Suicide

I haven't personally ever had thoughts of suicide--or at least no serious thoughts about it, none that lasted more than 2 seconds. I have dealt with it though, and stopped someone from taking their life.

And while I don't suffer from depression, again, I have dealt with it in other people. It sucks. Ever read Harry Potter? The Dementors are JK Rowlings personification of depression, and it is scarily accurate.

I can't wait for the day that we're in a position that we can have a dog. That is the one thing that, in the situation we're in, can "cure" depression. Don't want to get out of bed? Dog is gonna make you. Don't want to exercise? Dog is going to make you walk. Don't want to feel happy? Dog doesn't give a E36 M3, he/she will make you give it a tummy rub and scratch behind the ears and under the collar and cheer you up, whether you like it or not.

Not for everyone, obviously. But it works for this situation.

I've been reading and I'm glad I decided to. That is all.

Lancer007 wrote: Of all the places to work that someone does this, a refugee resettlement program? If there are people that have probably been through some E36 M3 its them and they're still going and keeping on. Seeing some of the stuff refugees have gone through makes a lot of my problems seem really mundane.

I shared a similar opinion. Some of these people have seen some horrible crap (experienced some horrible stuff), they come to the USA, get a job, have a few kids, and live happily knowing they survived.

I wonder if people with suicidal tendencies are more open and vocal about their emotions or tend be more introverted and keep their thoughts to themselves.

Someone said it earlier, that suicidal thoughts can be an impulse. Can those thoughts be broken up by talking it out with someone else, rather than being "trapped" inside one's own head?

So, everything South of the Panama Canal is worse than death? I find it hard to believe that there isn't one nice place in all of South America where you could happily live out your years.

pinchvalve wrote: So, everything South of the Panama Canal is worse than death? I find it hard to believe that there isn't one nice place in all of South America where you could happily live out your years.

I would park my balloon propelled house to the right of the falls.

Major problem with geographical cures is that no matter where you go, there you are.

We bring what is in our heads with us to torment us at the new location.

And in response to a former question, talking helps in many cases. But those that are serious are usually not going to talk about it, just do it.

And this thread is a perfect place for me to bring up a program that I fully support called mental health first aid. It teaches laymen to see and help others with the signs of mental health crisis until the professionals can step in.

For those of us living with a mental illness, id reccomend a program called illness management and recovery or the wellness/recovery action plan. Both very good programs, but no replacement for a real human being to talk through things with and guide us out the other side of the dark times.

My best friend of the past 14 years, (and being only 19 myself that's the majority of my life) has anxiety and struggles with depression. It got worse about 5 years ago, and I've spent a lot of time talking her through things. We were roommates at college this past year, and at first the geographical cure seemed to help. She was enjoying everything being new and fresh. It didn't last. We'd spend long nights sitting outside when she had panic attacks, me just rambling about anything that came to mind. She said it helped. During second semester, it was really wearing on her and she started hurting herself. I threw out any knives, razors, and scissors that were in the dorm and tried to be there as much as possible. Over and over again she'd try to explain why she felt that way, but she never really could. This all came to a point where I'd just gotten out of class and I got a call. It was her, she was sobbing, she told me to come take the razor away (I still don't know where she'd been hiding it) because she was going to do it. And I ran. I've never run across a campus faster. She's getting better now, and I guess my point is that if someone is going to do it they will. But if someone wants help, be there to help.

KatieSuddard wrote: My best friend of the past 14 years, (and being only 19 myself that's the majority of my life) has anxiety and struggles with depression. It got worse about 5 years ago, and I've spent a lot of time talking her through things. We were roommates at college this past year, and at first the geographical cure seemed to help. She was enjoying everything being new and fresh. It didn't last. We'd spend long nights sitting outside when she had panic attacks, me just rambling about anything that came to mind. She said it helped. During second semester, it was really wearing on her and she started hurting herself. I threw out any knives, razors, and scissors that were in the dorm and tried to be there as much as possible. Over and over again she'd try to explain why she felt that way, but she never really could. This all came to a point where I'd just gotten out of class and I got a call. It was her, she was sobbing, she told me to come take the razor away (I still don't know where she'd been hiding it) because she was going to do it. And I ran. I've never run across a campus faster. She's getting better now, and I guess my point is that if someone is going to do it they will. But if someone wants help, be there to help.

