Ethics question RE- possible inheritance.

So, my grandmother kicked the bucket. I hated her. With a passion. It all stemmed from an incident when my father died. She went through my home casing the joint like she'd just hit the lotto, wanting to price things out and claim them for herself. As I had recently been orphaned, I was a bit upset, but when you're 11, you have no voice. Fast forward about 15 years and my grandfather passed. It had been long establish that the only reason people came over was to talk to him. We were all over at the the house after the burial and in the kitchen a war breaks out between my aunt and my grandmother. Grandma is now of the thought that people need to pay for each and every memento that leaves that house, no matter how insignificant. Being that I already hold this woman in high regard, I've relegated myself to the fact that I'm ass out on the deal, as she's not getting a berkeleying dime from me.

Fast forward to today. My wife had made arrangements with my aunt to pick up some pots and pans and other assorted goods from the estate, as theyre basically goodwilling the whole lot. I didn't really know until the deal was done or I probably would have said no. However, this brings in sharp relief something I had not considered- she had a wad stashed. Between the estate, cash, etc- probably a half mil or more. I stand to likely end up with a piece of that pie. The problem is, I really don't want it. I'm broke, but as massively stupid as it sounds, I want nothing to do with her. I'd rather be broke than take a dime of hers. My wife however brought up an interesting counterpoint. If I end up with some cashmoleans from her, I effectively get exactly what she hates, and that is her money with no say in what I do with it..... And it leaves me torn. Wwgrmd?

Take the money. She's dead and has no money. You do.

The money doesn't care who spends it.

Bury the ill that this woman stirred up and go forward, stronger for having dealt with her, and a little fatter in the wallet.

Take the money and put it to some good.. it sounds like your Grandmother never did

take it. put it in a saving account for Gibson's and use it for his education. think of it as using your Grandfathers money for Gibson's future.

You've got a family, take the money.

If it makes you are uncomfortable, take it and put it away in a fairly conservative investment. Let it sit. Someday you'll either find peace about it or you'll find a use for it that does some good in the world. Not taking it doesn't really accomplish anything.

I can give you an address to send that awful money to so ot doesn't weigh on your conscious.

Your grandfather was no doubt responsible for much of her accumulated estate. You liked him. Don't feel guilty.

I've accepted money from a lot of people that I didn't like.

(Sometime in the future...)

Dad, why are we so poor?

Because your Grandfather had an issue with accepting what was rightfully his as an inheritance from his family. Our family has been struggling to make ends meet ever since, and sometimes I feel kind of bitter toward him because of it.

If you can't handle it, put it away somewhere where you don't have to see it or rely on it. Your kids and grandkids will thank you someday.

Yeah, take the money. Consider it your dad's.

berkeley Granny. The money was your Grandfathers, and if the old bitch hadn't spent a bunch of it, you would have gotten more of your Grandfathers estate.

In this case, I can think of no better way to honor her memory than to spend as much of her money as you can on things that you know she would hate.

This is a no brainer for me. Accepting what is legally (and, IMHO, morally) yours is small compensation for her thoughtlessness in other situations. If you didn't need it, perhaps I might say refuse it, or better, use it to better others. But it sounds like you need it. Take care of yourself and your own first. I'm not saying (contrary to typical GRM advice) to buy a Porsche, I'm saying do something lasting with it. Buy a home, finish an education, start a retirement account. There's nothing you can do to go back and make your grandmother a better person, just be a better one yourself. I'm sorry for your loss. Not her death, but the fact that she wasn't there for you when you needed her. (My grandmothers were some of my favorite people and both had a major positive influence on my life.) I see nothing wrong with making her "be there for you" involuntarily. If you can, forgive her and move on. All the best.

Take the money. If you don't want to benefit from it, let your kids later in life.

if granny had died first you wouldn't be having any problem accepting your share of the estate … take the money

I've seen money wreck plenty of lives but I've seen following your conscience wreck none. Under the circumstances, I would probably put the money in a trust/education fund for my kid, but if it doesn't feel right then it doesn't feel right. You gotta look in the mirror every day. If you feel that strongly about it, choose a worthy charity and give it to them.

Hookers+Blow=happieness

mndsm wrote: I'm broke.

This is all that matters in your post, and the only time that "think of the children" is the correct answer. The most important thing to you is making sure you're son is taken car of and if this money will help take it. If nothing else look at it as karma taking its revenge on the old bitty.

yep. if you have a family think of your kids and take the $. and if it makes you feel better think of it as the inheritance you never got when your dad passed.

I understand the ethics dilemma. I've turned down money before but not in a case like that.

Take the money while you can... but take it. Set it aside as a rainy day, education or whatever fund. Let it sit, forget about it, think about it much, much later. If you should eventually come to terms w/ it and decide to use it, all well and good. Also, you're no less compromised by it if you never spend it. If it still doesn't feel right you can always donate it to good causes.

Yeah, y'all are right. I just have to look at it as I get to give Gibson ( my son) a potential shot I never had. All of my survivor benefits and things were more or less legally stolen from me, I figure I'm out about a quarter mil or so. Now I did see probably 100, but most of that went to paying for Gibsons birth due to the nature of the pregnancy. Insurance may cover hospital bill but they sure as hell don't cover mama being on bed rest with two car notes and a fat rent note....

Teh E36 M3 wrote: Hookers+Blow=happieness

I do like me some hookers n blow.

If nothing else, It's a great college fund for your son.

Pay off the bills. Get yourself in a decent position and put it aside for your son.

It's your grandfather's money that you grandmother just happened to have.