How should I handle this? (really long post)

N Sperlo wrote: In reply to Mazdax605: Umm... Define dope. Different areas have different definitions. It means anything from weed to coke, meth, X, etc. Depending on what it means will direct me how to respond.

Sorry didn't know there was many definitions of dope. Weed is his drug of choice as far as I know. Maybe more, but I know that one for sure.

I can't speak a word of advice until I know this:

How close do you want to stay to your family?

If it were me and my family were acting that way, I'd tell them what I thought of their behavior.

1. Brother- get off the juice, you just had a roid rage incident and I don't trust you around my family.
2. Sister in law: I put a lot of thought into those. If you don't like them, that is fine, bring them back or donate them. I also suggest we no longer exchange gifts. Additionally, straighten up, fly right and stop being an shiny happy person.

Just because they are blood doesn't mean they aren't bad people with no place in your life.

I truely don't know at this point how close I want to be with that branch of my family. My heart says I should stay close because he is blood, and I would miss the time spent with my nephew, but my gut says get out now. I was disrespected by him a few years ago at a sporting event, and have not forgotten it or been apologized to about it. Never gonna happen I know,and time spent with him is generally not pleseant, so maybe best I withdraw.

It would be a damn shame though for that to happen as like I said before he lives so close by, and my kids love his son. They live in a cool cul-de-sac and have a pool might be part of the reason as well. I never feel the love that I have for them coming back towards us, and my wife hates going over there but tolerates it as it is my family.

Her side of the family I am sure is just as screwed up in different ways, but everyone seems to like each other, and sure wouldn't scream at each other at a birthday party. We just always seem to be judged when over my brothers, and that it is some sort of competion with us, and our kids. Very depressing last 24 hours or less.

Thanks again,

Chris

In reply to Mazdax605:

Responsible weed smokers have raised kids well. I have proof. Not getting into that. If he is responsible with it, it shouldn't be a problem. Think there may be an uneven temperament due to a mixture of steroids and marijuana? Its possible.

Either way, if he can't be reasonable, its time to get out. You will be avoiding the possibility of a multitude of problems. I have a feeling your kids well being is more important than family blood. I wouldn't want my kids (if I had any) around someone acting irresponsibly. I want them to learn to be calm, collective, and patient to be able to resolve things safely and rationally.

Sum things up. Cut and run.

Mazdax605 wrote: I never feel the love that I have for them coming back towards us, and my wife hates going over there but tolerates it as it is my family.

That statement tells you all you really need to hear.

Family don't mean E36 M3 when they treat you like dirt. Cut the ties. Stop telling yourself that they are worth the stress and insults because they're related to you or because they have a pool.

Your kids will make other friends. Ditch these guys.

I don't care about the pool, but kids don't know any better and they like it. We don't use it often.

There's a saying: 'the difference in friends and family is you can pick your friends'. For the sake of family, try to get it across to your brother that kind of behavior is unacceptable. But if it goes poorly, ECM is right: kick them to the curb.

In reply to N Sperlo:

I have nothing against the weed smoking, or anyone who does it, but just wanted to note where he was in life.

In reply to Mazdax605:

I believe we are on the same page, but want to clarify for there trolls. Nothing against you trolls, I do it to.

I truely don't know at this point how close I want to be with that branch of my family.

If you try, at least you can say "I tried." Know what I mean? I've seen so many families where "so-and-so doesn't talk to so-and-so" over some dumb E36 M3 that was all about some stupid thing that got way out of proportion because nobody just sat down and talked about it. Give your brother a call man! Or better yet, take him out for a beer or nine.

my $.02.

poopshovel wrote:

I truely don't know at this point how close I want to be with that branch of my family.

If you try, at least you can say "I tried."

^^ this. Trying once doesn't mean you must try forever.

Mazdax605 wrote: I don't care about the pool, but kids don't know any better and they like it. We don't use it often.

I put that part in for humor.

EastCoastMojo wrote:

Mazdax605 wrote: I don't care about the pool, but kids don't know any better and they like it. We don't use it often.

I put that part in for humor.

Sorry my sense of humor seems to be broken today. Lack of sleep and being ticked off will do that. Back off to work again. The good thing is it gets my mind off of this BS.

Mazdax605 wrote:

rotard wrote: and he can probably kick your ass.

Not a berkeleyin chance. I may be out of shape, but that ain't happening. I am however a peace loving person that doesn't want violence in my life. Odd from a hockey loving/playing male in his 30's I know.

Are you a "Goon"? Use your superior goon mentality. You gotta know how to hit em and when.

TRoglodyte wrote:

Mazdax605 wrote:

rotard wrote: and he can probably kick your ass.

Not a berkeleyin chance. I may be out of shape, but that ain't happening. I am however a peace loving person that doesn't want violence in my life. Odd from a hockey loving/playing male in his 30's I know.

Are you a "Goon"? Use your superior goon mentality. You gotta know how to hit em and when.

His brother is experiencing roid rage. I'm putting my money on the angry younger and stronger brother.

