I found this humorous, enjoy.
If Dogs & Cats Kept Diaries
DOG DIARY
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
CAT DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat-while the other inmates and I
are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear,
I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts,
since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comments
about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.
I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'
I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful
in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors
by weaving around his feet as he was walking.
I must try this again tomorrow --
but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges.
He is regularly released -
and seems to be more than willing to return.
DrBoost
PowerDork
12/10/12 1:39 p.m.
That's hilarious. I sent it to my wife, she loves her cat.
cdowd
New Reader
12/10/12 1:58 p.m.
This is why i love my dog.
Chris
LOL! 
But seriously, I think it would be more like:
"9AM woke up hungry this morning. Person took forever to get me food AS USUAL, jeez. In an attempt to aid people with their clearly lacking hunting skills I have brought them a dead animal for practice as per cat tradition. Again they've rebuffed my attempts to educate them, they say you can lead a horse to water...anyway, that infernal red sprite has taunted me another time. It seems to be able to teleport as it disappears every time I seem to catch it and reappears in a new location. After I got tired of hunting it I played with the noisy ball for a bit and then cuddled with some humans, which was nice I guess. I plan to go out hunting again later tonight, I just hope that tabby from up the hill stays on his own hunting grounds or I'll give him what-for."
We have actually tried to figure out our dogs' favorite things--like, would they rather eat dinner or bark at squirrels?
JoeyM
UltimaDork
12/10/12 2:33 p.m.
Gertrude would definitely choose the barking.
I will have to look up the name of the book on dog psychology that I read earlier this year. Supprisingly good rear considering the subject matter.
My cat: "Last night, I jumped on my captor's eye..."
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
David S. Wallens wrote:
We have actually tried to figure out our dogs' favorite things--like, would they rather eat dinner or bark at squirrels?
Definitely chasing squirrels. Mine doesn't bark much, unless someone knocks on the door or an unfamiliar car pulls up to the house, but she will chase the E36 M3 out of squirrels (or rabbits, deer, raccoons, groundhogs, etc.). She seems to eat only as a necessity, which kind of sucked when it came to training. We had to get really good treats for her to even care.
Hal
Dork
12/10/12 6:15 p.m.
GameboyRMH wrote: that infernal red sprite has taunted me another time. It seems to be able to teleport as it disappears every time I seem to catch it and reappears in a new location.
When I try that Sylvester looks at the spot for a few seconds, then looks up at me with a look that says "You think I'm stupid enough to fall for that trick?" and then walks out of the room.
Hal wrote:
GameboyRMH wrote: that infernal red sprite has taunted me another time. It seems to be able to teleport as it disappears every time I seem to catch it and reappears in a new location.
When I try that Sylvester looks at the spot for a few seconds, then looks up at me with a look that says "You think I'm stupid enough to fall for that trick?" and then walks out of the room.
Yeah, my cat Alex kinda enjoyed the laser-pointer thing for a few minutes... Then he figured out where the dot came from.
Instead of leaving the room like the above-mentioned Sylvester, Alex leaped across the room at me and bit and clawed the crap outta my hand.
Needless to say, I quickly learned my place in his world, and have given-up such childish pursuits.
