Expensive weddings - cheapskates of the world rejoice!

Keith Tanner wrote: Whenever a friend of mine gets engaged, I tell them that with 12 hours notice, I can meet them at the Vegas airport with the '66 Cadillac and I'll drive them to get married by Elvis. They laugh at first, but you can see them start to think about it as The Wedding Industry gets the hooks in. Our wedding was a backyard affair with 25 people - immediate family and about two friends. The ceremony was performed by a friend, there was a brisket in the smoker and it was the best smelling ceremony ever. Plus we have our "wedding tree" in our yard The only thing we splurged on was a pro photographer, and it was well worth it. No drama, lots of smiles, very relaxing. My sister in law picked a guy with a high maintenance mother. He's a bit high maintenance as well. The wedding was a roving all-day affair with two ceremonies (the one his mother wanted and the one the bride wanted), panics over catering problems at the remote resort in the mountains above Vail, transportation difficulties due to the location of the aforementioned resort, etc. I hate to think what it cost. There was more stress in the day due to the complexity of it all. The photos were taken by a friend of the groom and they're pretty poor despite the backdrop.

Yep.

We got married in Vegas, at The Little White Wedding Chapel (not by Elvis, wife wouldn't go that far), with only our parents in attendance, then went out and partied on the strip that night with our folks.

Came back to OK, a few months later and threw a big outdoor reception. My dad DJ'd, her step-dad made tons of BBQ and we bought a few kegs. No fuss, no muss.

Her wedding ring was ~$1000, mine was $75.

Oh... one somewhat unexpected twist to mine. The first ring probably cost (I don't honestly remember since it was a decade and a half ago...) about what I paid for the current ring- but the new one is WORTH at least three times what the first one's was worth thanks to a very sweet gesture on the part of my grandmother in giving me her ring to use the diamonds (yes, plural) from. SWMBO was floored when she saw it since it was WAY shinier than anything we'd looked at as I had kept the whole thing about my grandmother's ring a secret until then. Ultimately I did spend a modest bit more than intended just because of the complexity of what I ended up designing, but it was WELL worth it, and will hopefully we'll ourselves have grandkids someday who she can pass it down to.

We just scrapped our wedding plans last weekend (if you know me personally keep it quiet for a bit, huh?). We were on track to spend about 12k. The stupid part (besides spending 12 thousand dollars in a single day) is neither of us want a big reception or anything fancy. It well and truly spitballs out of control. We basically just told everyone to go berkeley themselves in the nicest way possible. The guest list has gone from 140 to 21...

The only thing we are splurging on is a pro photographer, since SWMBO is a camera nerd. Other than that it's going to be bare bones, in a park with our best mates and parents.

quick tip. Every vendor in the wedding industry invariably asks "what is your total wedding budget?" right after they ask your name (i.e. very first thing they say).

EVERYTHING is then priced accordingly. The levels of slime and scam astounded me. Worse than used cars, on-par with most for-profit online universities.

If I had known in advance, we would've done much cheaper on the photographer (1st vendor we met with, before I noticed what was hapening) and we could've even used the same guy.

I think I was out 10 or 12K, but her parents paid. not bad for 150 people.

rcutclif wrote: quick tip. Every vendor in the wedding industry invariably asks "what is your total wedding budget?" right after they ask your name (i.e. very first thing they say). EVERYTHING is then priced accordingly. The levels of slime and scam astounded me. Worse than used cars, on-par with most for-profit online universities. If I had known in advance, we would've done much cheaper on the photographer (1st vendor we met with, before I noticed what was hapening) and we could've even used the same guy.

My in-laws were quite dismayed at our lack of professional photographer, but my bride and I could have cared less. My wife didn't stand still long enough for pictures anyway. Saved ourselves $500-$2000 on that deal.

We found a cheap DJ who while a bit awkward at times played fantastic music that wore almost everyone out with the amount of dancing to be had. He was cheap at $500.

The caterer...oh man did they get us. Tent, $1000, rentals $1800, food $6000, service $2000.

I think if I did it all over I would've put my foot down on the caterer and demanded a simpler meal. Her father is a bit of a food snob and doesn't care for "simple food", so he gladly paid for it. Still, we could have done a lot differently, but the fact that we agree on that topic indicates to me we're on the same page for the relationships strength sake.

The wedding industry is a terrible one. It's all aimed at emotional decisions, "it's your day, don't you want it to be perfect?" The number of things that you "have" to do to basically plan a party are ridiculous. I almost got sucked down that hole once, and that was indicative of where the relationship was going. She realized it, pulled out of the deal and when I got a second run at planning a wedding years later it was a very different thing.

As for the photog, a good pro makes a massive difference. Not just of the formal shots, but the candid ones. Those are the real gems for us. Our photographer brought an assistant who basically just lurked, and once they got the feel of our event they really got into it. Fantastic photos of everyone involved, and almost none of them are from the posed shots. They told me it was the most fun they ever had shooting a wedding At the end, I got a DVD with all the pictures and full reproduction rights, so I designed our own album and had a few copies printed off to give to parental units and the like.

Our wedding was pricey. But still way under the budget we had. I didn't pay for any of it, but we got to keep what we didn't spend, so in a way I did...

Rings on the other hand... I never bought her one. She snagged one for herself for like $50, and I got mine for free.

