Is it just me, or do Cars not have vaginas?

Am I the only man existing who doesn't ever think of his car as some form of woman? The whole "track slut/whore" thing just seems suspicious to me. I never regard a machine as some sort of female. At most I view a car like a horse, or a pet. It is effectively the replacement for horses, after all. Unless you make unsavory porn, horses are never sluts, and half of them DO have vaginas. Nobody ever talks about the "slut" they plan on taking to the Preakness this year. That would be messed up.

I do talk to my cars, and anthropomophize them, but for me it's like talking to the dog, or something. Not ever a girl.

I'm not interested in judging anyone else, and I know it's all tounge in cheek, but am I the only one who thinks talking about my track car like I'm gonna actually berkeley it is kinda gross?

I guess I'm a pretty literal guy.

But am I all alone here?

http://jalopnik.com/5270813/my-car-is-my-lover-dragons-get-documentary

Man admits having sex with 1,000 cars A man who claims to have had sex with 1,000 cars has defended his "romantic" feelings towards vehicles. Edward Smith, who lives with his current "girlfriend" – a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, insisted that he was not "sick" and had no desire to change his ways. "I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love," he said. "Maybe I'm a little bit off the wall but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters it's just wonderful. "I'm a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change." He added: "I'm not sick and I don't want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference." Mr Smith, 57, first had sex with a car at the age of 15, and claims he has never been attracted to women or men. But his wandering eye has spread beyond cars to other vehicles. He says that his most intense sexual experience was "making love" to the helicopter from 1980s TV hit Airwolf. As well as Vanilla, he regularly spends time with his other vehicles – a 1973 Opal GT, named Cinnamon, and 1993 Ford Ranger Splash, named Ginger. Before Vanilla, he had a five-year relationship with Victoria, a 1969 VW Beetle he bought from a family of Jehovah's Witnesses. But he confesses that many of the cars he has had sex with have belonged to strangers or car showrooms. His last relationship with a woman was 12 years ago - and he could not bring himself to consummate it, although he did have sex with girls in his younger days. Mr Smith, from Washington state in the US, kept quiet about his secret fetish for years, but agreed to be interviewed as part of a channel Five documentary into “mechaphilia”. He is shown meeting other enthusiasts at a rally in California Talking about how his unusual passion developed, Mr Smith said: "It's something that grew as a part of me when I was a kid and I could not shake it. "I just loved cute cars right from the beginning, but over the years it got stronger once I got into my teenage years and was my first having sexual urges. "When I turned 13 and the famous Corvette Stingray came about, that car was pure sex and just an incredible machine. I wanted it. "I didn't fully understand it myself except that I know I'm not hurting anyone and I do not intend to." He added: "There are moments way out in the middle of nowhere when I see a little car parked and I swear it needs loving. "There have been certain cars that attracted me and I would wait until night time, creep up to them and just hug and kiss them. "As far as women go, they never really interested me much. And I'm not gay.” Mr Smith is now part of a global community of more than 500 “car lovers” brought together by internet forums. Edward Smith...the mecaphile Oops there everywhere Family relationship.....with an Austin Metro

Uh dude, that "stuff" on your car ain't bird poop.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5sOCEUpGZI

Things like this have always been referred to as female, from ships to buildings, to cars and all sorts of mechanical devices.

Q: Why is a ship called she? A: A ship is called a "she" because:

There is always a great deal of bustle around her.

There is usually a gang of men about.

She has waist and stays.

It takes a lot of paint to keep her looking good.

It is not the initial expense that breaks you, it is the upkeep

She can be all decked out.

It takes an experienced man to handle her correctly. :-)

Without a man at the helm, she is uncontrollable. :-D

She shows her topsides, hides her bottom.