BTDT. Keep up the good fight. Make sure you have a good support system in place for yourself, because in time it will wear on you and you can start to come to the conclusion that you just don't care about it anymore. Obviously, you do care, but you are tired of it--your support system will keep you involved with it, and keep you from burning out. And your support system doesn't have to be entirely made up of people. Mine is my family, 2 close friends, hockey, autocross, dogs, golf, and books--to quote Grandma, "Books are your best friend". Whatever you do to find comfort.

Also, I hope that your friend is getting professional help. You guys are in college--there is a myriad of support available through school counselors, Psychiatrists, etc.

When I was a new apprentice over 30 years ago we were stripping out old piping from an industrial plant's basement in order for new construction. As we went, the journeymen were showing me rigging/ knots for roping down piping and future construction.

I knew little of rigging and was only goofing when I showed them how to tie a hangman's noose, I use to have one made of cord hanging from my rear view mirror. I joked that it was a size 13 neck tie for our shiny happy person boss. Nobody there had ever tied one before, one guy found it interesting but he liked to learn everything, so I thought.

Couple weeks later this guy failed to show for work three days in a row and family had no idea where he was. Then word came in that he hanged himself in the woods. Everybody agreed that this 30 y/o guy had it made w/ work, home, family etc. To this day nobody knows why.

I still wonder what he was thinking when I tied that noose, how I might have inadvertantly affected one person's life at the wrong time w/o knowing it, how I could have made a difference had there been any sign, but there was none.

That still berkeleys my mind up.

In reply to mtn: She's seeing the school counselor once a week now, so that's good. And worry not, I've got friends, family, and plenty of books. Also, (and this is more of an in general thing for anyone) crocheting/knitting really helps if you're feeling down. It's a repetitive motion that leaves you to think and meditate on things. And once you've thought through your issue, you have a fluffy scarf or hat! I spent the majority of my time at the $2013 Challenge making a hat while manning the booth, and then I got to wear the hat when it got cold in the evening.

http://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/cs/

http://www.mentalhealthrecovery.com/wrap/

http://www.recoverywithinreach.org/education/imr

as someone who has struggled with depression for decades, i have been to these deep dark places and although i have never seen it as a option for myself, i have gotten so down that i CAN see why people do it....closet i have come is i just want to go to sleep and wake me up when i am feeling better, i have been to all the doctors and tried all the pills and still go and still take their pills, but there is NO HAPPY PILL, there is no pill that will put a E36 M3 eating grin on your face and have you slaping everybody on the back say how fantastic everything is, they do not make that pill........i have not read all of of the above posts, but dont judge a person who does it until you walk in their shoes, this has been a topic on this board before and i have received some very supportive messages from you guys and alot of times the only thing that will make me laugh is the funny E36 M3 posted on here by all levels of professions, in my case, and i just say this to try and explain the feeling, i have it all, money, house, trucks, cars you name it, i have lost count of the things that i bought thinking "if i just had that car, house, boat, plane, vacation etc i WOULD be happy" but it dont work like that, if you have this illness all the friggin money in the world can not change how you feel...it is very hard to explain, it's just something you cannot fix, you just have to constantly work on it....i have rambled on here and you guys can say or think what you want but until you have it full blown you will not understand, i did read in one of the first post the guy would hike the applaction trail before he would kill hiself...that is very close to the same thing...except i would hike the trail and never come back or been seen or heard from again, it's like having 10 millon bucks in the bank and you cannot figure out why you are sitting on the edge of you bed crying....i hope the guys that dont understand it never experience it because it really sucks...have you ever had a nighmare that something horrible happened to your child right in front of you and you were powerless to do anything about it...then you wake up and realize it was a nightmare but you still FEEL in your mind that it really happened....somtimes that is how it feels sometimes i call it EXTREME BOREDOM......boredom that no race car, big house, garage or bank account can cure...

