Random thoughts thread

In reply to Recon1342 :

I'm mostly ok. It's been a bit rough with everything going on at Christmas which was a ridiculously big deal in our house, my dad's headstone getting set last week, his birthday yesterday, and not hearing from her other than the sporadic emoji every few days. I miss being an emotionless drone. Atleast work is generally slow enough that if I need to go and hide for a few minutes and collect myself no one minds. On the bright side my therapist is back to taking my calls so they're getting a workout. 

In reply to Wally (Forum Supporter) :

I'm pulling for you, amigo. 
 

Pulling for both of you guys.

What if its red and white?

In reply to Recon1342 :

For you as well.

In reply to matthewmcl (Forum Supporter) :

Thank You 

Now today's anxiety. It was a really really slow morning.  No one stuck, no equipment issues. I got to snap a few nice Christmas wintery picks as she likes getting them. I see that since yesterday morning none or the messages went through. Now we play is it a phone problem, was I blocked, or worse. Some days being slow is worse than being busy. 

In reply to Wally (Forum Supporter) :

Sometimes, after mostly losing signal for a while, my phone will go into "emergency calls only" mode and not come back out until a power cycle. No calls in, messages out don't go out, but all other features, wifi, etc. keep working.

In reply to matthewmcl (Forum Supporter) :

They went through a few minutes ago, time to see what I get bothered by next

She started texting me a little tonight. They moved her to another part of the hospital with bad reception and the messages were garbled but it was good to hear a little something anyway. Thanks for following along with my slow motion mental breakdown.

In reply to Wally (Forum Supporter) :

You’ve been through a lot in a short time bud, I think you’re doing better than many of us would.   I stopped lurking and signed up here so I could send condolences. You’re a good man, you made the most of your time with your wife and it’s so damn unfair that you’ve had to endure what you’ve had to.  I’m praying for some miracles to head you’re way soon!

Wally (Forum Supporter) said:

Thanks for following along with my slow motion mental breakdown.

Doing it in slow motion only proves your strength! Love you, brother!

In reply to 11GTCS :

Thank you, I'm praying for a few miracles as well. It was a relief to know this was more of a technical problem. She got me through a really dark time this summer and I'm really hoping she gets through this and back to her kid soon. I hate seeing things happen to such good people like her.

In reply to AngryCorvair (Forum Supporter) :

Everything I do is in slow motion lol, thank you I've been on an interesting adventure in so many ways this year. 

AngryCorvair (Forum Supporter) said:

Wally (Forum Supporter) said:

Thanks for following along with my slow motion mental breakdown.

Doing it in slow motion only proves your strength! Love you, brother!

I was just about to say that. The fact that you haven't already collapsed by now means this doesn't qualify as a breakdown. 
 

Appleseed said:

What if its red and white?

I had a minor collision when I first started as a bus driver and was sued for $5 million.  When I gave my deposition the guys lawyer asked about the make of bus a dozen different times like he was trying to get me to contradict myself.  He kept acting confused but the brand and asking odd questions and at one point I said it was a pretty white bus with a blue stripe and wheels, it looks like a big aspirin.  The stenographer burst out laughing. 

In reply to Duke :

Not yet but I am probably headed that way. She's back to being super chatty again and I forgot to go to sleep last night.  Today should be interesting. 

Glad you've reconnected Wally. Hey, at least you've got a good reason for being worn out today! Sometimes it's well worth it. 

It's a dark night. The sliver of moon settled a little while after the sun. Flying at 1,500' above the ground, there is no horizon and the stars blend with the few ground lights. Even the night vision goggles don't do much except multiply the stars and amplify the few lights in the hills. Best to keep the searchlight off and dim the cockpit way down.

Later, approaching the city there's too much ground light. With the NVGs it's hard to pick out the landmark lights in the clutter. Best to flip them up. Quiet dark air, but we've been flying sideways across the ground with a 45 knot crosswind. I'm glad to arrive.

My crew brings coffee for the flight home. Funny, the older aircraft I've flown all had ashtrays even though they were placarded “No Smoking, No Fumar, Rauchen Verboten!”. None of them ever had a cup holder. I set the Styrofoam cup on the floor behind my left foot. Flying home the eastern horizon starts to define with the goggles as sunrise is two hours away.

