So SWMBO moved out..

When you get divorced you get to have a second bachelor party, and this time you won't need to worry about anybody finding out what happened.

Come on guys, he's got relatives for sympathy and mopey E36 M3, and lawyers for legal advice. We need to be here for him as bad influences. Now go do some burnouts and some J-turns Brian. And I just wanted to say good luck, we're all counting on you.

the lawyer on the radio says email everything for paper trail and send nothing negative, inflammatory, accusatory, etc... as well as offer reasonable suggestions and be amicable to show the judge that you're the good guy. that's all i've got.

BoostedBrandon wrote: My wife and I are separating. Divorce is imminent at this point. I've fought all summer to try and save it to no avail. We're being civil and sharing custody of the kids, but I haven't spoken to a lawyer yet and put those things into motion yet. She moved out last weekend and this is my first week without the kids, in my empty house and its been quite lonely. So I'm anticipating entertainment from you guys. Wally, GPS, poopshovel, I need you on your A game. At least now I can buy car parts and have no one bitch at me for it.

Now is an excellent time to find an amy. And her daughter. I'm about to sign my papers myself. We went without lawyers. I look at it this way. Now that pile of E36 M3 MINI isn't my problem.

mndsm wrote:

BoostedBrandon wrote: My wife and I are separating. Divorce is imminent at this point. I've fought all summer to try and save it to no avail. We're being civil and sharing custody of the kids, but I haven't spoken to a lawyer yet and put those things into motion yet. She moved out last weekend and this is my first week without the kids, in my empty house and its been quite lonely. So I'm anticipating entertainment from you guys. Wally, GPS, poopshovel, I need you on your A game. At least now I can buy car parts and have no one bitch at me for it.

Now is an excellent time to find an amy. And her daughter. I'm about to sign my papers myself. We went without lawyers. I look at it this way. Now that pile of E36 M3 MINI isn't my problem.

Hey, he's alive!

Oh, and lockdown your credit report. You can do that for a fee. You don't want her incurring anything in your name. My ex skipped on a couple of phone bills where she had forged my name on the apps. They hit my credit report and I had to file police reports to get the fraudulent reports off. It took a long time and was a huge PITA.

mndsm wrote:

BoostedBrandon wrote: So I'm anticipating entertainment from you guys.

Now is an excellent time to find an amy. And her daughter.

I can only assume you're entertaining him. Because now is the worst possible time in the history of marriage to find an Amy. Get it settled and let the ink dry.

Try not to think of it as the end,its a new beginning. Why do some men refer to them as a ball and chain? Eyes open, chin up,face first

Sorry to here this. My ex and I divorced this past June. Minus seeing my step-son everyday ive never been happier. It takes some time but you'll get there.

Thanks for the support guys. And the laughs. Means a ton.

Yeah I wasn't about to find me someone new, I've been with her almost nine years it's time for me time. I've been leaving the toilet seat up and I feel so free!!!

In reply to BoostedBrandon:

Seriously, I'm sorry you are going though this, but it made my day that I could get someone else to call you Brian

On, and as soon as the paperwork is over with, make sure to post pictures on Facebook with the new girl that is more attractive, better educated, and 5-7 years her junior. She'll love that.

In reply to Nick (Not-Stig) Comstock:

Well done Nick. Well done.

Duke wrote:

mndsm wrote:

BoostedBrandon wrote: So I'm anticipating entertainment from you guys.

Now is an excellent time to find an amy. And her daughter.

I can *only* assume you're entertaining him. Because now is the worst possible time in the history of marriage to find an Amy. Get it settled and let the ink dry.

Yeah, I'm more being facetious. No berkeleying way you go next door til she is misses not your goddammit problem.

2 things:

A friend of mine went through a divorce, bought a couple expensive firearms he'd been dreaming of, had a nice bachelor pad, and bought a 1977 Chevy Scottsdale (black, 4wd) that was absolutely stunning. He'd never been happier. I wish you the same

HOWEVER!

