DING DING DING!!! I was 100% correct in my above post!
I got frustrated with self-diagnosis and throwing money at it, so I took it to the dealer. It had an open recall anyway, so I asked them to do a smoke test to see what the issue was while it was there. Turns out it WAS the Canister Purge Valve; it failed and was leaking. $400 later, it was fixed. This was the 1st time in 151k miles that it ever had to go to the dealer for anything.
Now, why did I have them do it? Because...
1.) I don't have a lot of free time because of the holidays
2.) You have to remove the rear suspension to access it, making it a giant PITA
While it was there, I complained about it prematurely shutting off the gas pump when getting gas. I feared it would be a gummed up flapper valve in the filler neck, as I've read this happens sometimes. Turns out that the vent lines on these get clogged up with spider webs, which cause the problem. This was actually something that halted assembly lines for Mazdas built in Mexico and led to some recalls, but mine was built in Japan so it was left out. They cleared them out and it seems to work better now. They also checked the condition of the charcoal canister, since I had been pumping extra gas in the car to make sure it was actually full. They said it looked perfect inside, so that's good.
So yeah, total list of faults from day one for the car is as follows:
-1 bad transmission mount, $75 (they all do this)
-2 rear endlinks, $20 each (again, they all do this)
-Driver seat spot weld broke, $FREE (friend welded it back together, and yet again, they all do this)
-Emissions system refresh, $440 (includes Purge Valve, Canister Valve, Gas Cap, and dealer labor)
-Hatch Struts, $FREE (safety recall)
So I have around $550 in unscheduled repairs in 6 years and 151k miles. One trip to the dealer in that time. I'd chalk that up as a win. Of course, this doesn't include general maintenance items like brakes, tires, and oil changes.
I also bolted the winter wheels on after I got it home, just in time for some snow.