Switching jobs, or not switching jobs. Etiquette questions

Long story longer:  I work as a theater tech director for a non-profit community theater.  I love the work.  I do the work in spite of the pitfalls; the board sucks, we are usually on a shoestring budget, I don't get paid much.  I'm not money-driven and my mortgage is dirt cheap, so I don't really need massive paychecks.  I'm one of those who would rather have rewarding work than to hate my job for a big payday.  I'm also not one of those who has to have a job lined up before quitting.  If a job doesn't work out, I have enough saved that I can live comfortably for many months before finding another job if necessary.

Current job is comfy.  My co-workers and boss trust me implicitly.  I set my own budgets, have my own credit card, and there is next to zero oversight.  I stay in budget, I finish sets, I don't steal stuff, they love me.  I'm a "set it and forget it" entity.  I just exist without headache for them and always exceed expectations in their eyes.  I have a re-purposed soda vending machine full of beer in the shop, and I sometimes smoke weed with the boss.  It's that kind of job.  Chill.  Fun.

I recently interviewed with a Christian University for the same basic position plus teaching two tech classes.  I have a feeling it could be a lot of bureaucracy, excessive accountability, and a more corporate feeling.

Long story short:  I'm not sure I can accept a position with the University unless the money was stoopid good.  My Etiquette question comes in the form of.... how do I break the news?  I would love to be paid more for the work I do (because I do a ton of it).  So let's say I'm currently getting $40k/yr (which is close to what I get) and the University offers $45k.  Is it kosher to say to the powers-that-be at my theater, "hey, I was just offered a job for $45k, care to match it?"  Is it fair to say "I don't really want to leave, so meet in the middle at $42.5k?"  I'm not a business-minded guy, and my theater is kind of my family.  I know it's all just business, but I don't want to piss anyone off, or rock the boat enough that I draw scrutiny where there was none before.

Really short version:  I am likely getting an offer for a job but after having the interview I probably won't accept it as the position is likely not a good fit.  If they offer more than what I'm getting now, what is the etiquette for negotiating a raise?

You make the call.  Stay at what you make or leave for more.  Calling out the offer for a raise has never been cool to me - my opinion.  I call it holding the current employer hostage.  Now if your wages are not up to market that's another issue.

Now saying that my past job froze raises and bonuses for five years and I ragged about more money but there was other reasons the company didn't pay out.  They offered me extra vacation days or a weekend to Vegas on the company credit card points. 

So my old job calls me back and after I give my notice my boss asks - is there anything we can do to keep you?  (You guys been listening to me the past 5 years?).  

If the current job has the budget, I'd bring it up. If they don't, what good does bringing it up do? Just from what I've seen on this board, $400 a month won't change how you live, and the current job is more your vibe. 

No harm in asking. Sounds like you're one of their biggest risks, if you leave, they'll have a hard time replacing you. So ask.

When I have my annual performance convo with my boss, I'm bringing up the fact that inflation has killed my salary, and I'll start looking for better pay if I can't get a big raise. 

My understanding is that accepting a counter offer is never a good idea.  If someone offers you more money and the job is as good/better, it's a no brainer.  Take the job.  But as soon as you go back to the current employer and tell them you are thinking of leaving, things change.  Even if they pay you more to stay, in their mind you will seem less loyal.  Better to just ask for a raise based upon merit than a threat to leave.

I agree with the others here. Holding a different offer over your current employers head is a crap sandwich and they won't forget the taste. If you are being paid less than market for the job you are doing it's fair to ask for more. It's also fair to leave but I never like the I have another offer game. 

I'd sooner take a beating with a brick stick than do a teaching job.

Seems like the chill job is worth the slightly lower pay.

Not enough more money for the added headache, to me.

I like the angle of bringing up merit and maybe sprinkling in inflation like mtn mentioned.

So you have enough money, don't need more money and aren't hurting for more money? So.....what exactly is the upside of the teaching job???

Is there another reason why you don't like the current job? Because if it was me I wouldn't even think about the new job and holding it over the current jobs head is gonna destroy the current jobs chillness

Yeah, holding up another job as a comparison is not a good look..  but bringing up industry standard pay in a yearly review is expected practice, and if you feel you should have an adjustment, that's the time to bring it up.

You are underpaid. You are a critical component of the success of the operations of the theatre. You work for a non-profit, and therefore budgets are arbitrary. The only thing they'd have to do to pay you more is a little more fundraising. 
 