Is anyone familiar with Desiderata? I have a copy hanging in my office.

PHeller wrote: I wonder if people with suicidal tendencies are more open and vocal about their emotions or tend be more introverted and keep their thoughts to themselves. Someone said it earlier, that suicidal thoughts can be an impulse. Can those thoughts be broken up by talking it out with someone else, rather than being "trapped" inside one's own head?

Its a crapshoot.....really it is. The hardest part about this is filtering out those who are doing it for attention or who really will do it. They come in both the flavors you've mentioned.

My best friend of the past 14 years, (and being only 19 myself that's the majority of my life) has anxiety and struggles with depression. It got worse about 5 years ago, and I've spent a lot of time talking her through things. We were roommates at college this past year, and at first the geographical cure seemed to help. She was enjoying everything being new and fresh. It didn't last. We'd spend long nights sitting outside when she had panic attacks, me just rambling about anything that came to mind. She said it helped. During second semester, it was really wearing on her and she started hurting herself. I threw out any knives, razors, and scissors that were in the dorm and tried to be there as much as possible. Over and over again she'd try to explain why she felt that way, but she never really could. This all came to a point where I'd just gotten out of class and I got a call. It was her, she was sobbing, she told me to come take the razor away (I still don't know where she'd been hiding it) because she was going to do it. And I ran. I've never run across a campus faster. She's getting better now, and I guess my point is that if someone is going to do it they will. But if someone wants help, be there to help.

this is what helps and saves people that suffer with this, having people reach out to you and maybe that little extra attention will make more difference than you can ever know....i can be losing control and getting bad and somebody says hey, are you ok? you blow it off and say yes not wanting to burden them but them they say, no i mean it are you ok, can we talk and BOOM the sun comes out and it can last for weeks...so if you know or suspect someone has this condition reach out to them, that 4 or 5 min's of attention can save their life.

If you want to get an idea of why people do it...it could be a carefully considered, rational and logical decision.

Picture this. Your life is so crappy that your day-to-day reality makes you very sad. You wake up, experience crushing misery all day for objectively valid reasons, sleep, repeat. You evaluate the chance of your life improving as negligibly slim. Do you keep suffering through more "legitimate" misery with no end in sight, or put an end to it?

I nearly put an end to it in the mid-00s, my plans were ruined only by chance. Talking it out with someone probably would have dissuaded me but I didn't want to lose the courage to do it or have anyone thwart my plans so I kept it completely secret.

I didn't realize it at the time but the stress and misery of being in university (went in at 16...probably not smart for a number of reasons) was a significant factor in making my life awful. Getting out of there took a big burden off me. I left without a degree so my future prospects became even worse, but the present wasn't so hard to tolerate.

My life's still objectively crappy, but not so bad that the misery of it is constantly making itself known and can't be ignored. I try not to think about how bad things are, but when I do, I never think that offing myself could be a decent option.

there are different forms "Situational Depression" caused by actual issues, job, money family etc....then there is the Black Dog, that cannot be attributed to anything other a illness, Winston Churchil called it his black dog, he self medicated with alcahol which in it self is a depressant.....

Thank you all for sharing. To everyone here who posted about the depression you are going though, hang in there. I know it's lame and doesn't really help, but I want you all to stick around so I can read about your E36 M3. It would suck to lose you.

It's crazy how attached you can become to your interweb peeps. I remember how sad I was when I heard Pigeon had passed, someone who I never met.

Jeff wrote: It's crazy how attached you can become to your interweb peeps. I remember how sad I was when I heard Pigeon had passed, someone who I never met.

Yes, I remember that day well. Getting the call that he had passed was like a slow motion dream. I just kept thinging "this can't be happening, he was just posting on the board last week".

