Just Spoke to my Half-brother...

...for the first time ever.

Found out about a week ago that I have a half brother I never knew about. Apparently his mother had absolutely refused for my dad to have any part in his life, and he wasn't sure what had happened to the guy. So, he's 21 now and decided to track my dad down and send him a letter, which he showed to me.

That was an... awkward conversation. Apparently my dad hasn't contacted him back. Guy didn't know he has two older half brothers. Wish I could go out for a beer with him or something, but he's on the other side of the country. Mostly, I just wanted him to know he has brothers he didn't know about and that at least one of us gives a damn about it.

Anyway... it was kind of intense and hasn't fully sunk in yet, so I'm just leaving this here.

My wife was at work as a fire marshal in the old StL Chrysler plant. A man approached her asking about her name. Knew a man by the name of [her fathers name]. She said it was her father. She soon realized that it was not her father, but his half brother... who apparently has the exact same name.

Good luck with that relationship. He obviously is interested in his family. Good luck.

Dang. Thats big. Ive always thought that if that situation came to me, that I would be an open and loving person. I would try to meet him sometime. It would be a good, bonding experience for brothers-from-other-mothers.

Wow. I hope this turns out well for all of you.

Wow. Congratulations on finding new family, that's kinda cool.

Wow. I feel this kind of thing only happens in movies. Hope it works out, though.

My mom had a similar situation with her 1/2 brother. She has maintained contact throughout his crazy life and he appreciates it. I hope it works out.

My friend's mom was adopted. She never had any interest in finding her birth parents.

When she was in her 50's, she was contacted by her birth mother and eventually met her and they are fairly close. Her mother was very young when she got pregnant. The crazy part is that she and the birth father got married and had twelve more kids. The father refused to allow her to contact her daughter. She did shortly after he died.

I'd wait a month before telling him he has to help out in the paddock.

Nah, but seriously man, what an earth-shaker. If he's willing to get to know you, good deal. Just don't go in with any expectations.

Does he know the deal about Miatas?

I have an older half sister I did not meet till I was 30. My mom gave her up for adoption in 1968 and she was taken in my mormons from utah. It's a long story, but she found my mome and is now very much a part of the family.

My Dad was a bit of a rounder, it is quite possible I have kin I don't know about. There is also a possibility that I have a child in West Virginia who would be about 45 now. Don't know for sure, as the girlfriend disappeared from Columbus where I was going to school. Strange old memories.

My oldest brother is my half brother. I didn't know he existed or meet him until I was 16 and he was 20; at the time he was all skinned up from laying his Kawasaki H1 down on a Houston street. We got along famously immediately. But yeah it was a bit of a shock.

best of luck

Kudos to you for being interested.

My own half-brother hasn't been around the last 15 years or so, and now that he's trying to be, I have to say the idea of trying to find time to incorporate someone else into my busy schedule is less than appealing.

Yes, I'm a terrible person.

z31maniac wrote: Yes, I'm a terrible person.

No, you're not.

I don't have any siblings so maybe I don't get it.

If he hasn't been "family" for this long already, will he ever be?

Apart from a relationship on a genetic level, do you really share anything else with this person?

I've got adopted cousins who have been in my family since they were babies, they're family as far as I'm concerned.

Like I said, maybe I don't get it. I think the "family" thing comes from shared experiences more than shared genetic material.

Shawn

Good luck with it. My Dad discovered he has a half-brother in Chile, about 5 years ago now. His son found reference to my Dad's existence via the Internet, and made first contact. The two families exchanged emails and phonecalls for a while, and shortly after that, visits. They're all really nice people, totally easy going, and he runs an Aerial Photography business over in Chile, flying little Cessnas over the Andes. I'm hoping to make a trip there next year.

Anyway, I hope your new-found family situation works out as well as it has for us.

I am an adopted kid. Ultra-short version; when I was around 31 I briefly searched for, and found, my birth mom. That experience was a truly beneficial one, but boy, what a emotional roller coaster ride.

As I grew up an only child, and I'm a guy obsessed with cars, the idea of having siblings never even crossed my mind. I was totally shocked to find out I had 3 half-sibs, a brother (oldest child) and two sisters. Every member of that family was welcoming and polite, but I really don't have much of a relationship with most of them. The brother is politely indifferent (maybe because I'm now the oldest?), and the middle sister shares sarcastic jabs with me on FB but her life is otherwise in constant turmoil, so I stay out of it. The youngest is most like me, incredibly sharp, and doesn't live far from me. Golden relationship when we talk, but her 3 kids and going to school while working don't allow me to spend much time with her, yet.

