Automotive Profiling

I had someone ask me if my behaviour changes according to the car I'm driving. I'd never really thought about it before, but it got me wondering... in sort of a “which came first: chicken or the egg” scenario, whether drivers subconsciously choose the cars that match their most annoying personality traits or whether they're innocent victims of an automotive "Invasions of the Body Snatchers" -- powerless to resist the transformation into commuter zombies.

I decided to write a blog piece about it...

http://www.auto123.com/en/news/automotive-profiling?artid=150939

I can't figure out whether I'm more scared of being affected by my cars or having subconsciously selected the perfect ones.

Both options are chilling.

Worse, I can't figure out whether I'm most embarrassed by the engineliness BMW, the completely windowless van, or the new WRX. Am I a hoarder with an inability to finish a project? A creepy van guy? A (shudder) yuppie? At least I'll age out of that last one (or am only kidding myself I still qualify)...

Well - the fact that the BMW is currently without engine disqualifies you as a yuppy.

Intriguing!

My nemesis used to be Volvos. I always felt that their drivers were reckless crazies that would pull out in front of me because they knew that even if I couldn't stop in time, they'd be okay since they were in a Volvo.

Some years later, I drove a Volvo 850 5-speed and really liked it. Later still, I briefly owned a 940 Turbo wagon. Recently, I haven't noticed Volvo drivers being driven in a crazy fashion anymore. I wonder what has changed about Volvos? Or could it be me?

Probably explains why I like E36 M3ty hatchbacks. They just feel right to me.

i sometimes pretend i'm driving a race car when commuting to work in my OHV 2.2 powered 98 Cavalier, and tried to wring every last mile per gallon out of my 86 Camaro last summer..

what was the question again?

mazdeuce wrote: Probably explains why I like E36 M3ty hatchbacks. They just feel right to me.

Sigh. I drive a 92 Mazda 323 that was once red, but has since faded to pink. The rear wiper stopped working two years ago, but every once in a while springs to life with a spastic shudder. The upholstery is plastic - not rubber, but genuine nasty-ass plastic. I'm afraid to look too closely at how that defines me.

Lesley wrote:

mazdeuce wrote: Probably explains why I like E36 M3ty hatchbacks. They just feel right to me.

Sigh. I drive a 92 Mazda 323 that was once red, but has since faded to pink. The rear wiper stopped working two years ago, but every once in a while springs to life with a spastic shudder. The upholstery is plastic - not rubber, but genuine nasty-ass plastic. I'm afraid to look too closely at how that defines me.

I keep thinking my mazda2 is too nice and I look longingly at the black 323 that's running around town. Its in really nice shape if you can overlook the fact that its hit lightly in the drivers door. I just know it would feel like a warm blanket on a cold winter morning.

As a general rule, from being a cyclist:

If it's a minivan or SUV, the driver is going to ignore anything outside the windows. Keep a safe distance at all times.

If the driving lights are on, the driver is fairly clueless and probably isn't paying attention to anything, either. (Goes triple if the lights are on during the daytime)

If the car has HIDs, the driver is a sociopath and will probably kill you just for the lulz. Get away quiickly.

Any time there is more than one person in a vehicle, keep a safe distance.

If the vehicle is driven slowly, get away from it as quickly as possible. A timid driver is an unpredictable one.

Maybe I'm selling people short, but on the flip side, I've probably driven close to a half-million miles so far in my life and I've yet to be in a collision aside from that single-car incident when I was 18 that was clearly my fault (bald tires on snow).

mazdeuce wrote: I keep thinking my mazda2 is too nice and I look longingly at the black 323 that's running around town. Its in really nice shape if you can overlook the fact that its hit lightly in the drivers door. I just know it would feel like a warm blanket on a cold winter morning.

Do it! Best damn winter cars - ever. Never, ever get stuck. So easy to diagnose issues, parts are cheap and they go forever (long after you're sick of looking at them). I'm on number five :-)

We got my step-son a beige '96 Corolla last year. It fits his personality perfectly. Except he's too timid to drive, we have to force him. He'll be 21 in 3-months.

But even with a quarter-million miles, it isn't rusty, the interior is in good condition, and its really a nice car to drive.

Wow, maybe its time to give up the Miata and shop for a Park Avenue???

Knurled wrote: If the driving lights are on, the driver is fairly clueless and probably isn't paying attention to anything, either. (Goes triple if the lights are on during the daytime)

I drive with my headlights on, and purposely turn them on everytime I drive.

I prefer to be seen.

Add that into your analysis.

So do I. Small car with no safety technology – I like to increase my chances of being seen.

In reply to Lesley:

I live I Houston. :(
Winter beater is the least valid excuse I have. I also just bought a car that starts with P and rhymes with morsche. I don't get to pick it up for a while and buying yet another car would probably not make me popular at home. Not sure yet how the P car will make me feel when I drive it. Its kind of a backwards hatchback. Sort of.

I like big cars, I can't escape them. Every time my automotive ADD kicks in, I go full circle and come right back to them. They fit my personality. I like to put on my sunglasses, turn the music up, and cruuuuuuuise.