Back at base now. Too late for a nap. It would just make waking back up more painful. I'll get my sleep at home. Might as well see what GRM is up to.

Edit: Found/added a couple pics from other nights to illustrate it.

In reply to AAZCD (Forum Supporter) :

That sunrise pic is beautiful.  I always wanted to be a helicopter pilot but my seriously lack of coordination scared me off.  Your story sounds how I pictured it in a good way. 

Yesterday was very up and down, the rest of the week will likely be no different.

I slept in until about 6:30, bundled up and walked 2 1/2 hours on deserted snow covered trails.  It was beautiful out. I don't know why dad complained so much about walking to school like this lol. Then it was shopping time. We're trying like hell to have a good Christmas even though two of our favorite people are missing. I was asked to put together a baked ziti. Simple enough but we always make a production anyway. First stop is Mario's, a production bakery that supplies fresh bread and pasta to area Italian restaurants and lunatics like myself for the noodles.  Long preholiday lines and a tiny shop gives my plenty of time to think about how much I miss everything and everyone that's been lost. I get my pasta, a still hot bastone that I eat in the car on my way to the next stop, and a crumb cake to leave my mother in law who I can't visit because Covid is working it's way through the development.

From there it's a small grocery store for the rest of my supplies.  Fresh Mozzarella, tree shaped butter, meat for the sauce etc. I have always loved grocery stores at Christmas time with the decorations and displays and music. I think it's because I always had to go with my dad on his 7up route and help. He loved putting together good displays and would go all out making signs at home with glitter and paint, having big Santa's and such. It was no fun this year.

Then a little win. My brother, while the good son, is not a minister but a good Christian high school teacher married to a pastors daughter. Since this is not a normal time, with the reverend passing and two replacements being quarantined he was tagged in to run Sunday service at the last minute.  I watched the live stream in my car and considering how nervous he was putting it together Saturday night I thought he did very well.  A comfortable speaker, a few funny comments, you can see why they like him more.  

Link to service:

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=872382896897362&id=1547458475471046

I got home and decided to make the sauce so I could just assemble it Christmas Day.  I have been avoiding the dream kitchen for the last seven months and it was difficult to start Christmas dinner. I had the radio turned up, and pushed on but it was hard. 

Another win. She was moved to another part of the hospital for some of the day with better phone service to talk to family. I got regular messages with full sentences.  She walked me through cooking and said she missed seeing Christmas lights this year. I was ready to get back out of the house anyway so I got my best Hallmark movie flannel, the dog, and a mug of cocoa and took the Jeep out to see some lights. Where there was service I FaceTimed them otherwise I sent pics and video. It sounds insane but it really helped somehow. 
 

I finished the night with a long call to my brother. He was looking for some honest feedback on his service. I think he was surprised that I agreed with everyone else that it was a very good job. He is a bit afraid that they'll ask him to do it again. 
 

Today will be interesting for a few reasons, luckily I get to talk to the doc this afternoon. 

berkeley.  Just berkeley. 23 years ago today was our first date. I brought flowers to the cemetery today, but without the stone installed yet I'm not entirely sure I am in the right spot. I put a marker here but the snow buried it. I paced it out from the road so I'm close and it really doesn't berkeleying matter but it's just one more thing to go wrong.  

She knows you're there Wally, she knows.    I'm so sorry you have all these reminders all at once to deal with, I pray it will get easier for you in time.   Sorry, it's getting dusty in here.

Wally (Forum Supporter) said:

In reply to AAZCD (Forum Supporter) :

That sunrise pic is beautiful.  I always wanted to be a helicopter pilot but my seriously lack of coordination scared me off.  Your story sounds how I pictured it in a good way. 

Thanks Wally, If you handle a big city bus full of people in big city traffic, I don't doubt that you'd do fine with a helicopter.

In reply to 11GTCS :

Thank you, the rest of the day got better but the morning took some work. 

In reply to AAZCD (Forum Supporter) :

The consequences for my screwups are far less. I rode in one once and the pilot had a lot going on. It was an awesome ride but so much to remember.