I actually have a half-written handbook/story on this...
a rough draft with some of my points:
“A/C works, just needs to be charged.” Actually…no. If cold air is not coming out of your vents, then the A/C does NOT work. This is the basic definition of air conditioning, and is commonly accepted by society in general.
“No Scammers.” Seriously? Do you think these “scammers” do any of the following?
• READ ads in the first place
• Identify themselves as scammers (I’d like to see that one on a resume)
• Give a hoot whether or not you wish for them to contact you
• Exist as real people (as opposed to being a “bot” program that automatically combs ads for email information)
I’d like to, just one time, email someone and take exception to their “no scammers” rule. It could go something like: Hello, I hope you’ll forgive me contacting you even though I am a scammer. I don’t wish to scam you on this particular ad, however, as I am genuinely interested in your ’84 Chevrolet Cavalier with a no title and working a/c (just needs recharged) for $1,800. If I could get more information from you on this car, I would appreciate it. I’ll kindly save the scam for another time (after all, you did clearly point out that you were not interested in any scams).
“It’s a bargain because all the parts are worth more than this.” Hello there Mr. Economics! If you want to dismantle it and sell the parts individually (and possibly find out that in fact the parts are NOT worth more than you are asking)…then you’re welcome to do it. I, on the other hand, don’t think it’s worth that much...as it sits...still rusted together.
“No title, but I’m sure you can apply for a lost title.” Actually, in our state…no you can’t. Your car is worth less than scrap value because for anyone to sell the car for scrap, they are going to have to spend several hours and a pallet full of Sawzall blades taking it down into small enough chunks to not be considered a “vehicle” anymore.
“Serious Inquiries/Offers Only.” See “no scammers” above. I want to add a line to my ads that says something along the lines of “While I generally tolerate only the most serious of responses…depending on my mood, I may also entertain ludicrous, whimsical, or potentially irresponsible inquiries.”
An example would be the ad for a Dump Truck for sale that requests “Serious Buyers Only.” Really, now…is there ANY other kind of dump truck buyer? I can only imagine the scenario running through this seller’s head as he imagines two guys sitting around eating cheetos while sitting on a bean bag chairs and surfing craigslist. “Dude…let’s go test drive this dump truck that’s for sale!” “Dude…we don’t need a dumptruck.” “Dude. I KNOW…but the seller doesn’t know that we don’t need a dumptruck!”
A separate pet peeve: It seems people who are in need of only “serious” inquiries generally lack “serious” grammar and spelling skills.
“Mechanic Owned.” I’m pretty sure this is inserted into ads to make the potential buyer feel better about the care the car has received throughout its life with the current owner. However, the feeling it actually instills is that the car has been owned by someone who is busy fixing other peoples’ cars to MAKE money and will put off maintenance on his own car until it breaks…because when it does break he can fix it just as easy as he can maintain it…and it isn’t broke yet.
A “Mechanic Owned” Chevy tracker with a blown engine…what could possibly go wrong with that purchase?!
“Rare.” To tell me a car is rare is anything but good. First off…if this is a rare car that is actually worth something because of its rarity...and I’m a serious buyer…I probably already know that it is rare and resent you for telling me that it is.
On the other hand…it’s entirely possible that the vehicle isn’t rare at all…and you’re just telling me that because it’s OLD and therefore there are only as many of them on the road these days as there are any other car from that era. For instance, a Chevrolet Truck…is NOT RARE. It really matters not what year it is, they made millions of the things.
And then there’s the third possibility that comes to mind: Your car is rare because nobody EVER wanted it. It was so lousy, or the goofy combination of features/options so obscure, that it was just never actually produced in any appreciable quantity. An [insert example here] might be rare…but good luck finding someone to think that it is “good rare.”
As it happens, a ’74 Porsche 914 languishing in a field is not “rare.” It is quite common (I'll go out on a limb and say that possibly MOST of them will be found in this condition). And no, it’s not worth $1,200 with missing glass, petri dish interior, all of the factory-installed rust and the “factory volkswagen engine.”
Again with the pet peeve: People with “rare” cars can also have “rare” grammar and spelling skills. Not “good rare” for the same reasons discussed above.
“Less than Blue Book value!” Blue book is a joke. Besides that...Your car is not in “good” condition according to their guidelines. Blue book doesn’t list a value for a car with a mismatched fender, cigarette burns, and bald tires…it just doesn’t.
That's all for now,
Clem
