I'm kinda ok

I haven't been on here much the past few months.  i have had a bunch of ups and downs, and the little free time I had i didn't usually have the braincells to say much. First the good, I have been seeing someone since Christmas,  She is awesome.  A funny, sarcastic nerd that has a lot in common with me, and enough different to keep things interesting.  We spend a lot of time together when we aren't working though we both have crazy schedules so it's taken some work.  We make each other very happy which has been great. The downside is that we're both happier than we've been in a long time and there has been a bit of guilt to work through.  I had my depression come back pretty badly too and it was exhausting.  Some days it was all I could do to get up and go to work.  We have both kept our councilors a bit busy but are doing pretty well now.  There are still rough spots for both of us but not as many, and our families and friends are starting to come around to the idea of us being able to date again.  That is a lot more difficult than either of us had anticipated.  

In addition to that, work has been a zoo. We're still short handed, we have more to do with things open up again, and we are working on a number of things that take up too much time. Even when I'm not working I'm working.  I'm also sorting out some home projects, and the never ending battle with the Corvette.  By the end of most days I have been pretty well spent and the bits of free time I had we spent sitting with the dog trying to calm my brain so that I could pretend I was fine the rest of the day.  Now that most of that is under control i have been able to do a bit more.  Thank you everyone for checking and asking how I was.  i hate that I get anti-social at times but for a while I really didn't have it in me to talk much.         

::Hug::

Glad to hear it, Wally. If you manage to "pretend that you're fine" long enough - eventually, hopefully you will in fact be alright.  Still pulling for you. 

It is not a betrayal to be okay.

I am so glad you are okay.

Wally, I'm glad to hear that you are working through it all and wish you the best! 

Steve

Good to see you back.  We love you, even if you don't know a lot of us.

You have a whole bunch of people rooting for you. Keep pushing forward. You can do this, and there are many, many friends here willing to do what we need to do to help. 
 

In reply to Wally (Forum Supporter) :

Thank you for the update, my friend.

I'm glad to hear you're sort of OK. I don't think anyone can ask more of you than that, including yourself.

We appreciate you stopping in to let us know how it's going, but if you're not up to it, you have no duty to us. This place should be a resource for you, not another obligation. We're here when you can make it. Don't worry if you can't.

A setback just means the path you're on isn't working, it doesn't mean all roads are closed. Thanks for checking in.

I'm glad to hear things are getting better. You have no reason to feel guilty and deserve to be happy. I'm sure your Princess is smiling down on you and wishing you well. I'm one more person rooting for you and sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.

Ah yes the widower's  guilt when romance finds them again. I know this all too well.

I can tell you no one is judging you, everyone just wants you to be happy. You don't get a say in this situation,  it isn't up to you when and who you fall for.

I can also tell you from experience that none of this makes any difference and the guilt will still be there. Ten years on and it still hits me now and then. A much softer blow than it used to be. 

I thought I saw you refer to someone as your girlfriend in a post some time back and I shouted "Berk yeah Wally!" 

Anyway,  just wanted to let you know you seem to be doing great from my vantage point, everything you are feeling (however misplaced) is normal.

Kinda ok is better than not ok.  I'll take it. 
 

keep it up Wally you're doing ok.  

Thank you for taking the time to let us know Wally.  It sounds like sitting with the dog, slowing down the train running through your mind is the ticket; perhaps the counselor can show you more effective methods (without drugs) of achieving faster more thorough results.

Please call me if you get jammed up.

Dan

glueguy (Forum Supporter) said:

Good to see you back.  We love you, even if you don't know a lot of us.

 

Couldn't say it better. 

My Dad turned this corner about 6 months ago.  It gets better sir, you have every right to be happy and enjoy what you can.  Forget other folks view, hard I know, and roll forward.  They'll generally come around when they see how happy she makes you.  If they don't, you can't help that.  Go enjoy life sir!

You had a thoroughly E36 M3ty couple of years.  I'd be far more worried about you if you were not having any troubles.

Glad to hear from you.

Glad you're doing well!

Not a lecture and I'm sure you know this but it worth repeating and worth re-reading: 

Actions FOR yourself are not actions AGAINST the princess.  

No one would more want you to be happy than the princess.  We all want her back...its not possible.  That means you have to go on living and no one expect you to have to be unhappy in that going forward.  If you loose your best friend, you're still allowed to have additional friends.  Keep moving forward.  Thank you so much for the chuckles you have sent my way over the years.  I wish I could just automatically send you the same chuckles when you need them.  

Glad you feel comfortable reaching out to us!  We're all probably a little weird, but we love cars and car stuff.  Keep the updates coming.  We are hear for you!  You are not alone!

Thanks for checking in, Wally. 

Hi Wally.

Big internet man hugs to you Wally. We will always be here when you need us. Available to listen on your schedule with no obligations. Thanks for checking in. 

There was a point we're my mom was feeling "ok" after her husband passed and she felt guilty about it.  Took several of us to reassure her that it's "ok"  to be "ok".

It ok to not be ok.

I still question if I am doing all the right things with my dads estate 3 yrs later, a divorce last year, quality time with the kiddos, job choices, general well-being, etc....

Hey Wally, its good to hear from you. We miss you when you are away but totally understand. Take care of yourself and allow time to heal some of your wounds. Glad you were able to get away to Radwood and have some fun. Like others have said, cut yourself a break and allow yourself to enjoy life again. There will be days that doesn't work, but that's ok. There will be days you will be on cloud 9 and then feel guilty, that's ok too but you shouldn't feel guilty.  It sounds like you know what you are doing and have a goal and that means you are ok. More virtual hugs sent your way and keep on being you.