Dear aircraft passengers,

Dear aircraft passengers,

If your elbow is so much as one millimetre over the centerline of the armrest, you are IN MY SPACE. GTFO.

Sincerely,

Man who just took his 40th commercial flight this year.

Jay wrote: Man who just took his 40th commercial flight this year.

Besides my racing, I also travel at least once a month for work up north. As such, I get to spend lots of time on planes throughout the year.

The dude that was snoring loudly next to me? He came this close to getting a good elbow to the ribs. The people who don't know how to handle their kids? They get "You're a terrible parent and I hope your hellspawn makes you pay for it".

Dear Airline, I fly with you 3x a month. NO MIDDLE SEATS, MKAY?!!

Dear Fellow Passengers,

It is a generally accepted practice to shower before getting in a little metal tube with a bunch of people who are forced to smell you for the next few hours. Thanks for your cooperation.

Dearest fellow passengers... if its your final destination and the plane is not on fire - its ok to remain seated for a few minutes and let the isle clear. You do not need to run the length of the plane opposite traffic to retrieve that bag you didn't know wasn't allowed on the floor at the bulkhead.

Dear Southwest Airlines Co-flyer in my row:

If I take the window seat and you take the aisle seat, please look mean, huge, and ugly to deter those other passengers to other middle seats past us. It worked the last flight and we were the only row to Los Angeles (from Chicago) that had an empty middle row.

Dear Southwest Airlines Employee's:

Please stop with the lame jokes that get told and retold every flight. Wishing a "first time" flyer that is "90" years old a happy birthday and it happens to be the pilot was funny the first 7 times...............

Dear Fellow Passengers,

While I may appear to be an intelligent person, I am simply not qualified to assist you with: your sons acne, your sister-in laws disdain for your chicken cacciatore recipe, why the Detroit Lion's suck, where to find good Indian food in Buffalo,speculation on the cup size of the flight attendant, or Lyme Disease.

Thank you....and gimme back my Sky magazine.

Dear fellow passengers, can you please not break into applause as soon as the plane's wheels touch the ground?

He's a pilot, not an artist (and we're sttill moving, and capable of crashing).

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: Dearest fellow passengers... if its your final destination and the plane is not on fire - its ok to remain seated for a few minutes and let the isle clear. You do not need to run the length of the plane opposite traffic to retrieve that bag you didn't know wasn't allowed on the floor at the bulkhead.

That drives me nuts.

The minute the plane stops, everybody jumps up and stands in the aisle for 10 minutes. Where did they think they were going to go?

Dear Airline co-passengers-

While it is anticipated you will glance at my laptop screen to see what I am up to, that is NOT a free invitation to assume that I want you peering over my shoulder for the duration of my battery. If I was interested in sharing with you, I would offer you one of the buds on my headphones.

Dear aircraft passengers,

I don't fly take up all the room you want and be obnoxious too.

Dear aircraft seat designers: Not all of us are 5'8".Not all of us have a 28" waist. How about just another inch or two of room, so the knob next to me doesn't make me ride all the way to Minneapolis with my hands in my lap, elbows touching?

Dear fellow passengers:

If I'm travelling in my uniform, and my eyes closed on a flight, I'm probably exhausted and traveling on orders. Please don't wake me up to thank me. Wait until we land please.

Dear fellow passenger,

We just spent an 11 hour non stop flight together and didn't speak a single word to each other. Thank you!

Cotton wrote: Dear fellow passenger, We just spent an 11 hour non stop flight together and didn't speak a single word to each other. Thank you!

+1

Dear fellow passengers,

Although you are big burly men and I am a petite female seated in the center row, that does not mean you can take both armrests AND put your ham-like arms so far into my seat that you pin me so I can't even reach up and adjust my reading glasses. Rest assured that if you do that again, I will not be satisfied with just saying, "Folks, I'm gonna need to be able to move my arms during this flight, so back it off."

Margie

Marjorie Suddard wrote: Dear fellow passengers, Although you are big burly men and I am a petite female seated in the center row, that does not mean you can take both armrests AND put your ham-like arms so far into my seat that you pin me so I can't even reach up and adjust my reading glasses. Rest assured that if you do that again, I will not be satisfied with just saying, "Folks, I'm gonna need to be able to move my arms during this flight, so back it off." Margie

Sorry for trying to cop a feel.

Streetwiseguy wrote: so the knob next to me....

freaking hilarious

Marjorie Suddard wrote: Dear fellow passengers, Although you are big burly men and I am a petite female seated in the center row, that does not mean you can take both armrests AND put your ham-like arms so far into my seat that you pin me so I can't even reach up and adjust my reading glasses. Rest assured that if you do that again, I will not be satisfied with just saying, "Folks, I'm gonna need to be able to move my arms during this flight, so back it off." Margie

Reminds me of a pasenger next to my mother when we were flying in Libya. The Arab perv next to her kept rubbing his hand up and down her leg. She would slap it away and he would resume in about 10 minutes. When dinner came around she palmed her fork, after the stewardi removed the detrious from dinner he resumed his hobby. She stabbed the fork into the back of his hand with enough force for it to remain there after she let go. This was when you still got a metal fork in coach. Problem solved. Not a word was said to her.

AHH, good times.

Dear Fellow Passenger,

Maybe you always eat when you're nervous, and flying makes you nervous. But is it really necessary to purchase the nastiest smelling burrito AND hot sandwich you can find on the concourse to consume on ONE flight? When the flight is only 1 hour and 10 minutes?

The rest of us are trying to sleep to avoid the smell, but you keep waking us up with the crinkling of your FOURTH bag of airline pretzels. Thanks!

I'm flying in the morning with my wife and my well behaved 5 and 7 year old sons. Because they're little we get to board early. We each take a child and a window seat, leaving the kid in the middle seat and the aisle seat open. Who in their right mind would pick the seat next to young children? Even if they do sit in the aisle, the kids are small and don't take up much room. No fat guys next to me!

porksboy wrote:

Marjorie Suddard wrote: Reminds me of a pasenger next to my mother when we were flying in Libya. The Arab perv next to her kept rubbing his hand up and down her leg. She would slap it away and he would resume in about 10 minutes. When dinner came around she palmed her fork, after the stewardi removed the detrious from dinner he resumed his hobby. She stabbed the fork into the back of his hand with enough force for it to remain there after she let go. This was when you still got a metal fork in coach. Problem solved. Not a word was said to her. AHH, good times. Quoted, just so next time I went through this thread I could read the above poetry twice. Your mom is full of win and awesome... :)

Streetwiseguy wrote: Dear aircraft seat designers: Not all of us are 5'8".Not all of us have a 28" waist. How about just another inch or two of room, so the knob next to me doesn't make me ride all the way to Minneapolis with my hands in my lap, elbows touching?

They are actually working on new seats that are sort of like bicycle seats where you are partially upright so they can cram more people in there. If people keep demanding $99 flights then its going to continue to be a cattle drive.

Dear airline company,

I should be compensated for sitting next to the exit door. My decisions directly impact over 1/4 of the occupants in the event of a crash. Don't charge me an extra $25 just because it's the only row that can seat my 6'3" self, compensate me for accepting the responsibility of 50 people's lives.

I have a vision that we will eventually require sedation during transport on airlines in an effort to minimize the possibility of hijack, contamination and to cram more "cargo" onboard. It's pretty creepy but I could see people going for it. One second you're in the terminal getting a sedative and before you can ask, "Are we there yet?", you're there.