I honestly don't recall what I paid for my wife's engagement ring. It was back in 1997, I think it was somewhere around $2500. Wedding was something around $15k, but given that it was in the Philadelphia suburbs, that isn't a bad price for a full blown ceremony and reception. Had a beautiful ceremony...was supposed to be outdoors at a historic house, but it was POURING on our wedding day so we were in a huge catering tent on the grounds. Reception at a local country club. About 150 guests. We saved money by having the wedding on a Sunday afternoon, having a DJ instead of a band and doing a few small things ourselves. My FIL paid for it, so I can't complain. My elderly aunt with dimentia was dancing and fell and broke her shoulder right in the middle of the reception. Apparently while in the ER she was laughing and saying it was the most fun she had in a long time.

I have no idea how much our wedding was as the in-laws paid but I am sure it wasn't cheap. But that being said it was one heck of a good time.

I think her rings came in at around $2k between the two and mine was a few hundred. Honestly I doubt she would have asked for a ring that cost that much but I had the money and wanted to get something nice.

A couple of hundred bucks for both sets of rings, married at North York City Hall and a "reception" at my brother's house. I've offered to buy SWMBO a nicer set of rings, but she's not interested. We'll be 30 years next month.

First Wedding = Expensive Everything, including the divorce.

Second Wedding = $5 rings from WalMart and a Married barefoot in the park by my sister. No doubt that this one lasts forever.

(We did upgrade rings one our fingers turned green)

We got engaged right out of college. I was totally broke and headed to grad school, so about to be even broker... the first engagement ring I gave her was pretty, but small and very cheap. She wore it like a soldier for a long time, but I could tell it bothered her. So for our 20th anniversary I replaced it with a bigger, shinier one that she wears all the time.

We got married in 1990 and had about 75 people at the wedding and reception. She made her dress and the 3 bridesmaids' suits, all from bulk silk, in a variety of weaves, that we bought and dyed ourselves. I even helped sew a little. We had some flowers for the ceremony and bouquets to carry, but we didn't go very lavish there, and I don't recall having those ever-so-important centerpieces at the reception.

We had our reception at a restaurant with a nice marina view; the place was open to the public, but the main dining room was reserved for us so effectively we had it to ourselves. We ran an open bar and just paid the bill straight up. Dinner was heavy hors d'oeuvres and finger foods, rather than a sit-down feather-or-leather type deal. We hired a DJ who did nights at 99.1 WHFS, which back in the '90s was pretty cool, and told her that if she did anything other than spin records and keep the dance floor full, we weren't paying her. She did a great job at that.

We did hire a professional photographer, which was my only disappointment. First, he was barely 5 feet tall, so all the pictures have a somewhat weird POV. Also, his candids weren't great and the posed shots could have been better.

All told, I think we were in it about $3600 for 75 people, more-or-less evenly split between us, her parents, and my parents.

Wedding tax is rife. Ring a photographer, cake maker, caterer, reception centre or otherwise and get a quote for a function... Call the same person back a few days later and get a quote for a wedding... Watch the price skyrocket. Friend of mine had a big fight on his wedding day with the manager of the reception centre as he had booked it as a private function and not told them it was a wedding. They went in that morning, self decorated and when one of the staff realised it was indeed a wedding the manager showed up in a fit of the E36 M3s because they weren't told it was a wedding. Mate told him its a private function and the nature of the function is irrelevant so Berkeley off. When he'd rang the place months earlier and gotten a quote on holding a wedding reception there it was almost double the price of what he ended up paying for his "private function".

You know, this gives me an idea. Between my wife and myself, we're berkeleying geniuses at dealing and ferreting out deals and I am a magician at making up cool stuff. Someone described me the other day as Red from Shawshank- I am a man that can get things. I bet I'd be a kickass wedding coordinator. Because I'm a dude, not flaming gay, and would work with the dudes to slip in as much cool stuff as possible, I sense a whole industry of taking the "wedding tax" out back and shooting it.

Skipped the $$$ wedding and used the money for a big down payment on the house. The house was the first and only loan we had ever had and we paid it off ASAP.

I chuckle every time I hear the term "Land of the free"...The freedom that comes with not owing money is one that few people in NA will ever experience; our entire system is dedicated against it.

If I had to deal with brides and their mothers all day, I'd probably jack up my prices too...

Keith Tanner wrote: If I had to deal with brides and their mothers all day, I'd probably jack up my prices too...

As a wedding officiant, my wife deals with 70-80 brides and mothers a year. She has a special name for the worst of them.

Bridzilla!!!

ScreaminE wrote: Funny part is that my Father in Law said that he would give us $10k to elope. I was dead serious and said absolutely. My Mother in Law wanted to have the extravagant party. Guess who won.

I have repeatedly offered my daughter $10K to elope. It pisses of my wife to no end since she is the only daughter.

Got married in 1968. IIRC, total cost (rings and everything) was less than $500. Small wedding at the church she had attended since childhood. Reception for ~50 was at her parents house with her mother, two of her sisters and some aunts doing the cooking. And a good time was had by all involved.

In reply to etifosi:

Dude. I think you win this one By a big margin.

Lol SWMBO showed me that article at lunch, and my exact words were "well, you said till death do us part!" The rings were less than 200 with about 30 being my band, we told everyone a week ahead of time when and where, no one showed so it was simple stress free, jeans and bride/groom t shirts. The downtown St. Augustine B&B was the most expensive part.

Next year will be 10 years, I promised her if we made it to that point we could do whatever she wanted as a vow renewal, it fluctuates between a Firefly theme wedding and Costa Rican destination wedding with those invited payin their own way minus mom and dad.