This board has really helped me keep a clear mind and focus on the positive. When I do get depressed and consider ending it all, one thing that keeps me going is not wanting to disappoint my "internet peeps" by taking the easy way out. Seems so pathetic when I type it out, but sometimes it's the silly stuff that keeps me hanging on.

I've got a sketch in my head I'd like to make a painting of. It's of a man, a run to death saddled horse, and the hounds of hell chasing and closing in. The rider was riding hell bent for leather to escape them; but the horse dropped dead, and they're right there, closing in. There is no escape, no hope. I wanted it painted in shades of red and orange.

Some days those hounds are very close. They've been known to stay close for years at a time.

AA gave me the most powerful tool I've ever used for surviving. One day at a time. That's the most I ever take on. Some days, it's a lot smaller pieces.

It's not always dark. There are many sunny days. But on the horizon, around the edges; black birds flutter and fly, shadows move. The voices always whisper "lonely", "mistake", "go ahead". Sometimes they shout and scream.

It's worse when I'm alone, and that can be with many people around me.

it truly can be a day to day struggle...

I tried to write about meds... (legal and less so), I tried to write about dysfunction, I tried to write about anxiety, and anger, loathing, and depression...

the best I came up with is... it truly is a day to day struggle...

The wrote: but there is NO HAPPY PILL, there is no pill that will put a E36 M3 eating grin on your face and have you slaping everybody on the back say how fantastic everything is, they do not make that pill........

As much as the advertising we're bombarded with daily would want us to believe there are "happy pills", there really aren't. Best I've found is "I no longer compulsively contemplate the pros and cons of blowing my brains out with a 12 gauge every night" pills, and those only work if nothing is in my face stressing me out. And on those, I need more pills to make me sleep and pills to (somewhat) even out a very undesirable, not family forum friendly side effect of SSRIs.

Cocaine. It's a hell of a drug.

I've got a sketch in my head I'd like to make a painting of. It's of a man, a run to death saddled horse, and the hounds of hell chasing and closing in. The rider was riding hell bent for leather to escape them; but the horse dropped dead, and they're right there, closing in. There is no escape, no hope. I wanted it painted in shades of red and orange.

dude, that gave me the chills just to read it.......hang tough, i keep asking people for the last couple of years, Is this it, is this as good as it gets???

I never step foot in my high school until I was a substitute teacher.

When I was was a teenager, I was going through some serious depressive episodes, occasional manic episodes, and serious anxiety and panic attacks. Due to this, I missed a lot of school. Attended less than 60% of 7th grade, and 30% of 8th grade. During this time, the truant officers came around, and it ended up in the court system, even though I had doctor's notes as to the reason why I was missing so many days.

The first judge working our case was a complete dick. He actually called my psych and demanded to speak with him while he was with a patient. This was a really low part of my life. At that point, I wanted to end it, and still don't know why I didn't.

Luckily, after that session in court, all of the truancy cases were reassigned to another judge that recognized me from being in his daughter's "smart kid class" in elementary school. He asked my age, and how long it would be before I could study for my 10th grade FCAT (at the time, that test is what determined high school graduation). I told him I could do it now, but I wasn't old enough yet. You had to be 16 to take the tests, but it was arranged so that I could take them early.

Took the test, passed, no more school, same feeling still around, even though I was "free" at 16.

Managed to meet a car guy through 3geez .com at a meet that lived in my town. Having a friend helped me out a lot, but I'd still not feel right.

Then I got to the age I needed to work. First job, computer shop, making $10-$12 an hour for an 18 year old kid, not too shabby a decade ago. Worked there for a while, felt like the clock was running down, and I hit bottom again.

Ever since thing, I've always hit bottom when I do something. I did manage to stay with one company for 2 and a half years, but that was because they kinda let me do my own thing.

I've made the "help me" phone call, spent time in facilities, been on every pill known to man it seems, and it's still there.

Bridges were always my go to, since I got to take my car with me. Being in Florida, there are plenty of tall bridges you can flip a car off of. Even as a kid, I biked across the perfect bridge at least 3 times a week, and I thought about it every time.