It's still a game, you pick your fights and when they start.

Mazdax605 wrote: Now to the part that has me steamed even more.

This is a problem. Your sister in law is in a terrible and possibly very dangerous situation. So is your nephew. You should be significantly MORE concerned about your brother and his substance abuse and violent behavior than the fact that she was ungrateful about what present you gave her.

You are gonna need some thicker skin. Your family, your sister,your sister in law, and your nephew ALL need you to rise up and be the bigger man.

Mazdax605 wrote: Am I out of line to be hurt by this? What should I do about it? Should I confront her about it or just let it stew like I do with lots of other things that happen in the family? Should I get involved with the previous story about the way my brother treated my sister? Or should I just pretend nothing happened,and live my life?

I understand WHY you are hurt. It's not that you are wrong to feel hurt, but your feelings are not helpful. Get them out of the way so you can help your brother your sister, and your SIL. As long as you are worried about your pride and your own hurt feelings, you are completely out of focus and useless to helping the family crisis. They need you. Man up. Swallow your pride.

Your brother is a ticking timebomb. So much so that someone could get hurt. How can you think of pretending nothing happened?

You may or may not be the person to talk to him, but you can certainly be the person who is orchestrating for change and getting the help your family needs, even if it is behind the scenes.

You are thinking clearly and recognizing the problems appropriately. That's a good thing. Maybe no one else in your family has the vision you do. Time for some tough love. Show your love by doing the hard things necessary.

Get involved. Get help. Quickly.

I'm really not trying to beat up on you- I'm on your side, but I gotta say one more thing.

You are living in denial.

You can't win a fistfight against an aggressive violent man on 'roids, and things aren't going to get better if you stick your head in the sand and pretend nothing happened.

Things will get a LOT worse. PLEASE stop fooling yourself, before somebody gets hurt.

EastCoastMojo wrote:

Mazdax605 wrote: I don't care about the pool, but kids don't know any better and they like it. We don't use it often, except to pee in it.

I put that part in for humor.

FTFY

I've been estranged from my family for over 10 years now, over stuff that was a lot smaller than your situation. Would you tolerate how your brother acts if he weren't family? If not there's no reason to do so just because you share some genetic material. My advice - cut ties. Your kids will get over it quickly and easily, mine sure did. And for the sake of his son, try to get some help for 'roid rager from a distance.

SVreX wrote:

Mazdax605 wrote: Now to the part that has me steamed even more.

This is a problem. Your sister in law is in a terrible and possibly very dangerous situation. So is your nephew. You should be significantly MORE concerned about your brother and his substance abuse and violent behavior than the fact that she was ungrateful about what present you gave her. You are gonna need some thicker skin. Your family, your sister,your sister in law, and your nephew ALL need you to rise up and be the bigger man.

Mazdax605 wrote: Am I out of line to be hurt by this? What should I do about it? Should I confront her about it or just let it stew like I do with lots of other things that happen in the family? Should I get involved with the previous story about the way my brother treated my sister? Or should I just pretend nothing happened,and live my life?

I understand WHY you are hurt. It's not that you are wrong to feel hurt, but your feelings are not helpful. Get them out of the way so you can help your brother your sister, and your SIL. As long as you are worried about your pride and your own hurt feelings, you are completely out of focus and useless to helping the family crisis. They need you. Man up. Swallow your pride. Your brother is a ticking timebomb. So much so that someone could get hurt. How can you think of pretending nothing happened? You may or may not be the person to talk to him, but you can certainly be the person who is orchestrating for change and getting the help your family needs, even if it is behind the scenes. You are thinking clearly and recognizing the problems appropriately. That's a good thing. Maybe no one else in your family has the vision you do. Time for some tough love. Show your love by doing the hard things necessary. Get involved. Get help. Quickly.

Thanks for the advice. The blow up has me concerned, but the fact that I wasn't there for it puts me at a disadvantage I suppose in calling out his actions. I plan on getting involved very soon. I am just not sure how I go about it at this point. Be aggressive, or diplomatic?

I appreciate the input. I do have thick skin usually but that info hit me right in the gut, and put me over the edge with that part of family and there actions. Thanks for helping refocusing my thoughts.

SVreX wrote: I'm really not trying to beat up on you- I'm on your side, but I gotta say one more thing. You are living in denial. You can't win a fistfight against an aggressive violent man on 'roids, and things aren't going to get better if you stick your head in the sand and pretend nothing happened. Things will get a LOT worse. PLEASE stop fooling yourself, before somebody gets hurt.

I am not going to get in a fight with him that is for sure. And I am not going to argue about the results of said hypothetical fight. Lets just say I can handle myself though. Fighting isn't all strength and aggressiveness. Not to worry though as it won't happen.

turboswede wrote:

EastCoastMojo wrote:

Mazdax605 wrote: I don't care about the pool, but kids don't know any better and they like it. We don't use it often, except to pee in it.

I put that part in for humor.

FTFY

Thanks for the laugh. I needed that. 8 hrs sleep over the last 2.5 days hasn't allowed for much of that.