I'm a 30-year-old woman (who, yes, also works here and hardly ever posts). I'm seeing a theme in this thread that I want to address: what women need to do to be safe.
SVreX said: But I also have a 25 yo daughter, and a 12 yo daughter. I have taught them not to go to places they feel unsafe, and most certainly not to go there when their judgement is impaired. If someone is likely to commit a criminal act, I'd rather they be in the best position possible that it not happen to them. ... But my actual response is to teach my daughters about the dangers of alcohol abuse, the nature of blackouts, and the importance of understanding their self worth and strength is not measured in their capacity to down shots, or put themselves in compromising situations.
Apexcarver said: I do, however, appeal to anyone and everyone to take care of themselves in all situations and protect themselves. Why? because there are terrible people.
You guys mean well, which is why I'm taking the time to reply, but your energy here is misplaced. It's men, not women, who need to be advised about how to prevent rape. Men commit almost all rapes. Most rapes are commited by white men aged 21 and older. Talk with your sons about the meaning of consent. Discourage them from having double standards about women. Teach them that sex isn't something a person "deserves." Call out your buddies when they say some sexist E36 M3. Check in with the dudes in your life, and with yourself. Here's a good article about discussing these topics with a teenager.
Women already know they're at risk. They learn this early and often. They're already aware that they can restrict their behavior in an all-too-often vain attempt to avoid sexual assault. Sometimes they restrict their behavior without even realizing it. Sometimes the feeling of danger is so internalized that it shapes the path a woman's life takes overall. She turns down a job because the walk from the subway to the office is unsafe—or, more realistically, she never applies to that job in the first place because she knows not to search in that area. She never lives her dream to hike the Appalachian Trail—or, more realistically, she never even develops an interest in hiking it because the first time she considered it, she immediately dismissed the idea because of the risk. This is real E36 M3.
It should never be anyone's responsibility to avoid being raped. I think most of you get this, but some of you don't really get this. You think that it's just an unfortunate current reality that the world is dangerous, and in the meantime we should take precautions. That's easy for you to say when women account for 9 out of 10 rape victims. Frankly, my life would be vastly different if I never had to fear men. This is my only life, right now, and I shouldn't have any reason not to live it as fully and spontaneously as a man can. I have the same right as a man to get plastered at a frat party or to walk around at night. And as I said above, "taking precautions" takes many forms and can easily result in a half-lived life. So the least you can do is stop with the advice.
And be careful not to use this as an opportunity to congratulate yourselves for thinking rape is wrong (that's baseline morality) or for believing that this woman was, in fact, raped (because there were two male, unrelated witnesses who caught the rapist mid-thrust, you don't actually have to rely on the woman's testimony to believe her, which is what we really need more of). If all you're taking away from this is that you want to assassinate this kid's nuts, you're doing it wrong.
Please, use this energy to talk about rape with the men in your life.
It doesn't matter if populations would work out to have white people committing less than half of the sexual assaults, because there aren't only two groups. It's not that one has to be over half to be the winner, it's that when one has the overwhelming majority it is the clear winner. Or in this case, rapist.
