt work that way. The way it was put to me is that it takes time for these things to build up, and it takes time for them to bleed off. You have to address the influences and stick with it and give it some time.

My wife is a psychologist and has - in research - found it amazing what mindfulness meditation can do for stress and anxiety. I keep meaning to try it. Don't think of it as doing nothing or your mind thinking of nothing - it actually is quite a lot more than that. A lot of the activities we do are us trying to keep our mind from processing things it needs to process. Meditation gives it the room to actually work and can be a difficult and painful thing to go through but has very positive results for stress reduction. They are doing a ton of research on it right now and finding lots of good things. It's not all "chakras and chi" but rather "make room in your mind for it to function properly."

If you're interested at all, I could ask her to give me some book recommendations. She is, above all, a scientist and does not much go for woo. So I have a lot of respect for the meditation thing.

I'm going to schedule a trip out to Oregon to visit my best friends. A week or two with them always helps me feel better.

My dad and are I flying out to the airshow at Oshkosh tomorrow. He's asked if I want to fly back to Texas with him after, and I'm torn on that. In general, it would be nice to visit him, but his timing is frustrating. I had a few minor plans that I already postponed because of the Oshkosh trip, and then staying longer would push them back again. It's just a small get-together, but it's with some new friends that I want to build a good relationship with, and I don't want to be difficult and "that guy".

In reply to dculberson:

Yeah. Those recommendations would be good.

I used to do more meditation than I do now. I kind of roll my eyes at chakras and chi now, but I always liked the philosophy of Thich Nhat Hanh, and he's all about mindfulness.