Setting up an AWD car for the street?

Ok, so we all know that, generally, the stiffer the better. Obviously it's not as simple as that - but higher spring rates and less body roll generally maximise the all-round grip available to the car on all 4 corners. 
 

But super-stiff springs on the street are not pleasant. So, if we can't chase maximum grip with a stiff setup - how can we make the car more responsive, predictable, and 'progressive' instead? 
 

For example, I daily drive a 2006 Seat Leon FR (basically a VW Golf GTI for those who don't know) - and it grips well enough for a car that has 0 handling mods besides bigger front brakes and grippy-ish tyres - but it gets very upset when at the limit. 
 

I don't necessarily need MORE grip (although, if I can get more grip without sacrificing the majority of the ride quality, i'll take it), but I would like it to be more progressive at the limit. 
 

More specifically, under heavy trail braking or by using lift-off oversteer, I am able to get the car to rotate quite a bit - and whilst I admittedly have 0 experience truly racing on a track (and thus my skill is most likely not on par with the rest of you guys) - the car seems to snap and jerk into the oversteer, and especially jerks itself back into driving straight again with a bit of countersteer and throttle. 
 

No doubt a more skillfull driver could mitigate some of this, but i'm under the impression that the car doesn't like it very much when I push at the limit in these kinds of ways. It's very much a "ok, we have grip" or a "grip has left the building" kind of situation at the rear. Either way, it's very confidence uninspiring, and I feel like it's the only time that I feel like i'm having a bit of a disagreement with the car whilst driving it. 
 

The reason I ask is because I'm hoping to purchase an Audi S3 8V (2014), and was hoping to liven things up once I get it by doing some suspension work to introduce some adjustability to the chassis considering it's AWD nature (which I will also be improving on with a decent haldex controller to give it a proper 'locked 50/50' AWD mode). 

I'd appreciate if I could get some coilover recommendations too. I'm the kind of person who likes to play around for a little bit and find a happy middle-ground where I 'set and forget' so i'm not sure how adjustable i'd need them. If there's merit in spending the money on something like KW V4s that have a lot of adjustability (even if they will pretty much get 'tuned' once and then left alone) then i'll do that - but if you guys don't think that's worth it then let me know if limited adjustment pre-set coils (like KW V1s) would be best. 
 

I was looking at D2 racing's rally/asphalt coils too. But I don't really know what i'm looking for. 
 

At the end of the day, I still want to be able to breeze through industrial estates that have terrible road surfaces without cringing or experiencing big hard thuds over every bump. I'd just like the car to actually handle more 'nicely' though - even if that doesn't necessarily mean adding a bunch of grip. 
 

The goal is to have a good daily driver that can somewhat 4 wheel drift on an open and empty country road. 

Stiffer is not better unless you are running out of suspension travel.  The solution is to increase travel if possible.

I have electronically controlled damping and it is amazing how the car handles better when set to full soft.  It shocks the tires less.  You know how when it comes to driving habits, smooth inputs are faster? The same applies to suspension reaction.

I am very curious to try out a home brewed mass damper arrangement.  You control spring rates without interfering with suspension motion the way hydraulic dampers do.

I think an easy way to make the car "more progressive at the limit" would be to decrease wheel diameter and increase sidewall height of the tires.  Should give a nicer ride as well. 

I was after something similar with my Alltrack and ended up here (only difference being that I didn't want to deal with adjusting coils). I went with Koni special active struts and H&R OE sport springs for a Golf R. It's a little lower than I'd like in the rear, which I'll fix eventually, but otherwise it's exactly what I was going for. Comfortable enough for my 100mi/day commute, but fun on the backroads. Probably the best handling improvement for your money would be a good set of tires, then good brake pads and fluid, and then an upgraded rear sway bar. I just installed an IE 25mm rear sway and it made the car much more neutral.