Ive seen your work, and am familiar with your industry. 
 

Ask for a raise. 
 

Don't muddy the waters with mentioning another job offer. 
 

And don't just ask for a raise... ask for a good raise. $2500 is a joke. Don't undersell yourself. 
 

Use an inflation calculator to see how much you are losing. For example, if you were hired in 2015 and haven't had a raise, inflation has consumed 15.7% of what you were originally paid. You are losing $6293 per year. 
 

The day you were hired, they guessed at your value. Now they KNOW your value. Your salary should be inflation adjusted PLUS something to cover the value you uniquely bring to their organization. 
 

I know you care about this theatre, and want to support it. But working for less than market value does not help them- it hurts them. Consider this... if you were hit by a bus today, how would they replace you?  They haven't budgeted for your true value, and won't be able to hire someone at the going market rate. 
 

We all know you won't fit in well at that other school. Just ask for a raise. 
 

As a point of reference, I worked for Habitat for Humanity in the 90's. I was a full time volunteer. 
 

At that time the founder Millard Fuller was still serving as CEO. He believed in the mission, and didn't need a salary. He wanted to work for free. But the Boatd of Directors knew that was suicide- they needed to function with a CEO who was budgeted at fair market value. 
 

They ended up paying him a salary that was in keeping with the going market rate. Millard Fuller then chose to donate his entire salary back to HfH. 
 

The organization did what was right, and Mr Fuller chose to do what he felt strongly about with his own money. 

Consider this another vote that says ask for a raise, or accept the offer and go. I'm glad so many others mentioned the changes that will occur if you say "beat this other offer or I leave".

In reply to Curtis73 (Forum Supporter) :

You really seem to like your current situation, you mention that you're living comfortably now, and the potential new gig sounds like it would end up being miserable for you. 

I agree with the others about just asking for a raise, but I think you should try to quantify it by the numbers. 

Just as a data point that may be useful in negotiations:

Starbucks will soon be paying baristas up to $23/hr. At 40hrs/wk and 52 wks per year, that's almost $48k annually plus benefits.

The only thing that would change this would be if you have a deep desire to teach. 
 

You haven't said that. 

To me, leaving the comfortable situation doesn't seem worth the extra $96/week (gross).  Unless as Paul mentioned, you have a desire to teach.

BTW... it's not wrong to tell your employer you have have another offer. Just don't hold them hostage with it. 
 

I've told my boss I've had several offers for more money than he pays me. He knows I ve made the CHOICE to work for him because I enjoy it, and because he takes care of me in other ways. 

I agree with all that SVreX wrote. 

It might be a good time to have that "inflation" conversation. One line in that conversation might be, "... or I'll have to find some suplimemtal  income... " 

Does the school offer have a component of being a part timer? Say, two nights per week? 

In reply to Datsun310Guy :

I WISH the last two had asked. The first knew. I made my point very clear. What was happening was not sustainable and something had to change. They just passed it off as me "being negative" even though I offered viable solutions to those problems. Apparently many of my solutions are just now being implemented (about 2 years too late, they lost a lot of good people). The second one just got pissy that I was leaving even though they failed to meet any of the pre-planned objectives for my long term employment. 

If its a job you love and the new one is only in your mind because of pay, stay. I would likely mention that you got an offer but turned it down to your boss(es) and let it be. 

Now I think I need to tell my boss I need a beer vending machine and 420 breaks because Curtis gets them.

JoeTR6 said:

My understanding is that accepting a counter offer is never a good idea.  If someone offers you more money and the job is as good/better, it's a no brainer.  Take the job.  But as soon as you go back to the current employer and tell them you are thinking of leaving, things change.  Even if they pay you more to stay, in their mind you will seem less loyal.  Better to just ask for a raise based upon merit than a threat to leave.

This depends upon the industry.   In my industry  you are considered a wimp if you are a valuable member of the team and don't have the "intestinal fortitude" to look for a better paying position at another company.  They suddenly decide you really are more valuable, plus you are seen as a player, not a bat-boy they can abuse.    (This only works if you really are top notch and clients like you).   

Personally if I get a better offer that I want I just leave.  When the employer offers more money to stay I retort with "why wasn't I worth this yesterday?".   Its really great when someone else does that and leaves, crisis management kicks in, and everyone is evaluated and given raises.

In reply to STM317 : (Starbucks)

This will work until Starbucks prices its already expensive  warm sugar drinks out of the market in order to cover $23/hour counter workers

In reply to Stampie :

right?