When coming into port, always heads for the buoys. :-)

Chris_V wrote: Things like this have always been referred to as female, from ships to buildings, to cars and all sorts of mechanical devices. Q: Why is a ship called she? A: A ship is called a "she" because: There is always a great deal of bustle around her. There is usually a gang of men about. She has waist and stays. It takes a lot of paint to keep her looking good. It is not the initial expense that breaks you, it is the upkeep She can be all decked out. It takes an experienced man to handle her correctly. :-) Without a man at the helm, she is uncontrollable. :-D She shows her topsides, hides her bottom. When coming into port, always heads for the buoys. :-)

you forgot that your always stuffing it full of sea-men

bro i hope that story about the guy doing cars is fake.

If it has tits or tires, you're gonna have problems with it.

oh crap finally a reader WOOHOOOO

curtis said: bro i hope that story about the guy doing cars is fake.

10-4 on all that. But lets face it. Sexual deviancy is the only thing the internet never lies about.

I was gonna be a wuss about clicking Wally's link, then I realized I've seen 2 girls 1 cup anyway. Which proves the hell out of my above point.

The sailing club I belonged to had a brass plaque in one of the hallways:

Like a woman, the rigging costs more than the hull.

Someone slipped a hand written note (nice cursive feminine script) next to it that said:

Like a man, the wind is gusty, unpredictable and gives out when you need it most.

Both disappeared within a few days...

Well, my cars are shielas, but since I'm a gal too it's not a sexual thing. I can't really tell ya why, but all my cars have been shes, even my truck which I called Big Red. Now, looking back on it that sounds kinda weird and sexual, but I never thought of her "that way" LOL.

Miata.

(Sorrry. Sleep Deprivation)

unless you are russian.. for some reason the Russians already referred to their ships as male.

FindlaySpeedMan wrote:

curtis said: bro i hope that story about the guy doing cars is fake.

10-4 on all that. But lets face it. Sexual deviancy is the only thing the internet never lies about.

http://jalopnik.com/cars/get-your-motor-runnin/sex-with-cars-a-tutorial-285522.php NSFW

I call the P71 MR. Blond. But it the first car I have given a male name to.

ignorant wrote:

FindlaySpeedMan wrote:

curtis said: bro i hope that story about the guy doing cars is fake.

10-4 on all that. But lets face it. Sexual deviancy is the only thing the internet never lies about.

http://jalopnik.com/cars/get-your-motor-runnin/sex-with-cars-a-tutorial-285522.php NSFW

Ah ha! Through the tailpipe i would have never guessed!

SO NOT WORK SAFE but very relevant to the conversation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCYB0lzoofc

EastCoastMojo wrote: Well, my cars are shielas, but since I'm a gal too it's not a sexual thing. I can't really tell ya why, but all my cars have been shes, even my truck which I called Big Red. Now, looking back on it that sounds kinda weird and sexual, but I never thought of her "that way" LOL.

Did the carpet match the column?

Wally wrote: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5sOCEUpGZI

No.

My car is a girl. Why else would it respond (positively or negatively) to being called "Bitch?"

My vehicles are all boys. I'm always patting the dash and saying "good boy" - I even had a track instructor ask me if I was a horse rider. :)

"Unless you make unsavory porn, horses are never sluts, and half of them DO have vaginas. Nobody ever talks about the "slut" they plan on taking to the Preakness this year. That would be messed up."

Obviously, you've never worked as a race horse groom. They are regualarly sluts, rats, smelts, c__ksuckers, nickel pigs... and those are just the ones I remember.

Nickel Pigs!

I like it. It doesn't even make sense, even so I'm going to have to start applying it to my friends.

"Hey! I said dibs on the last beer you nickel pig!"

"Nickel wha?"

"Figure it out, a-hole"

First time poster, long time reader.

My '94 Impreza has a guy's name. I bought him sight unseen with over 225K on the clock, then proceeded to drive him from Northern Nevada to Missouri without any preparation aside from an oil change. Upon a safe arrival in Missouri I dubed him Hermes. I've always thought girls make bad road companions, so it just made sense that he's a he.