Should that loneliness you feel when your kids are away manifest itself into something potentially self destructive or unhealthy (this happened to my dad after my parents divorce 'round about the same time crack was becoming popular) please don't hesitate to hit me up for new project enabling, road trip planning, manly story swapping, or just general chitchat.

I'll end it with a joke: Know why divorces are so expensive?

Cheers.

mndsm wrote:

Duke wrote:

mndsm wrote:

BoostedBrandon wrote: So I'm anticipating entertainment from you guys.

Now is an excellent time to find an amy. And her daughter.

I can *only* assume you're entertaining him. Because now is the worst possible time in the history of marriage to find an Amy. Get it settled and let the ink dry.

Yeah, I'm more being facetious. No berkeleying way you go next door til she is misses not your goddammit problem.

I figured you were; I just hit a streak of Captain Obvious.

Nick (Not-Stig) Comstock wrote: Well Brian, you should have some free time on your hands. Brian, you should re join us in our GT races. I often see you get online and wonder if Brian will be joining us. But you never do. We miss you Brian.

THIS!!!!! Come on over and get your mind off things.

There is a lot of good advice in this thread. As many have said "Been there done it". Not much fun but better days are ahead!!!!

patgizz wrote: the lawyer on the radio says email everything for paper trail and send nothing negative, inflammatory, accusatory, etc... as well as offer reasonable suggestions and be amicable to show the judge that you're the good guy. that's all i've got.

Other than the stuff related to the kids this is the best advice in this thread. No matter how unreasonable things get be the voice of reason. Don't raise your voice don't say/do anything that is inflammatory. This is a time to be nice. Let the lawyers battle things out if it gets to that (I home it does not) but don't you be the one tossing the grenades.

In reply to BoostedBrandon: Get out of the house this weekend and head for the challenge? I always find windshield time helps. Gas is cheap now and I'm sure a beer will be drunk there eventually

KyAllroad wrote: Good luck man, a lot of us have been through it. pro tip: hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Share nothing that can be used against you. Consult a lawyer. Protect your finances. Divorce has a way of making that person you loved and swore to spend your life with into someone unrecognizable. Be civil.

This, times 1k. Also change the locks on the house! The last thing you need is her digging through the house when you aren't there.

I detest lawyers but you are gonna need one. She's fired the first salvo by moving out and taking the kids, you can't change that but you can take steps to protect yourself.

Like someone mentioned, communicate only in a way that there is a paper trail. Keep your temper and your wits about you.

DON'T drag the kids into this! Do NOT say anything negative about their mom even if it's painfully obvious she's incompetent. That would get you into more crap than you'd ever believe.

Again as another poster noted, be ready to see her change into someone you don't recognize. Her lawyer is going to be a horse's ass and all of her friends are going to be egging her on to clean your clock.

Is the house mortgaged? Are you both on the mortgage? Then even if she's not living there she is still responsible for half the payments. Can you get her to pay it? Hmmm... probably not. But ask (again in a way that leaves a paper trail).

Good luck, man; divorce sucks. BTDT. But in many ways mine set me free; I have come to the conclusion that I'll never give another person that much power over my life ever again.

Update.

I've got an appointment with a lawyer Monday afternoon.

We are sharing custody of the kids. She offered shared custody, and we split the week as evenly as possible. She takes them the early part of the week and I get them the second half. I'm okay with it and hopefully we can stick with that.

No, the house isn't mortgaged. We lived in a mobile home that my mom owns, I can stay here as long as I want rent free, so I'm going to capitalize on that.

I think our biggest fight will be over our debt, there isn't a lot but I think it's going to get nasty.

Thanks for the support again guys, means a lot.

BoostedBrandon wrote: No, the house isn't mortgaged. We lived in a mobile home that my mom owns, I can stay here as long as I want rent free, so I'm going to capitalize on that.

I knew someone who was in similar situation. He got screwed because of that "extra" money he did not pay in rent (His Dad provided a home for them) ended up going in spousal support for his ex wife's apartment (she did not work). You might want to say you are paying rent so it counts as your living expenses.