However, whenever I drive a sporty car, like my cousins A3, I feel the need to drive it like it needs to be driven. I have fun for a couple hours and I'm glad to be back in the barge, scooting along at a steady pace.

mazdeuce wrote: I also just bought a car that starts with P and rhymes with morsche. I don't get to pick it up for a while and buying yet another car would probably not make me popular at home. Not sure yet how the P car will make me feel when I drive it. Its kind of a backwards hatchback. Sort of.

Sigh. I do love me some P cars.

I'm 6'4", 210 lbs. I have an amusing (so I'm told, anyway) affinity for small cars. Triumph TR4, VW Beetle, Fiat 850 Spider, Austin Mini... the smaller it is, the better I seem to like it.

I don't know about profiling, but how I drive is directly proportional to what I'm driving, where I'm am and who it's owned by.

Driving the E150 you have to make a hole for a lane change. No one will ever let you over. Ever. Turn signal, 5 blinks, change lanes. I also drive the crap out of it. It probably sees red line at least twice a day. Of course it takes that to merge onto the interstate with a V6 hauling 6000 pounds. I'm also usually on a fairly tight schedule if I want to make it home at a reasonable hour. Leaving a stop light with my right foot on the floor is a fairly regular occurrence. Even then it's slow.

The Super Coupe I usually drive pretty easy on the street. You don't have to push it to merge or change lanes. Nice and easy. Until it hits the autocross course. Then hold the berkeley on. The tires are going to be squalling from one end of the course to the other. That pig is so much fun to thrash. I'd almost rather drive it than the Abomination. The last autocross I was 2 seconds ahead of the next F stock Mustang GT. The look on people's faces is absolutely priceless the first time they see it run. "What do you mean it's a 5 speed?" "What's under the hood of that thing?" '3.8 Liter? Bull E36 M3" God that is fun.

The Roadmaster I drive like what it is. An old man's car. Slow in the turns, easy off the line. It's a boat, I drive it like one.

The Abomination is a whole different level of insane. It's like the Lance Armstrong of go carts. It's been doping all it's life. I drive it accordingly.

Any car that isn't owned by me is driven like it's made out of crystal. I won't drive someone else's car at an autocross. Not interested. I'd be slow as hell and it wouldn't be any fun. I don't care what car it is. I even take it easy on rentals. Breaking crap is my favorite past time and I'd rather break my own crap.

I guess I adjust to the cars and own and drive a little of everything. Much molested LBC? Got one, love it. Big van? Yep, that too. Fat 80s Sport Coupe? 90s Estate? SUV? Minivan? Japanese Sports Car? Got all of them too and love them all a little differently.

No wonder I'm confused.

...Squirrel...

Your description of bubba, if a Nascar stick was added, would describe every Camaro and Fox chassis Mustang owner I have ever known.

SQUIRREL!!!!!

Love it. Love your bio, as well.

Lesley's editor at Auto123 wrote: She attends lapping days whenever possible, and is well experienced in the art of hurling a ratchet at the wall.

Lesley, you keep writing like that ("However, I've declared my own personal nemesis to be the Buick Century: a drifting barge whose droopy backside resembles a full diaper."), and I'm going to start sharing your stuff on my Facebook.

With your permission, of course.

Lesley said: Or the neckless bruiser, tiny eyes...

I guessed Ram driver at this point.

I probably fit the stereotypes. I ride an SV650, and like most SV650 riders that I have encountered, I'm more of a humble smartass than a douche. Yes, I will accelerate just to be vain and hear my own glorious exhaust note, but only up to a reasonable speed in an area that I deem safe.

PHeller wrote:

Knurled wrote: If the driving lights are on, the driver is fairly clueless and probably isn't paying attention to anything, either. (Goes triple if the lights are on during the daytime)

I drive with my headlights on, and purposely turn them on everytime I drive. I prefer to be seen. Add that into your analysis.

Headlights aren't driving/fog lights. Not the same.

Ram truck drivers get a pass on this one, though. The stock headlights are hopeless, you can only see if the (more powerful!) fogs are on. At night.

My fiancee's parents drive a tan on tan Camry. It is quite fitting.

I had to bite my tongue when her mom was talking about going into a store for something, and thinking her dad had disappeared or something, so she spent a while wandering around the parking lot and couldn't find the car until he finally turned the lights on as she walked past. Well, of course you couldn't find it. It's a berkeleying tan on tan Camry. It blends into the background when you're sitting in it.

Lots of truth in that column, Lesley. I'd add the minivan with smeary windows and family stickers on the back driven jerkily since the operator is busy screaming and yelling at the little monsters inside.

JohninKansas and I are in the same boat, I'm a big guy with an affinity for small cars. I pulled into a convenience store parking lot in a Spitfire, another guy driving one pulled in at the same time. We were both roughly the same size, about 6' and maybe 190 pounds (damn that was a long time ago ), the clerk said 'Why is it always big guys who get out of tiny cars?'.

I always drive more aggressively in the J-H, mostly because I love how the Dellortos make that bullfrog bark on acceleration.