Not sure what advice I can give. 21 may be a bit young for this guy to handle the newfound relationships, so tread slowly. There's a lot of emotions that you can't foresee in something like this. They take awhile to get through. Setting ground rules isn't a bad idea, and they can always be adjusted or discarded until you know each other better. If you're compatible, you found a cool new friend. If you really don't have much in common, then a more restrictive relationship is probably best for everyone. My siblings are all decent people, and my youngest sister fills me with great pride, because she's really doing stuff with her life. Most of all, it pleases the heck out of my birth mom that we all get along and can come together for occasional all-family gatherings.

I'd encourage your Dad to at least have a basic, friendly dialogue with the guy and answer whatever questions he may have. He doesn't have to be a 'father' to the kid, but being rejected completely (again, in his mind) is pretty cruel treatment. Typically, there's a lot of contact right off, but unless the two of them really hit it off it will fade back to something else in a year or two. That's pretty typical from everything I've read and others I've spoken with.

A good friend of mine found out a couple of months ago that his mom was a bit of a fun time in her teens...He has two older half brothers, all 3 of them from different dads, none knew about the others, until one adoptive mom was dying, and told the oldest brother.

It turns out they all share common interests, and having seen a few pics, there is little doubt they are related. It seems the three of them are very pleased with finding each other.

Streetwiseguy wrote: A good friend of mine found out a couple of months ago that his mom was a bit of a fun time in her teens...He has two older half brothers, all 3 of them from different dads, none knew about the others, until one adoptive mom was dying, and told the oldest brother. It turns out they all share common interests, and having seen a few pics, there is little doubt they are related. It seems the three of them are very pleased with finding each other.

Your mother's a whore, Trebeck!

My girlfriend donated eggs in college, about 4 or 5 years ago now, so chances are good there's a little one running around with half of her genetic material. And there's a good chance that in another 10-15 years her little petri dish may come knocking on the door. The contract is ironclad - the offspring or their parents have no legal right to anything from her, but they can get her information if they want it. That's gonna be weird.

Similar situation, But short story my biological father took off when I was 4. At the same time that side of the family decided to go their own way too. When I was 5 my mother married who I consider to be my Dad.

I found my biological father when I was 18. Apparently 20 minutes from where I lived. He had a big extended family sons daughter grandchildren. It was going OK. He said something about my Mom and it ended in me kicking his ass. Which in I think was the only reason I found him in the first place. The rest just pissed me off.

My Dad ended up picking me up at the police station and smoothing over the situation I pretty sure he gave the bastard money to drop the charges. I haven't spoken to him in 15 years and I'm good with it. His freaking kids all want to be facebook friends and reconnect. I have made it known to these people I want nothing to do with them and they don't get it.

So I guess to sum it up these things are not always rainbows and gum drops and be careful what you wish for.

Didn't know I had a half sister until I was in my late twenties, but then again I didn't know that the guy I thought was my dad is actually my step dad.

We've only got very loose contact but it's still better to know that they're out there than not knowing about it.

Yeah, meeting isn't going to happen for a while, at least, since we're on different coasts of this big country, and I'm about to be heading out for a while. I don't know what I want to do. I'm 30, and don't really have strong feelings one way or the other. I'd kind of like to get to know the guy, but don't know that I'll ever become good friends with him. I suspect his feelings about the situation are stronger than mine. So, I've made initial contact, and if he wants to stay in contact with me, he's welcome to.

I have decided that it is up to my dad to tell the guy about himself and his life and whatever may have happened with the guy's mom. Closest to that I told him was that to the best of my knowledge our dad got together with his mom a little after he got divorced from my mom, only cause the guy was surprised that his half-siblings are older, not younger.

I'm frustrated that my dad has not contacted the guy yet, and hasn't told my grandfather or brother about him yet. Makes the guy's existence a secret within the family that now I'm kind of burdened with keeping because it really should be my dad who tells the family about the guy first.

My father was contacted by a woman who was his older half sister when he was in his mid '50s. She wouldn't tell "us" a whole lot about herself and to this day we aren't all that sure why she waited so long or why she bothered after so long. Because we never got all that much personal info out of her (she died about 5 years ago), we still don't know if she was the only older sibling or even how much older than my Dad she was. To sort of complicate matters, she lied to her company so she could remain on the job past what would have been her mandatory retirement age.