You need to beat her to the courthouse and file for formal separation first..

Let me repeat that..

You need to beat her to the courthouse and file for formal separation first...

Get orders with a parenting plan, temp Child support etc. all in place.. NOW..

I didn't win the race to the courthouse. In the last 5 months I have gone from basically being a stay at home dad (full time stay at home for the first 2 years of my twins lives) into the guy who gets supervised visitation for an hour twice a week and isn't even allowed to call and talk to my kids.

She went to the courthouse first.. I finally responded after about a month of her claiming she had dismissed the paperwork.. I filed a motion to modify the temp orders requesting 50/50 parenting time.. That SAME day I went to pick up the kids for the weekend. She pushed me and then accused me of domestic battery. This set in motion her plan to further poison my 14 year old daughter... Who starts telling a therapist and then the judge all sorts of things like, dad hits me, and while home dad forced me to take care of my younger siblings while he did nothing. My wife's friends are writing letters stating what a horrible job I did as a parent. On and on it goes...

My wife works in administration at the county jail.. She knows the system and the players all very well, including the Judge....

I have experienced some pretty horrible stuff in my life and NOTHING even compares with how difficult this is... NOTHING.. I miss my kids so bad.....

Nov 10th is my day... The Judge agreed at the last hearing in which she scolded me over stuff that never happened she would hear evidence from me. (for the first time). So I remain hopeful that once I begin to prove a few of the lies, as I can... Things will start to change.. and I remain hopeful it will do so in a major way.. But this is ssssooo berkeleying hard..

What I am hoping will save me is since things started going really stupid I downloaded a sweet little app and recorded all of our phone calls. Assuming I can put any of it in front of the Judge it should be easy to prove most of the lies... Heck I have my wife recorded threatening me she was going to do the stuff she is doing now.... Just need to make sure I go about it in such a way the Judge will hear it..

So yeah... Get everything in writing if you can... and if you can't..... record it...

And DO IT NOW!!! The race to the courthouse might be the most important race of your life.

Had the same thing happen 25 years ago. I thought that the world had ended. But I stayed strong, spent all my spare time with the kids, ended up getting custody and played Mr. Mom for a couple years. Hopefully you have some good friends to be there and listen to you. Life will get better

BoostedBrandon wrote:

Nick (Not-Stig) Comstock wrote: Well Brian, you should have some free time on your hands. Brian, you should re join us in our GT races. I often see you get online and wonder if Brian will be joining us. But you never do. We miss you Brian.

I am planning on calling an attorney when I get home from work today. I suggested a full week custody for one and then the next week for the other but she felt that was too long away from the kids, and I agree. I agree to pay child support, but I agree with KyAllroad, the courts here are very mother-biased. Anyone have experience with a shared lawyer? Where both parties use the save lawyer to file the papers and negotiate the terms. We're being very civil so far. So far. :-/

Ok, I'm going to share a positive story so that you understand if you go in with the right attitude (both of you) then it doesn't have to end in war.

My ex and I used a divorce mediator, this is a lawyer who works for both parties. We were pretty broke at the time and it was $250 an hour. So we went to lunch and we talked it over, we made our decisions together on what was best for us and more importantly for our child. She didn't want to stay in our house so she was willing to sign over the house, in exchange I signed over the good car and kept the beater that I usually drove anyway. She allowed that I would be spending a lot of time and money to see my daughter since she was going to move back home and therefor she chose a reduced rate of child support over the state standard. We scribbled it all on paper and went back to the mediator with a check for $250 and said "Make this happen"

At the end of it the mediator questioned how two people who could so easily agree were getting a divorce. Truth is we knew it wasn't working (married young and dumb) and decided to quit while we were still friends. 19 years later we are still friends, our daughter is well adjusted and off to college and we are both happily remarried. We've even spent holidays together from time to time.

It doesn't have to be hell, its all in what you make it.